the do-gooder

DAY 1: When I told my partner I’d accepted this challenge, his laughter could be heard in the furthest alien colonies. Apparently there was no way I could be kind for two weeks, even if it was just once a day. I very kindly held off from throwing any punches in his direction. I was off to a good start. (To be clear, I counted withholding violence as my first act of kindness. I had 14 days; I needed everything I could get.)

DAY 2: My friend called me up, flustered about a dream she’d had. She dragged me into her subconscious, littered with killer koalas, dead babies and empty suitcases in a Cronenberg-style plot. She asked what it meant – not what I thought it meant, but