LettEr BoCkS

WHILST strolling up Blackpool promenade last night, I thought of a new attraction mixing the annual autumn light show with the world of Greek hard cheese, called ‘Blackpool Hallouminations’. I’m not sure how many tourists this would pull in, but it’s a difficult time for the hospitality industry, so it has to be worth a try.

Jim H, Blackpool

I SAW an archaeologist on telly the other day saying that he had found a caveman settlement in Sussex that was 26 km long. He must think I was born yesterday, as we all know that the kilometre was invented in the 18th century by the French. If these so called scientists are going to make things up, they should at least try to make it a bit believable.

Dave Gibbs, Biscuit Mowbray

I HAVE just found out my brother-in-law was born in the Chinese year of the pig, and he ended up being a police officer. I was going to have a good laugh telling him, but unfortunately I was born in the year of the cock, which rather ended that particular comedic avenue.

Hammo, Harrow

WHO EVER said a dog is a man’s best friend has never met my dog. It’s a complete cunt. As am I.

Dangerous Andy Grieve, Wokingham

WITH MY ill-fitting face mask partially obscuring my vision, I find I have some difficulty reading Viz. Have you any plans to bring out an audio version of your magazine in the near future?

Nigel Quicksand, Bristol

LIKE MR Quicksand, I have trouble reading Viz in WHSmiths because having to wear a face mask in the shop makes my glasses steam up. Does anyone have any tips on how to stop glasses steaming up? The only other option is to buy your magazine to read at home, but I want to save that as a last resort.

Tobomory Bude, Totnes

I WOULD be celebrating my 100th birthday this year if I had been born in 1920. But I’m not as I was actually born in 1964.

Tim Steel, Hornchurch

if Santa Claus is