The Atlantic

Dear Therapist: My Husband Secretly Donated Sperm. Now There’s a Kid.

I feel betrayed and angry that he kept this from me for so many years.
Source: Bianca Bagnarelli

Editor’s Note: On the last Monday of each month, Lori Gottlieb answers a reader’s question about a problem, big or small. Have a question? Email her at dear.therapist@theatlantic.com.

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Dear Therapist,

Without telling me, my husband donated sperm back in the ’90s, when we were newly married. We were both students, and we had one child and another on the way. We had talked about ways we could earn money, and we both agreed sperm and egg donation were not a good option. He told me that he understood my concerns and agreed not to do this.

Years passed, and in 2017 he received a notification from a saying that he had a new match: a biological child conceived from one of his donations. He began to communicate with

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