An LA journalist’s death by suicide still confounds years later. 'Can we ever understand that?'

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Three years after her husband took his life, Sara Scribner wants to talk. She knows it won't be easy, but the time is right. Suicide and mental illness have long been the subject of whisper campaigns and conjecture, but the pandemic, she believes, has changed that.

"Scott's suicide has been the background noise every minute of my life," she said, "but whenever I bring up his name in conversation, people get uncomfortable."

In the age of COVID, however, the language of loss and vulnerability has become familiar, and expressions of grief, worry — even fear — are more easily shared.

"Talking is a means of letting in some light, but it is also devastating," she said.

Scott Timberg was one of approximately 47,500 Americans who took their lives in 2019. The number decreased slightly in 2020, and the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is still looking at data for 2021, but over the last 20 years, the trend has been steadily upward.

Understanding why is a mystery. Theories range from untreated mental illness to symptoms of despair: unemployment, addiction, America's slowly unraveling social structure. Although older white men like Timberg, who was 50, remain most vulnerable, recent increases among young Black people and Native Americans are notable and alarming.

Beyond demographics, though, what each life holds in common is a desire to end