The Atlantic

Dear Therapist: My Daughter’s ‘Brother’ Is Actually Her Father

After 30 years, I want to tell her the truth, but I don’t know how.
Source: Bianca Bagnarelli

Editor’s Note: On the last Monday of each month, Lori Gottlieb answers a reader’s question about a problem, big or small. Have a question? Email her at dear.therapist@theatlantic.com.

Don't want to miss a single column? Sign up to get “Dear Therapist” in your inbox.

Dear Therapist,

When I married my husband, he had two adult children, and I had none. We both wanted to have a child together, but my husband had a vasectomy after his second child was born—too long ago to get the procedure reversed.

We didn’t want to use a sperm bank, so we asked my husband’s son to be the donor. We felt that was the best decision: Our child would have my husband’s genes, and we knew my stepson’s health, personality, and intelligence. He agreed to help.

Our daughter is 30 now. How do

You’re reading a preview, subscribe to read more.

More from The Atlantic

The Atlantic16 min read
The Georgia Voters Biden Really, Really Needs
Photographs by Arielle Gray for The Atlantic With 224 days to go before an election that national Democrats are casting as a matter of saving democracy, a 21-year-old canvasser named Kebo Stephens knocked on a scuffed apartment door in rural southwes
The Atlantic2 min read
The Secrets of Those Who Succeed Late in Life
This is an edition of The Wonder Reader, a newsletter in which our editors recommend a set of stories to spark your curiosity and fill you with delight. Sign up here to get it every Saturday morning. “Today we live in a society structured to promote
The Atlantic6 min read
A Self-Aware Teen Soap
This is an edition of The Atlantic Daily, a newsletter that guides you through the biggest stories of the day, helps you discover new ideas, and recommends the best in culture. Sign up for it here. Welcome back to The Daily’s Sunday culture edition,

Related Books & Audiobooks