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  • The Atlantic

    Dear Therapist: I Won’t Marry Someone With a Mountain of Debt

    After learning the full scope of my boyfriend’s finances, I don’t know if I should continue the relationship.
    by Lori Gottlieb Apr 24, 2023 7 minutes
    Source: Bianca Bagnarelli

    Editor’s Note: On the last Monday of each month, Lori Gottlieb answers a reader’s question about a problem, big or small. Have a question? Email her at dear.therapist@theatlantic.com.

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    Dear Therapist,

    I have been divorced for four years and have three children. My youngest is a senior in high school, and my middle child is in college. I have worked very hard to put my life back together after my divorce. I work full-time and own my own home, and I have worked with a financial planner to create a financial plan to ensure that my home is paid for before I retire. About a year ago, I was diagnosed with an aggressive autoimmune disorder that may not allow me to work as long as I had planned, so I have modified my budget accordingly.

    I met my boyfriend online about a year ago. After 20 years in a marriage with a husband who was emotionally and physically abusive, I was so happy to meet someone who was so kind and caring. I have had an extremely hard time speaking up for myself or asking questions because of my marriage. My ex and my father were yellers, intolerant of opinions that didn’t align with theirs. I have been seeing a therapist and

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