Marie Claire Australia

THE CONWOMAN of Cambridge

The worst scams I ever perpetrated were the ones for which I was never caught. I lied on my application to England’s University of Cambridge. Here’s how. I began by photoshopping my transcript results from Phillips Exeter Academy. Was this difficult with their complex visual watermark? Yes. But I’m an art historian and artist.

The reason Cambridge didn’t catch me was that every time you apply to the school, you apply to one of the individual colleges and not to the university itself. These colleges are totally decentralised and loathe sharing anything amongst each other – including files on applicants.

I only had to change one grade on my American report card from Exeter but it was a bad one. My senior spring I’d gotten a D+ in Ancient Greek as that class was at the same time my boyfriend had a free period, during which he liked to fuck me in his top bunk bed.

I changed that D+ to an A-.

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