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I STOOD at the edge of Red Crater, bleeding and gripped by pain that felt like twisted barbed wire ripping through my abdomen.
At the time, I was guiding clients on the Tongariro Alpine Crossing, and, as I shepherded them up and over, pointing out views of the Kaimanawa Range, I hoped they hadn’t noticed the state I was in. I thought, ‘This has to end. It’s too difficult to guide clients while bleeding.’
And so I kicked off 2024 with a hysterectomy and learned that the pain wasn’t all in my head, as one doctor after another had told me. It was stage three endometriosis and a selection of other issues. Turns out a hysterectomy can be less painful than having a period.
The surgeon didn’t remove my ovaries (known as an ‘oopherectomy’, it is not in fact part of a hysterectomy), but he did warn me that even with ovaries in place, the hysterectomy would likely bring on early menopause.
I was sick of hearing aboutjoint pain, brain fog, mood changes, weight gain and an impending sense of doom. Menopause is everywhere these days along with narratives I find depressingly negative. “It sucks all the goodness out of us,” one person told me. And: “You’ll lose all your muscle.” Further: “There’s no point trying to do anything any more because your strength and ability is totally gone.”