“HAPPY FAMILIES ARE ALL ALIKE; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” This is how Tolstoy begins his masterpiece Anna Karenina. For individuals, we could say the opposite: When joyful, we are all different, moving towards our potential in unique, unreplicable ways. When suffering, we are all alike: we feel stagnation; alternate between frantic action and paralysis; suffer frustration and anxiety, rumination and negative selfthoughts; and try hopelessly not to repeat past failures.
We are alike in our suffering because, while our potential and paths are unique, the symptoms of getting stuck appear to be universal. But before we can begin to understand how stagnation happens and how we can leave it behind, we are faced with a big question: What is the self? Ever since Freud divided the self into id, ego and superego, hundreds of psychologists, sociologists, anthropologists and other human-centred professionals have been offering their answers to that question.
My own answer is based on observing which ‘parts’ of the self are most important to people attempting self-change. My framework, which I call the Wheel of Self, is a practical tool that you can work with to restart your personal development. In this article I will describe how it works.
The Wheel of Self
I think of the self as having five distinct parts, arranged into a wheel: motivation, behaviour, emotion, mind and body. When most of us try to change — say, to reduce the number of doughnuts we eat each week — we often focus only on behaviour. What we forget is that behaviour is influenced by:
• motivation, that is, our wants and desires (for a delicious Boston cream doughnut);• emotions (the happiness we feel when we taste it);• our mind (tempting thoughts about how fluffy and creamy it will be); and• our
