Damned

Written by Chuck Palahniuk

Narrated by Tai Sammons

“Are you there, Satan? It’s me, Madison,” declares the whip-tongued thirteen-year-old narrator of Damned, Chuck Palahniuk’s subversive new work of fiction. The daughter of a narcissistic film star and a billionaire, Madison is abandoned at her Swiss boarding school over Christmas, while her parents are off touting their new projects and adopting more orphans. She dies over the holiday of a marijuana overdose-and the next thing she knows, she’s in Hell. Madison shares her cell with a motley crew of young sinners that is almost too good to be true: a cheerleader, a jock, a nerd, and a punk rocker, united by fate to form the six-feet-under version of everyone’s favorite detention movie. Madison and her pals trek across the Dandruff Desert and climb the treacherous Mountain of Toenail Clippings to confront Satan in his citadel. All the popcorn balls and wax lips that serve as the currency of Hell won’t buy them off.

This is the afterlife as only Chuck Palahniuk could imagine it: a twisted inferno where The English Patient plays on endless repeat, roaming demons devour sinners limb by limb, and the damned interrupt your dinner from their sweltering call center to hard-sell you Hell. He makes eternal torment, well, simply divine.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Blackstone Audio
• Release date: Oct 18, 2011
• ISBN: 9781441792808

Chuck Palahniuk

Chuck Palahniuk’s fourteen novels include the bestselling Snuff; Rant; Haunted; Lullaby; Fight Club, which was made into a film by director David Fincher; Diary; Survivor; Invisible Monsters; and Choke, which was made into a film by director Clark Gregg. He is also the author of the nonfiction profile of Portland, Fugitives and Refugees, and the nonfiction collection Stranger Than Fiction. His story collection Make Something Up was a widely banned bestseller. His graphic novel Fight Club II hit #1 on the New York Times list. He’s also the author of Fight Club III and the coloring books Bait and Legacy, as well as the writing guide Consider This. He lives in the Pacific Northwest.

Reviews for Damned

[roses7184_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Definitely not my favorite Palahniuk book, but there is actually a lot to Damned that I did in fact love. First off, Madison. Her attitude about Hell was hilariously glib and she was an enigma for most of the story. It might have been because the narrator of the audio book was so good at portraying this young and very matter of fact girl, but I loved her almost instantly. Madison definitely makes the book.

Also, when the synopsis says that this is "The Breakfast Club" in Hell, they really aren't kidding. Palahniuk has given the reader a wide array of characters to enjoy while exploring this dark, damp (and often gross) land of the dead. You have your punk rocker with a heart of gold. The jock who isn't as brave as he seems. Even the perfect cheerleader type, complete with fake blond hair and white shoes after labor day, makes an appearance. These characters take the reader on a wild ride.

What was a miss for me in this book was really the ending. I know a lot of people disliked Damned entirely, but I was honestly extremely invested until the ending of the book. It almost felt like a cop out to me. I get that Palahniuk is unpredictable. In fact, that's usually what draws me to his books. However I felt like I was missing something important that left a hole in my reading of this book. Not sure what, but it's definitely not there.

Anyway this rambling is simply meant to share that I did actually really enjoy listening to Damned, despite any flaws that it might have! Madison and her motley crew take the reader on a ride unlike any other. The ride through Hell itself. Don't go into this one expecting anything stunningly poignant, but rather go into it expecting the unexpected. Do that, and you'll enjoy it as much as I did.

[librookian · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

interesting but a little disappointing.

[adaorhell · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Not Palahniuk's best, by a long run. The description of Hell & Madison's shitty parents are the best parts.

[carleyshea · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This was my first experience reading Palahniuk (outside of Fight Club) and I am a huge fan. This is a novel about a chubby 13-year-old named Madison who dies unexpectedly and finds herself in Hell. She teams up with a ragtag group of Breakfast Club-esque teenagers and explores her new home, while reflecting on her time on Earth and what could have caused her to end up in Hell. Each chapter begins with a little letter from Madison, to Satan. It's super witty and a truly solid read. I laughed multiple times while reading it on an airplane and the man beside me seemed super entertained by my entertainment. There's a great twist in the book that I didn't see coming, and that's rare for me. I'm the friend who everyone else refuses to watch TV shows and movies with because I always guess the ending. If you've never read Palahniuk, this is a really good start. Not too heavy, but still very much a similar feel. And, there's a sequel, in case you're like me and need a bit more of Madison.

[john_warner-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Madison Spenser, the novel's thirteen year old protagonist and daughter of movie star parents has been damned to Hell for what she believes to be an overdose on marijuana. She finds herself in a cell along with Hell's version of the 1980's Breakfast Club denizens: the cheerleader, jock, nerd, and punk rocker. After escaping from her cell, she leads the group across the Dandruff Desert and through the Valley of Used Disposable Diapers to Hell's headquarters where she obtains employment as a telephone surveyor of the living's buying habits whom she calls during meal times. The remainder of the novel entails Madison's coming of age adventures as she seeks to conquer Hell. This latest novel by Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club, will have you laughing out loud.

[bucketofrhymes · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

So, this is my first Chuck Palahniuk book I've read (and probably not a great pick as an introduction to his books, if the reviews on here are any indicator). There's a lot I liked about it, including the sarcastic and irreverent take on religion and his general writing style. And there are some things that drive me up the wall, like the constant nicknames of the "Slutty von Slutski" variety, which made me want to stab my eyes out due to their sheer frequency. Will definitely be checking out more of his books, though.

[brakketh-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

A young girl dies and then finds that hell isn't that bad really.

[kale.dyer · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

A young girl dies and then finds that hell isn't that bad really.

[elvisettey · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I can believe that Palahniuk did a lot of research on demonlogy before writing this book, but not that he did a lot of research about 13-year-old girls. Sure, I get that she's supposed to be stereotype-defying, but there's a line between typecast-busting and flat-out unbelieveable. Madison falls into the latter category. At times impossibly worldly, at others incredibly naive and childlike, speaking in an inauthentic voice and making allusions that don't really jive with any sort of believable personality construct, Madison is often more annoying than clever and funny.As for her cohorts, some are well-developed, some are just forgettable. The punk, Archer, really comes into his own near the end of the novel, but the nerd (whose name I kept forgetting; he was that thin) and Patterson exist only to fill their scripted Breakfast Club places in the novel. Babette is hard to pin down as one thing or another; I don't know if this is a deliberate narrative device or poor characterization (and the fact that I'm still on the fence about it shows that more could have been done with her character). Madison's parents are terrific, even if their roles are played pretty much off-stage.The way Palahniuk conceives hell is alternately very clever, over-the-top revolting, well-researched, and predictable. The endless lists and bureucratic requirements of what can land you there are extremely amusing, and the catalogs of who is damned are entertaining (Heaven must be pretty dull). I actually enjoyed the vigorously-detailed decriptions of demonology-though-history, though that may not be to everyone's taste. I'm not squeamish, but some of the descriptions were a little over-the-top for me: let's see how gross we can get! A little juvenile, really. And scenes like the one where Madison wallops Hitler: a 13-year-old girl reducing Hitler to tears? Well, yes . . . no one is going to say they don't enjoy that. But it's not terribly sophisticated, is it? (side note: this novel was marketed to my library as YA, not adult, fiction)Toward the end, the novel starts to redeem itself as some of Madison's coherts start to flesh out a little, some new players start to arrive on the scene, Madison starts to take on a new role for herself, and-- most important of all, though I can't give it away-- the plot takes on a very interesting, unexpected, and clever twist in the manner of narrative construct. It ends "To be continued . . . " which may be farcical or serious-- could go either way-- I rather hope it's not serious, because I don't really want to invest any more time in these characters or this plot, and probably wouldn't. I'm ready to put a bow on this story and wrap it up.

[Michael Wright · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Big fan of Chuck, this is not his best. Fight Club and Snuff are his top two, then Haunted. Damned is Alice in Wonderland meets The Divine Comedy.

[roofone-286496 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Good book, but not my favorite Palahniuk -- it was too arbitrarily absurd for me. Very short too, even for Chuck.

[et.carole · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

This was a strange book. The writing was excellent, but I detested the MC. Palahniuk got incredibly graphic in places, and there was no real conclusion. I've been disappointed.

[tduvally-355175 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Silly and just different enough from his usually stuff.

[juva_3 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

The Breakfast Club. Set in Hell. A thirteen year old girl takes us on a tour of Hell. How do you end up in Hell and what do you do once you're there? Do you really have to abandon all hope or is that just a polite suggestion?

[jscape2000 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Meh? Was this funny? There was a Vonnegut-esque “I may be a [bad thing] but I’m not a [worse thing]” refrain that got me to chuckle a couple times. But by the time our teenage lost soul started an ass kicking historical warpath toward self empowerment, I was over her.

[ijustgetbored · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I can believe that Palahniuk did a lot of research on demonlogy before writing this book, but not that he did a lot of research about 13-year-old girls. Sure, I get that she's supposed to be stereotype-defying, but there's a line between typecast-busting and flat-out unbelieveable. Madison falls into the latter category. At times impossibly worldly, at others incredibly naive and childlike, speaking in an inauthentic voice and making allusions that don't really jive with any sort of believable personality construct, Madison is often more annoying than clever and funny.As for her cohorts, some are well-developed, some are just forgettable. The punk, Archer, really comes into his own near the end of the novel, but the nerd (whose name I kept forgetting; he was that thin) and Patterson exist only to fill their scripted Breakfast Club places in the novel. Babette is hard to pin down as one thing or another; I don't know if this is a deliberate narrative device or poor characterization (and the fact that I'm still on the fence about it shows that more could have been done with her character). Madison's parents are terrific, even if their roles are played pretty much off-stage.The way Palahniuk conceives hell is alternately very clever, over-the-top revolting, well-researched, and predictable. The endless lists and bureucratic requirements of what can land you there are extremely amusing, and the catalogs of who is damned are entertaining (Heaven must be pretty dull). I actually enjoyed the vigorously-detailed decriptions of demonology-though-history, though that may not be to everyone's taste. I'm not squeamish, but some of the descriptions were a little over-the-top for me: let's see how gross we can get! A little juvenile, really. And scenes like the one where Madison wallops Hitler: a 13-year-old girl reducing Hitler to tears? Well, yes . . . no one is going to say they don't enjoy that. But it's not terribly sophisticated, is it? (side note: this novel was marketed to my library as YA, not adult, fiction)Toward the end, the novel starts to redeem itself as some of Madison's coherts start to flesh out a little, some new players start to arrive on the scene, Madison starts to take on a new role for herself, and-- most important of all, though I can't give it away-- the plot takes on a very interesting, unexpected, and clever twist in the manner of narrative construct. It ends "To be continued . . . " which may be farcical or serious-- could go either way-- I rather hope it's not serious, because I don't really want to invest any more time in these characters or this plot, and probably wouldn't. I'm ready to put a bow on this story and wrap it up.

[jimocracy · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This book started out slow; like some kind of twist to Dante's version. Then things picked up and I was really getting into Madison's story and thinking I would totally love this book. Unfortunately, there is an anti-climactic twist and the ending fizzled out.

[morgtini · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I really loved this book, and being a first time Chuck Palahniuk reader, I wasn't sure that I would. Damned was really right in my reading wheelhouse with it being set in Hell, and I found Maddie incredibly funny and caustic. I don't typically like reading about teens, but this certainly isn't like those YA books about teenagers that seem so popular these days. I think Palahniuk really did a great job getting into the psyche of the self-conscious, self-righteous teenage girl, and while it was a little outlandish, I thoroughly enjoyed Damned and can't wait for the sequel to come out.

[ahappybooker · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

I've discovered by reading this that I am not a big fan of satire. Not even extremely well written satire, which this certainly is. So while I personally didn't like it, I would still recommend it to those who enjoy this type of book.

Damned follows the 13year old protagonist, Madison, as she wakes up in Hell after overdosing on marijuana. Each chapter begins "Are you there Satan, it's me Madison" with a little note to Satan. Madison is a sarcastic and cynical girl who has been alternately spoiled and neglected by her rich, famous, and "free-thinking" parents. She joins a group of her peers, reminiscent of The Breakfast Club, as they journey through Hell searching for Satan. Throughout Damned is an overabundance of pop-culture references, blood, gore, and all manner scenes designed to disgust and offend even the most broad minded reader. There were some moments that were laugh out loud funny, but most of the humor read more like the college equivalent of a fart joke.

This book is much too explicit to be appropriate for teens and much to corny to appeal to most adults, so I believe that this would mainly appeal to the same demographic that enjoys movies about college frat parties and the like.

[jwarren42 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

After page 100 or so, the book really does get going. Getting to page 100 is a bit of a chore, though. There were some plot points that I wish he'd taken more time with because they're fascinating (like the script concept). Like it or don't, though, we have to give massive respect to an author who cranks out a novel a year like clockwork.

[crdf-1 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

A rather slow going book. Although I liked the settings and the hell description, could not recommend this book.

[tealightful · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

As an avid Palahniuk fan, I was ecstatic to acquire this book at his latest signing in Portland.

Unfortunately, the book felt too much as if it was pandering to a very dumb audience. The storyline was scattered and felt like it kept losing itself. It was, and this is hard for me to say about one of my favorite authors, truly boring. Not even at its most gruesome, was it engaging. He wrote pure bile and vulgarity with no tie-in's or big message or anything twisty-turny as is his trademark.

Every author has to have their flops, I suppose, and this is definitely his.

[a.happy.booker · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

I've discovered by reading this that I am not a big fan of satire. Not even extremely well written satire, which this certainly is. So while I personally didn't like it, I would still recommend it to those who enjoy this type of book.

Damned follows the 13year old protagonist, Madison, as she wakes up in Hell after overdosing on marijuana. Each chapter begins "Are you there Satan, it's me Madison" with a little note to Satan. Madison is a sarcastic and cynical girl who has been alternately spoiled and neglected by her rich, famous, and "free-thinking" parents. She joins a group of her peers, reminiscent of The Breakfast Club, as they journey through Hell searching for Satan. Throughout Damned is an overabundance of pop-culture references, blood, gore, and all manner scenes designed to disgust and offend even the most broad minded reader. There were some moments that were laugh out loud funny, but most of the humor read more like the college equivalent of a fart joke.

This book is much too explicit to be appropriate for teens and much to corny to appeal to most adults, so I believe that this would mainly appeal to the same demographic that enjoys movies about college frat parties and the like.

[gregorio_roth · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This is a book that should be read by church members, but will probably never be read there. It goes over our philosophy of hell and what is its meaning in the 21st century. Great read. Funny through out and not once did I want to write him a letter complaining about his theology. He is very accurate in his sins of our current culture.

[elliepotten · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Although this still hasn't topped my first Palahniuk - Rant - I definitely felt a sense of the familiar madness descending as I plunged headfirst into this novel. Basically, Damned is the testimony of a thirteen year-old dead girl called Madison, who wakes up in a cell in Hell and proceeds to take Hades by storm, befriending a demon (and a bunch of other teenage inmates), defeating Hitler, finding she has a knack for telemarketing (one of the two career options in Hell - the other being dodgy porn webcam sites) and generally becoming a bit of a celebrity in the Underworld. Meanwhile, we slowly piece together bits of her life and death, while Madison hunts for Satan to try to find out exactly why and how she ended up here. It's all very bizarre, a bit gross, vaguely jumbled and occasionally shocking - and I raced through it, as usual. Very tentatively recommended - Palahniuk is definitely not for everyone!

[morgantaylor-1 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

While this book did include some interesting and funny takes on subject matter such as death and religion I found a lot of it childish and while Palahniuk can usually pull off vulgarity as a key part of a story a lot of the gross and absurd scenes seemed completely unnecessary in this novel.

[yougotamber · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Palahniuk played with fantasy and I loved it. This isn't my favorite but I bow down to him for his excellent imagination (which has made him one of my favorite Authors). He has again produced something entirely unique with a writing style still jam packed with useless information. Bravo Chuck, Bravo.

[fearshop · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

You have to love the crazy mind of Chuck Palahniuk. Always fun to read but saying that I have to admit Damned was a tad disappointing. Hoping the sequel to this is better. Still some mental images I will surely never forget.

[pretear_1 · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

I really wanted to like this book, really. I enjoy bangsian fiction and satire, so I excepted to at least like this a little. This is my first Chuck Palahniuk novel and maybe my expectations were too high. The characters were boring, unrealistic, and undeveloped. The plot was non-existent and the ending was anti-climatic. At the end I found myself saying, who cares?!?! The worst aspect by far was the absurdly repetitive narration. Every three sentences the narrator/protagonist will say, "I know I'm just a thirteen year-old dead, fat girl..." or "so-and-so is a slutty mcslutsky or whore-y mcwhorester" or "and yes I know *insert SAT word*. I may be a fat thirteen year-old dead girl but I'm no moron..." So, so tedious. I'm not sure whether I should give up on this author completely at point despite his good reputation.

[chellebearss · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Madison Spencer is only 13 years old when she wakes up one day and finds herself in Hell. She writes to Satan and discusses her life before death when she was living with her celebrity parents. “Are you there, Satan? It’s me, Madison,”I originally started this on audio but it wasn't working for me so I switched to eBook and found I started to enjoy it more. It's a little cheesy but I found it entertaining. Apparently it's first in a proposed trilogy but I didn't enjoy it quite enough to seek out the others.“If you ask me, most people have children just as their own enthusiasm about life begins to wane.” “My parents meant well, but the road to Hell is paved with publicity stunts.”