Godly Courtship and Engagement: Grace to Get Married
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About this ebook
It warns about the dangers of disobeying the God’s word and principles on the marriage institution and finally releases the light of truth into destinies and giving insight on how to develop and sustain good relationships that can produce good results and remain stable for a lifetime. It is time to take marriage back to what it is meant to be. You can succeed where others failed. This book will help you to apply power and word of God in your life and come out as a champion; you and your family.
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Book preview
Godly Courtship and Engagement - Don Nnamdi Odunze Jr.
Nigeria.
CHAPTER ONE
FOUNDATION OF MARRIAGE
What has marriage become these days? Is it a maximum security prison where the inmates are continually devising ways and struggling to escape from it or waiting for its days of realization?
The destiny of many have either been aborted, ruptured, mortgaged or completely destroyed through marriage while some others have found their destinies fulfilled,satisfied, polished and sustained through the instrument of marriage. There may not be enough statistics to show the number of lives that have been cut short through untimely death; the number of lives that are wasting at different mental and psychiatric homes; the number of lives that have lost focus and direction in matters that affect their lives and destiny; the number of young people whose academic programs have suffered and sometimes come to an abrupt end and their dreams and ambitions suddenly turned into a mirage; the number of men suffering from high blood pressure, stroke, cancer and even at the point of death; the number of women living in perpetual despair, agony, sorrow without any ray of hope for a happy life, a fulfilled life, a life void of regrets; the number of children whose future have been mortgaged or completely aborted, who are abandoned in a world or uncertainties without any one to direct them and teach them the principle of life and death; the number of peculiar environments which would havebrought out the glory of nature which the creator had bestowed on it but has suddenly lost its beauty and many other things which no statistics can account for, all as a result of bad marriages. The casualties that result from bad marriages are not just manifested on the parties involved but also extend to friends, relations and even their immediate physical environment. The spiritual implications or consequences are never pleasant and are better not imagined.
COLLAPSE OF MANY MARRIAGES
Lack of knowledge of the principles that guide the covenant of marriage is largely responsible for the collapse of many marriages. The creator has made an operating manual for his product and when you operate a product outside its regulations you will have problems. It does not matter whether you are married for five, ten or twenty years, if you do not operate it according to the description of the manufacturer, there will be problems in the form of either a malfunction or destruction of some components or the entire product itself. The same principle is applicable to marriage.
God who designed marriage from the beginning, laid out principles that will guide it. Marriage is not a product of our great grand father’s customs and expectations; it is not even a product of the court of law. It is God’s product and can only be operated in God’s own pattern if complete fulfillment and satisfaction would be derived from it. Knowledge brings ease to the realization of destiny. It makes life enjoyable. Knowledge of the principles of marriage eliminates stress and struggle from marital relationships.
By the Grace of God, this book is written to expose or bring to light, knowledge that will help you improve on your relationshipsin marriage and brighten the light of your destiny. One of the foundation stones that secures a successful marriage is GODLY COURTSHIP AND ENGAGEMENT.
The foundation is very important in whatever activity that man is involved. It is the foundation that carries the structure of a building. The entire strength of a building is carried by the foundation. Once the foundation is solid, the building can be beautified to any taste ad patterns by the person residing in it. It is therefore important that the foundation be strong. The scriptures in Psalm 11 verse3 says:
If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do
(Psalm 11:3).
If the foundation is faulty, when the building begins to develop problems, there is nothing that one can really do except to go to the root of the problem. The period of courtship and engagement is a sensitive and important era in the life of every marriage. In most cases, it has been taken for granted and its relevance ignored by those going into it. Some men have developed the habit of engaging and disengaging at random while others become professional engagers who engage more than one woman at a time. The spirit of fleshly lust have driven many to the extremes in this ugly behavior. How one handled his or her courtship and engagement determines how solid and beautiful the foundation of the building of one’s marriage will be. The purity of an engagement influences the trust manifested in marriage. The understanding achieved in engagement influences the harmony experienced in marriage. The nature of engagement constitutes the foundation stones and determines the future, how bright or dim it will be.
The scriptures in 1Timothy chapter 6 verses 18 and 19 says:
That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate; laying up in store for themselves a good foundation against the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life
(2Timothy 6:18-19).
In courtship and engagement, Christians are expected to abide by godly principles and show the light to those still in the darkness of ignorance. The next chapters will discuss the basis of godly courtship and engagement. What are the things required of one who is involved in engagement? What should be the behavior, the kind of relationship, the spiritual principles that guide it? By the Grace of God, I believe that by the time you discipline yourself to read this book in its entirety and understanding, God will reveal some mysteries of the kingdom with respect to marriage and your destiny will be secured.
As far as marriage is concerned, the designer, who is God, has programmed you to succeed. Your destiny is bright and beautiful. Your marriage will not only succeed but it will influence others to succeed in their own. Only apply the principles for operation described by the original creator for marriage.
CHAPTER TWO
DESIRES FOR MARRIAGE
Whatever the mind can conceive, It can achieve
(Paul Meyer, 1974).
We live in a world where many merely exist without purpose and direction. People live their lives as if they are products of an accidental discharge. What is the purpose of your existence and what do you want to derive out of life? An important question that every unmarried person should answer is, WHAT IS YOUR DESIRE FROM YOUR MARRIAGE?
Desire gives purposes to your ideas. Have you sat down to think and put down what you desire from marriage. What kind of home do you want to build? What kind of husband/wife do you want to be? What kind of children do you want to raise up? How relevant do you want your home to be in the affairs of your society? What do you want to achieve from marriage?
In the counseling room and during seminars, I have observed that many young people who want to marry are unable to answer these questions conclusively. Many have never given it a thought before. A man is the product of his thoughts.
According to Mabie, In the long run, a man becomes what he purposes and gains for himself what he really desire.
You must clearly lay out your desire to the point that you know what you want. Do you know yourself? It was Socrates who uttered the dictum know thyself
. It is not just being aware of your conscious thoughts, but also knowing, recognizing and making room for your emotions, attitudes, habits etc. if it is possible, take out a pen and paper and write out what your desires are for marriage: if you can clearly articulate your desire, then you are able to define your purposes and channel yourself towards achieving them, and then discern who is fit to share your life with.
If you want to achieve a thing, see it, visualize it, close your eyes a moment. Get the mental picture. Practice learning to think in pictures. It must be mentally accomplished before it is physically or materially accomplished. What you cannot see, you cannot possess. Sit down and open your mind to see yourself in a successful home with children that affect their generation for God. This is simply visualization. It changes a general idea into something more specific. You begin to give shape to confused issues. It brings the unknown to the realm of the known.
The vision that you glorify in your mind, the idea that you enthrone in your heart; this you will build your life by; this you will become
(James Allen).
What you think is what you ultimately become. According to Buddha,
All that we are is the result of what we have thought; it is founded on thoughts, it is made up of your thoughts
.
For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he
…. (Prov. 23:7).
You cannot afford to let bad marriages affect your desire or goal for your own marriage. Many young men have been overtaken by fear. Fear of failure, fear of women that oppress their husbands, fear of men that enslave their wives, fear of children that reward their parents with hypertension, fear of homes that become wrestling rings where the husband and wife are the wrestlers and the neighbors become referee while the children become observers.
Some young people have refused to marry or afraid of marriage because they have at one time or the other in their lives become victims of bad homes or have seen their friends or relations suffer from bad homes. As far as you are concerned, your case is different, you