My Family

By Kurt Johnston and Mark Oestreicher

Families can be complicated, and this reference guide is here to help you get through whatever issue you might face—from frustrations with your parents to what to do if your family is breaking apart from divorce, or even if there’s been abuse in your home. With seventy-five short chapters that cover almost twenty major topics, there’s plenty of understanding, advice, and wisdom to help you navigate issues with your family AND strengthen the bonds that matter most.

Middle school is tough, and figuring out who you are during this time can sometimes mean more issues with your family members—from not feeling understood to wondering why you can’t have a little more freedom and trust now that you’re not a little kid anymore. And maybe your family itself is changing in ways you never thought could happen. In this book, everything from dealing with small frustrations to dating, getting more privacy, handling issues with siblings, and what to do when a parent lets you down or even hurts you physically is discussed and explored, giving you advice and ideas on how to navigate the issues in your family today.

My Family:

• is written by two youth specialists with over forty combined years of experience dealing with the issues today’s preteens and young adults face every day
• contains stories from the authors that add honesty—and where appropriate, humor—to the topics being discussed
• can be used as a reference guide on specific topics or read straight through for a wider experience
• provides a biblical yet candid approach
• is also ideal for anyone dealing with teenagers in a mentoring, teaching, or leadership environment

• Language: English
• Publisher: Zondervan
• Release date: Aug 30, 2009
• ISBN: 9780310863144

Kurt Johnston

Kurt Johnston is junior high pastor in Southern California. He's served in middle school ministry since 1988 - longer than most of you have been alive! Kurt was once a middle school student, and when he was in 8th grade he was beaten up by a 7th grader. Kurt and his family live in Orange County where he spends his free time surfing and still avoiding 7th-grade bullies.

Book preview

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INVERT

MY FAMILY: MIDDLE SCHOOL SURVIVAL SERIES

Copyright © 2007 by Kurt Johnston & Mark Oestreicher

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan.

ePub Edition June 2009 ISBN: 0-310-86314-7

Youth Specialties products, 300 S. Pierce St., El Cajon, CA 92020 are published by Zondervan, 5300 Patterson Ave. SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49530.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Oestreicher, Mark.

My family / by Mark Oestreicher and Kurt Johnston.

   p. cm. — (Middle school survival series)

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-0-310-27430-8

1. Middle school students—Religious life—Juvenile literature. 2. Middle school students—Family relationships—Juvenile literature. 3. Christian life—Juvenile literature. I. Johnston, Kurt, 1966- II. Title.

BV4531.3.O383 2006

248.8’3—dc22

2006024015

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other — except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Creative Team: Dave Urbanski, Erika Hueneke, Janie Wilkerson, Rich Cairnes, and Mark Novelli

Cover Design by Gearbox

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07 08 09 10 11 12 Bullet 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to all the guys in our two middle school small groups.

Marko meets on Wednesday nights with these awesome guys: Matt Holliman, Zach Dierdorff, Brian Brangwynne, Shane Clark, Brandon Maddox, and Aaron Lusteg.

Kurt meets on Wednesday nights with these amazing dudes: Joshua Miller, Brandon Blanchard, Parker Reguero, Ben Lorenz, Jordan Bresler, Austin Mercadante, Ryan Nelson, Scott Phillips, Matthew Overmyer, Dylan Souza, Jeffrey Cohen, Josh Duval, and Troy Hughes.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Marko wants to thank his amazing family—Jeannie, Liesl, and Max—for being so loving and for your patience while I was writing this. And since this book is about family, I also want to thank the family that was patient with me during my middle school years: my mom and dad, and my two cool older sisters. Once again, thanks to the fi ne people of the Starbucks at Chase and Avocado in El Cajon, for a great writing spot, wi-fi access, and a good stream of strong coffee.

Kurt wants to thank Rachel, Kayla, and Cole—my incredible family—for giving up some of our time together so I could write. I also want to thank two guys named Josh—Josh Miller and Josh Treece—for reading each chapter to make sure this book makes sense to young teenagers. And yes, the people at Starbucks in Rancho Santa Margarita…I’m a wimp, so I don’t drink coffee, but you make a delicious vanilla steamer that warms my stomach while I write.

CONTENTS

COVER PAGE

TITLE PAGE

COPYRIGHT

INTRODUCTION

SECTION 1: FIRST THINGS FIRST

Why Is This So Hard?

What Has Changed?

SECTION 2: BASIC FAMILY SURVIVAL TIPS

What Is a Family, Anyway?

My Family Is a Mess!

Why Your Family Needs You

Top Seven Things That Make Families Work

SECTION 3: PRIVACY

Why Is Privacy a Major Issue?

Making the Most of a Shared Room

Just Give Me Some Space!

SECTION 4: RULES

Why Are Rules a Major Issue?

How to Get Rules Changed

How to Live with Rules That Won’t Change

Why Are My Parents So Strict?

Don’t My Parents Remember What It’s Like to Be My Age?

Why Do My Parents Give Me a Curfew?

Why Don’t My Parents Let Me Set My Own Curfew?

When Do I Get to Date?

Technology Rules

SECTION 5: FRIENDS

Why Are Friends a Major Issue?

What If My Parents Want Me to Be Friends with Kids I Don’t Like?

SECTION 6: OTHER MAJOR ISSUES

School

Music

Church

Phone, IM, Chat Rooms, and Stuff Like That

TV and Movies

Chores

Courtesy, Manners, and Respect

Language

SECTION 7: HONORING YOUR PARENTS

What’s It Mean to Honor?

Why Does God Care If I Honor My Parents?

How Am I Supposed to Honor My Parents?

SECTION 8: HOW TO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME

No Comparing!

God Has You in the Right Family

Don’t Think Cooler Parents = a Better Family

Don’t Think More Stuff = a Better Family, Either!

SECTION 9: HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT

Getting What You Want—What Not to Do

Getting What You Want—What To Do

SECTION 10: SIBLINGS

Trying to Measure Up

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

My Little Brother/Sister Is a Brat!

My Older Brother/Sister Treats Me Like a Little Kid!

The Other Kids in My House Aren’t My Birth Brothers/Sisters

SECTION 11: DIVORCE, STEPFAMILIES, AND OTHER STUFF

My Family Is Breaking Apart

My Mom (or Dad) Is Dating (Yuck—Weird!)

A New Stepparent

Balancing More Than Two Parents

How to Live in a Blended Family

SECTION 12: DUMB THINGS PARENTS SAY (AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN)

Do You Want to Be Grounded for the Rest of Your Life?

What Were You Thinking?

Why Can’t You Be More Like ______________?

When I Was Your Age…

SECTION 13: RANDOM QUESTIONS ABOUT PARENTS AND FAMILIES

Are My Parents Trying to Ruin My Life?

What If One of My Parents Doesn’t Go to Church?

What If I’m the Only Christian in My Family?

What If I Don’t Have a Family Like Other Kids?

What Am I Supposed to Do If My Parents Don’t Get Along?

SECTION 14: THINGS THAT AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE PART OF A FAMILY

Abuse

Rage

Neglect

What to Do about This Stuff

SECTION 15: A FEW BIBLICAL FAMILIES TO LEARN FROM

Saul and Jonathan

David and Absalom

Jesus and His Parents

Jacob and Esau

Ruth and Naomi

Joe’s Bros

The Prodigal Son’s Family

SECTION 16: KEYS TO KEEPING THINGS GOOD IN YOUR FAMILY

Open Communication

Honesty

Noticing Other Family Members’ Needs

Integrity

Doing Your Part

Not-So-Random Acts of Kindness

Creating Good Memories and Having Fun!

SECTION 17: A FEW FINAL THOUGHTS…

(Okay… Two Pages of Final Thoughts!)

ABOUT THE PUBLISHER

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS

INTRODUCTION

See this first really dorky photo? That’s me, Marko, in middle school. Nice shirt collar, huh? Can you tell just by looking at my picture that I wasn’t the most popular kid in school? Uh, yeah.

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How about this second groovy shot? That’s me, Kurt, in middle school. That haircut rocked, huh? Sure, whatever.

We wanted you to see those pictures—as embarrassing as they are—because we want you to know that we remember what it’s like to be a middle school student. Partly, we remember because both of us have been working with middle schoolers in churches for a long time. We don’t work with high school kids or with any other age group. That’s because both of us are convinced of a few things:

Bullet First, that middle schoolers are the coolest people in the world. Really, we’d rather hang out with a group of middle school students than any other age group.

Bullet Next, that God really cares (we mean, really cares) about middle school students—about you. And we’re convinced that God is stoked about the possibility of having a close relationship with you.

Bullet Finally, that the middle school years (about 11 to 14) are hugely important in building a faith that will last for your whole life.

What you’re holding in your hands is the second book in the brand-new Middle School Survival Series. This second book is all about getting along with your family (duh, that’s what the title says!). The first book in the series—if you haven’t seen it yet—is about your faith. We have more books planned in the series on friends, changes, future, and school. We hope you’ll read them all!

Oh, one more thing: You don’t have to read these 75 chapters in any particular order. It’s not that kind of book. You can read them in order if you want (if you’re one of those people who likes order), or you can flip through and read whatever catches your attention.

We really believe in you, and we’ll be praying for you (really, we will) that while you read this, you’ll grow in your understanding (just like the Bible says Jesus did when he was your age) of God and how much he loves you—how he would do anything to let you know him!

Kurt and Marko

SECTION 1

FIRST THINGS

FIRST

1

WHY IS THIS SO HARD?

FAMILY FACT: CHINESE FAMILY NAMES OFTEN BEGIN WITH A SIGN THAT SIGNIFIESMOTHER. IT’S A WAY OF HONORING FEMALE ANCESTORS.

Being in a family really isn’t anything new to you. The truth is, you’ve been part of a family for a long time…ever since you were born! Our guess is that you’re reading this book because things are beginning to change, and you’re trying to figure it all out. It’s not that these changes are bad; they’re just different, which means being part of a family is going to look a little different from now on. Because you’re growing and changing, your family is going to