Grieving the Loss of a Loved One: A Devotional of Hope
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About this ebook
Death is an inevitable and constant part of life, yet those who grieve often feel misunderstood and alone in their journey, says Kathe Wunnenberg, author of Grieving the Loss of a Loved One. This compassionate book acts as a daily devotional companion to hurting people. Designed for adult readers of all ages and stages in the grieving process, it is sensitively written by an author who suffered three miscarriages and the death of an infant son. She knows from firsthand experience that there are no easy answers for those who mourn. Sixty devotions cover the many stages of grieving, including readings for holidays, birthdays, and special occasions, when grief can be particularly painful. Readers will walk away from the short thematic devotions and feel validated, connected to someone who knows how they truly feel, and with renewed hope in God. Friends and family members who sincerely want to help the grieving can give this book as a meaningful, beneficial expression of their love and concern.
Kathe Wunnenberg
Kathe Wunnenberg is the founder and president of Hopelifters Unlimited. She is a speaker, writer, leader, and connector known for her ability to offer creative solutions for real life problems. The author of Grieving the Loss of a Loved One and Grieving the Child I Never Knew, Kathe lives in Phoenix, Arizona, with her family. Connect with Kathe at www.hopelifters.com
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Grieving the Loss of a Loved One - Kathe Wunnenberg
Also by Kathe Wunnenberg
Grieving the Child I Never Knew
Longing for a Child
ZONDERVAN
Grieving the Loss of a Loved One
Copyright © 2000 by Kathe Wunnenberg
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan.
ePub Edition June 2009 ISBN 0-310-86234-5
Requests for information should be addressed to:
Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530
ISBN-10: 0-310-22778-X
ISBN-13: 978-0-310-22778-6
Most Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Other Scripture quotations are from The Living Bible (TLB) © 1971 by Tyndale House Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Interior design by Laura Klynstra Blost
With love and gratitude to my husband, Rich Wunnenberg. You inspired me through your own grief journey to trust God.
Thank you for being my life partner, best friend, encourager, a shoulder I could cry on, and a candle to light my darkest moments. You are a true reflection of Christ to me.
And to all those who are journeying through their own grief.
You keep me motivated to press on in spite of my pain.
CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Page
Acknowledgments
Readings for Special Days or Needs
Your Journey Through Grief
SECTION 1: DENYING
1. Journey Through the Fog to Reality
2. Out of the Gray Zone
3. Grief Mirage
4. Sailing to the Iceberg of Denial
5. Truth or Denial?
SECTION 2: VENTING
6. Journey to the Volcano of Anger
7. Journey from Envy to Admiration
8. Journey to Still Water
9. Hidden Longings
10. Jetty of Calm
SECTION 3: QUESTIONING
11. Wandering Through the Wilderness of Why
12. The Mystery of Death’s Timing
13. Stranded on If Only
Island
14. Why Not Me?
15. From Tragedy to Triumph
SECTION 4: BARGAINING
16. Journey to the Marketplace of Bargaining
17. Father Knows Best
18. God Delivered More Than I Bargained For
19. Let’s Make a Deal
20. Bargaining with Uncertainty About Your Loved One’s Eternal Future
SECTION 5: CRYING
21. Facing the Flash Floods of Tears
22. Happy-Sad Tears
23. Remembering
Tears
24. Others’ Tears
25. Growing Tears
SECTION 6: SURRENDERING
26. Journey into the Fire of Surrender
27. Running from God
28. Required Courses
29. On the Other Side of However
30. Receiving a Lift Is a Gift
SECTION 7: ACCEPTING
31. Seated at the Table of Acceptance
32. New Clothes
33. Lighten Up!
34. A Tissue and a Candle
35. I’ll Do It
SECTION 8: PRAISING
36. The Pathway Through Pain
37. Mountain Mover
38. Pain Producing Praise
39. Deep Roots
40. Journey to the Schoolhouse of Praise
SECTION 9: BEING
41. Being with the Shepherd
42. Being in the Darkness
43. Slow Down and Detour to the School of Being
44. Journey to the Cocoon of Being
45. Enjoy the Now
SECTION 10: CELEBRATING
46. Celebrate Your Framed Memories
47. The Memory Box
48. A Trophy to Remember
49. Remember, Yet Celebrate!
50. Journey from Winter to Springtime
SECTION 11: RELATING
51. Landscaping Loss into Your Life
52. Grief Mentor
53. Connecting Through Loss
54. Expect the Unexpected
55. Journey to the Pond of Relating
SECTION 12: LIVING
56. Journey to the Lighthouse of Living
57. Living with New Roles and Expectations
58. Being Thankful Is in Order
59. Living Beyond the No
60. Living in the Father’s Arms
Suggested Resources
Support Organizations
About the Publisher
Share Your Thoughts
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
WRITING A BOOK IS a lot like trying to have a baby. It may happen easily or never, or it may take years. While this project came together, I was in the process of grieving the loss of my son and recovering from two miscarriages. I was on a physical, emotional, and spiritual roller coaster. I didn’t know if I would have the endurance or stamina to deliver the project.
Then I discovered I was pregnant again. I panicked. I felt I didn’t need more illustrations about loss. I had to trust God and not lean on my own understanding. As my waistline disappeared and my deadline approached, my fax machine, e-mail, phone, and mailbox became flooded with insights from people who had lost loved ones. They affirmed the need for this book. They gave me the courage to labor on and to stay focused on the outcome of changing lives.
This project has enlarged my soul and stretched me beyond my limits. It has unleashed my passion to provide hope to the hurting and to proclaim the good news of God’s faithfulness. I am amazed as I bend over my six-month bulging belly to look at my completed manuscript, ready to be delivered into my editor’s hands. It has been a long and intense labor of love that I could have never completed without the support of many people. May this baby
produce fruit and multiply God’s kingdom. I salute my co-laborers
:
The Zondervan Publishing Team
Thank you for believing in me and seeing the potential in this project. I deeply appreciate your creative staff, commitment to excellence, encouragement, and prayers.
Ann Spangler, you’re a great senior acquisitions editor and encourager! You see beyond conception. Your ability, flexibility, and sensitivity made it a less painful labor.
Janet Kobobel Grant, you’re a great editing coach who helped me to breathe to the finish! Thanks for your insights and heart for this project.
Verlyn Verbrugge, thanks for your finishing touches.
The Contributors
Thanks to those who provided me with valuable feedback from my questionnaire and with personal insights and stories about your losses. I received many moving stories but could share only a portion of them in this book.
Thanks to my mom, Alice Stephens, for keeping the faxes coming with research, ideas, and verses. Thanks, Mom, for your love and prayers and for being my biggest cheerleader through the years.
The PIT Team (Personal Intercessory Team)
Thanks to forty-six of you throughout the United States and Canada for laboring on your knees for this project and me. You helped carry me through to completion! I hope you’ll continue through the next book. If I had to choose between Pitosin and prayer, prayer delivers!
The Mentors
Thanks to John McAdam, who instilled the dream to write; the University of Missouri’s journalism school, which sharpened my skill; Carol Kent, who saw my potential as a Christian communicator, cheered me on, and published my story in her book; Judy Couchman, for modeling perseverance as a writer, for teaching me, and for connecting me with Ann Spangler; Traci Mullins, for reading my proposal; The Vision Group, for coming alongside me with support and encouragement; Dottie Escabedo-Frank and Margie Erbe, for being my grief mentors.
The Up-Close-and-Personal Local Team
Rich Wunnenberg, my husband, best friend, technical support, encourager, and grief mentor, thank you for helping me to fulfill my dream of being pregnant and writing a book
and for sharing the labor with me by listening to me read every story aloud.
Jake Wunnenberg, you’re a terrific son, who is sensitive to my needs and gives great hugs! Thanks for sharing picnics at the cemetery and happy-sad tears with me.
Lisa Jernigan and Jan James for being Jesus-with-skin-on friends, who walked with me through the fire of my losses. Thanks for loving me unconditionally and just being there.
Christian Business Women’s Association for reflecting Christ to me.
Mountain Park Community Church for your meals and love in action.
Jesus Christ, You are the great physician and true deliverer of this project. Nothing is impossible with You. Thanks for being my Lord and Savior.
READING FOR SPECIAL DAYS OR NEEDS
SPECIAL OCCASIONS, HOLIDAYS, AND personal circumstances may trigger your grief and expose a new dimension of living life without your loved one. When you encounter these times in your journey and desire encouragement or a fresh perspective, turn to the selected reading for that specific day or need.
New Year’s Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .219
Valentine’s Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .201
Veterans’ Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .102
Good Friday . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .66
Easter Sunday . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .137
Graduation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .116
Back to School . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .158
Anniversary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .49, 96
Birthdays . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .119, 185
Mother’s Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42
Father’s Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .78, 232
Weddings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .194
Thanksgiving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .225
Christmas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .188, 229
Loss of a Grandchild . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .60
Children Who Grieve . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .57, 96, 191
Men Who Grieve . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27, 39, 99, 130, 194, 222
Moving, Transitions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111, 130, 179, 222
Helping