Sex Tips for Gay Guys

By Dan Anderson

You think you've got all the moves. And you may. But do you know the preferred moves, mores and man-pleasing tactics for a host of other gay types? From the Campus Queer to the Do-Me Queen, the Twelve Stepper to the Sugar Daddy, Dan Anderson unleashes his expertise to disclose the secret longings of a host of hotties. You'll learn to master such sure-fire tricks as the "Up, Twist, Over and Down", the "Twirl" and the "Head Rub." Anderson and his posse of urban adventurers have seen and done it all, and now they spill their great, gritty sex secrets between two hard covers.

But there's more in Sex Tips for Gay Guys than just hot, hard how-to information about how to be great in the sack. Anderson, with the skill of a master sociologist and the wit of a baby Paul Rudnick, paints a picture of gay rituals, mating and dating at the dawn of the new century. You'll recognize everyone you've dated--and a few you're yet to meet--in this hilarious book.

"The best-kept secrets of sex experts (and a few sexually satisfied women) are now up for grabs—and road-testing." - Cosmopolitan

• Language: English
• Publisher: Macmillan Publishers
• Release date: Dec 31, 2002
• ISBN: 9781429970242

Dan Anderson

Dan Anderson and Maggie Berman are the authors of the bestselling Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man. They live in Palm Springs and New York City.

Book preview

Introduction

You Asked for It

You may already have heard that this is actually my second sex tips book. The first, written with my best friend, Maggie, was called Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man. While working on that, we talked to zillions of our gay friends about what they like and dislike, what they do in bed, whom they’ve slept with, and how they got them there. You’d be truly amazed at the sheer volume of information that even perfect strangers will unload when you have a book to back you up as an expert. All of this professional research was filed away, and much of it came to light in our not-so-scientific studies referred to in that book.

Soon enough, Sex Tips came out, we went on tour to promote it, and made even more fast friends who wanted to share the juicy details of their sex lives. From gay guys, the one question that consistently popped up was Why don’t you write a book for us?—often accompanied by the just-this-side-of-bitter refrain: "I know a few guys I’d give that book to." As it turns out—big surprise—not all gay guys are the sexual stars we thought they were. Although the guys we met were totally in tune with their own sexpertise, it was all those other guys who needed help.

So where does a guy turn for good advice? Those postadventure Sunday-brunch convos can be fun, but some guys are reluctant to get into the nitty-gritty details over their eggs Bennie. Or, they just say that the sex was fabulous and are content to leave it at that. There are certainly boatloads of sex books out there for gay guys; some even offer detailed descriptions of particular positions. So why is it that you can test a technique with one guy and it’s majorly mind-blowing, then try it with another and it’s a big bore?

The bottom line is that good sex is in your head and heart every bit as much as in your hands and hard-on. Rule number one is to keep an open mind and an open spirit. Showing a little confidence in your sexual ingenuity will make you a man magnet. Once you’ve attracted all these guys, it’s up to you to decide what to do with them. You can pick up a good tip from just about any guy, so if a one-night wonder crosses your path, recognize it for what it is and enjoy the evening. Other orders that arrive in your male box will prove so clingy that you have to beat them off with a stick (something they may actually like, so be careful). Whether you’re looking for a relationship or not, Cling-Ons can be good for a few practice runs, too.

Which brings us to rule number two: Enjoy yourself, but not at the expense of others. Yes, we’re all adults here, but the truth is that sex can be an emotional and tricky business. You may be cruising along billing yourself as a hot one-night wonder, when an even hotter one-nighter crosses your path and magically morphs you into a Cling-On. Situations can change at the drop of a hat. But no matter how hard it may be, you’ve got to throw that hat in the ring if you want to relish the ride. The same awareness of others that you bring into the bedroom will stand you well in the barroom, the boardroom, and occasionally, even a back room.

Your adventurous spirit is what makes you the charming, witty, highly evolved gay guy that you fully deserve to be. So seize the day. When opportunity knocks, throw open that door with a big Hollywood hello and a highball in your hand. In hindsight, some of your adventures may not seem as if they were worth the effort. But if you never make any mistakes, how are you supposed to learn from them? The more menergy you embrace, the more you’ll have to show off the next time around.

And don’t be afraid to take the lead. Sometimes you’ll make the first move, sometimes the other guy will; either way, somebody has to, and it might as well be you. One of the joys of gaydom is that we are free from the sexual and other roles that society imposes on straight folk. Forging your own way can be daunting, but it’s far preferable to sitting in the backseat watching somebody else do all the driving. And with zillions of go-go gay guys out there waiting to meet you, you can always take turns driving.

Enough seriousness, let’s talk about sex. Every guy in the world has at least a few particularly fond memories of great sex and, with remarkably little prodding, is perfectly willing to tell you all about them. With deadline in mind, I figured the best way to get guys to open up about their stellar sexperiences was to loosen their lips with a little truth serum. So I gathered some friends together and, over countless pitchers of martinis, set out to find what separated five-star supersex from lone-star lackluster sex. As the cocktails flowed, so did the stories. Everyone has at least one magic memory of incredible sex. Considering the habits of this group, most had several. Sometimes they never saw the guy again, sometimes they actually dated for a while, and sometimes they were both sitting in the room and couldn’t get too specific. You’ll be reading their stories soon enough.

Think of this book as the collected wisdom of a number of guys who have definitely been around the block a few times. If you’re picturing a bunch of booze-swilling, bed-hopping past or present party boys, then you’re not far off the mark. On the other hand, all those laps around the block mean loads of information to share with you, and now it’s yours for little more than the cost of a K-One martini.

Now that you know what to expect from us, we’ll share our assumptions about you. You’re more than likely single, maybe in your twenties or thirties, and have darkened the doorway of at least a few gay bars. You’ve managed to safely stow away any baggage you may have had about being gay, you’ve got some good gay friends who are fun to go out with, and you’re up for a little adventure. If you’re just getting your gay life started, then we hope that you’ll pick up a few tips (not to mention a few guys), enjoy the ride (and the read), and by all means, keep us posted on all your exploits (for future editions, naturally). If you’re a little more advanced, we hope you might still learn a few things, that you enjoy reading about more than a few situations that you’ve no doubt already encountered, and that, by all means, you’ll buy this book for any up-and-comers who cross your frisky footpath.

In the immortal words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, someone who always knew where to find a party, In life, there are no second acts (or something like that). Rehearsal time is over, so grab your share of the limelight and shine.

Welcome to HomoLand

We all remember our first trip to Disney World, and the wondrous and exciting subworlds inside. As a mini-Mo in training, you were probably quite fond of Tomorrowland, with its gleaming, shiny surfaces, futuristic look, and the promise of a life of ease and contentment, complete with a videophone that knew how to scramble your image on a bad-hair day. You may also have harbored a special fondness for Tomorrowland since it was where you wanted to be, instead of stuck in the boring straight world, waiting in line for Space Mountain and looking at pictures of perfect futuristic families that you knew would never be yours. Well, tomorrow is suddenly today, the videophones are here (though they haven’t yet solved that hair issue), and there’s no more waiting in line for the rides.

HomoLand is the place that we all imagined and thought we’d never see. It is full of handsome musclemen in skimpy spandex outfits who walk down the street holding hands, who cruise you back with a boldness you never dreamed possible, and who are ready and willing to talk to you right now. It’s the restaurant where two guys having dinner together don’t feel like freaks, the bookstore with all the gay mags, the shop where the salesboy doesn’t flinch when you ask him if those pants make your ass look good. In HomoLand, you’re really popular, have a fabulous wardrobe, and need to have cards printed up with your phone number because so many guys are asking for it.

Well, guess what? HomoLand is open for business and your table is ready. As you no doubt know, some version of HomoLand already exists in every big city across America, and probably the world, for that matter. We won’t even list them since they’re so well-known, and if you’re reading this book, it’s safe to assume that you know where to find them.

But there’s more to HomoLand than geography, since it also exists in your head, and you don’t have to live in the gay ghetto to shack up there. HomoLand is also a social construct, a way of viewing the world, and we have to say it, a way of life. It’s not just about being out, it’s about being out in the world, and not afraid to take chances, follow your dreams, have fun, make mistakes, and even learn from them. It’s about accepting not just yourself, but also evil poofs, mean queens, body buddies, and others whom you may not necessarily like, but acknowledge nonetheless. In other words, everyone has a home in HomoLand.

We Love Gay Life

That being said, however, it can still be a real blast to live in the ghetto, hang out with the boys, and have tons of fun. Many years ago, my best friend, Jim, and I were on our way from Philadelphia to New York for a weekend visit with our other dear friend, Miss Amy. It was a cold, rainy winter night, and we decided to pop for a cocktail before the drive. Needless to say, one cocktail turned into three or four, and we were soon talking about how nice it would be to bake on a beach with an endless supply of margaritas. In what was probably the most spontaneous thing we ever did until then or since, we got into the car and headed straight for 1-95 South. Fearful that our booze-fueled resolution might fade if we stopped home for bathing suits, we got on the road immediately and decided that we (and another trusted friend, Miss Visa) could buy whatever else we needed in Florida.

The drive down was long and, frankly, better forgotten. In any case, we made it to Fort Lauderdale in time for dinner the next day. We called our respective jobs and told them we wouldn’t be in the next week, nabbed a disco nap, then headed out amidst the palm trees to the big cha-cha palace. It was Saturday night, after all, and there was no missing that. The details are a little hazy now on whether we got lucky that night or not.

The next day we picked up cheapie bathing suits and perched by the pool for a solid seven hours. The little poolside bar had a dishy bartender named Patsy, who seemed to have the dirt on everybody, and who kept us in cocktails for most of the afternoon. Later that night, after moisturizing our one-day tans, we were getting ready to go out. Jim was doing something to his hair, and I was doing some sort of face mask, when we looked at each other, raised our glasses (it goes without saying that cocktails were a constant companion during the visit), and said, We love gay life! We even had a visit from this nerdy guy Edwin, who happened to be visiting our hotel with his parents from some awful hick town in West Virginia. We figured anyone who was traveling with his parents from West Virginia and had the chutzpah to actually knock on our door to ask if he could go out with us really needed a night out. So we took him along and soon learned that little Edwin was no artless ingenue when it came to a pickup. Within minutes of our arrival, he was chatting up some six-and-a-half-foot-tall drag queen, with whom he later left. We never saw him again.

The rest of the trip was pretty much the same setup every day, minus the Edwin visit, and we had a ball. The point is that, at that moment, we were two young guys without a care in the world, and the most important issue of the day was which bar to start the evening’s activities in. There’s a lot to be said for those days, and we highly recommend that, at some point in your gay life, you enjoy some.

Sex and the Single Guy

When you’re young, cute, and single is possibly the best time to enjoy your boys’ nights out. Life has a way of being less complicated: a trick is a trick, a date is a date, and you know well enough not to mix them up. If you fool around a lot when you’re young, it can also be your chance to see the interiors of lots of chichi apartment buildings that you’d otherwise have to wait years to be invited to. If you’re really good, you may even be invited back to see the place some night before 3 A.M.

Another good reason to earn your sexual stripes when you’re young is that you can get away with all sorts of behaviors that will prove unacceptable after the age of twenty-five. Guys don’t expect you to call when you take their number, so you need not feel guilty when you don’t. You can march up to virtually anyone and strike up a convo, and you can march right off if he turns out to be a dud. You can hit the bars almost every night and still make it to work the next day with only minimal bags under your