The Chronicles of IDIOT

By Erin Berry

You are correct, there is a government conspiracy. But, what if the conspiracy is that the government had a bureau to encourage other types of conspiracies, as well as distract people from the government's actions. In this satire, "The Chronicles of IDIOT", the story of the bureau is told in two intertwined narratives.

The IDIOT (Interdepartmental Distraction and Innovation of Obsequiousness Team) was started by Ernst Rheinholdt, an archeologist who has more fun with fooling people than with academics. His journal chronicles of the rise, fall and re-rise of IDIOT. Each Rheinholdt chapter gives us a glimpse of everything IDIOT has been up to since the Truman administration.

Alex Griffin, a graduate student, accidentally finds one of IDIOT's distractions, and while learning about the bureau, tries to become a team member by sampling employment at all of the IDIOT departments. These departments cover communication, entertainment, UFO/extraterrestrial, biomedical, and travel distractions. Communications are covered by a "Lobbying" firm called 'Integratives' and are primarily an internet driven part of the bureau giving us such gems as viral videos and email rumors. Entertainment distraction is brought to you by a PR firm called 'Introducing...' where the love lives of celebrities are manipulated and suggestions for the stupidest of TV shows and movies are all in a days work. 'Deterent Technologies' may look like a security firm on the outside but on the inside it fakes UFOs for all those "the truth is out there" believers. 'Oppintron' is a biomedical company to the world but it's IDIOT purpose is to promote recreational use of legal drugs (think Viagra) and encourage cryptozoology myths such as the Chupacabra and Bigfoot. If you have ever gotten into a traffic jam that seemed to come from nowhere, 'Travelot' may be to blame, to the public they are a high end Travel Agency, on the inside, they give us all distracting travel headaches.

Such is the world of this novella, "The Chronicles of IDIOT", giving Americans much needed distractions from whatever their dear government may be up to at the time. Who wants to think of such depressing stuff as lies which get us into war, when we could watch American Idol, instead.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Erin Berry
• Release date: Sep 11, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466119970

Erin Berry

Hi! Thanks for visiting my author page on Smashwords. As well as being an author part-time, I am a full-time Mom. I used to do genetics research as a professional Igor, but find being a Mom and an author much more fulfilling, and less stressful. I was born and lived my first 18 years in Phoenix. Then got a degree in Zoology and a Master's in Genetics from Northern Arizona University and I still miss Flagstaff. Currently live, love, and write in Tucson, Arizona.

Book preview

The Chronicles of IDIOT

By Erin Berry

Copyright 2011 Erin Berry

Smashwords Edition, License Notes:

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the author, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Cover design by RE Berry

This ebook is absolutely pure fiction. None of it is true. Though based on some true events, it is fiction and all persons appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Except for Hitler, but I don't think he will mind.

This ebook is dedicated to Bob, Cole and Audrey.

Please visit Erin Berry's Blog

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – Rheinholdt's Revenge

Chapter 2 – Misplacement

Chapter 3 – Rheinholdt's Future

Chapter 4 – Job Offer

Chapter 5 – IDIOT Begins

Chapter 6 – Geneatrics

Chapter 7 – Eisenhowitzer Era

Chapter 8 – Home

Chapter 9 – Striapach Era

Chapter 10 – D.C.

Chapter 11 – Pecker Era

Chapter 12 – Integratives

Chapter 13 – Dickson Era

Chapter 14 – Deterent Technologies

Chapter 15 – Chevy Era

Chapter 16 – Introducing...

Chapter 17 – Cuckold Era

Chapter 18 – Oppintron

Chapter 19 – Hippocrite Era

Chapter 20 – Travelot

Chapter 21 – E.W.W. Kriegshetzer Era

Chapter 22 – Decision

Chapter 23 – Déshabiller Era

Chapter 24 – Waiting Game

Chapter 25 – E.W. Kriegshetzer Era

Chapter 26 – New Position

Chapter 27 – Obamarama Era

Chapter 1 – Rheinholdt's Revenge

Berlin, Germany 1945

My God, the man is mad, thought Himler. When did he go mad? He seemed so competent when he was elected. Mein Kampf was a revelation, and he wrote that in prison. Well, now he is mad and there is nothing we can do besides carry out his orders. The first sign was his continuing the attack on Russia when it was winter. Didn't he rail against that as Napoleon's big mistake? I know he thinks that this time will be different, but isn't that how history repeats itself? The attack did start in summer, but then he delayed by trying to take care of the Balkans. His ego is taking over. He giggled after we signed that treaty with Russia, saying, They will be ours by next year. That was six years ago, and it has been downhill ever since.

Eva is beside herself, saying he talks in his sleep about the untapped power. And when he is awake, he is promising her that she will be his empress to his emperor of Europe – and then the world. Is it delusions of grandeur or is he dreaming out loud? He keeps saying that she is Josephine to his Napoleon and Guinevere to his Arthur, and he just needs Excalibur to complete his conquest of Europe. All the members of the Thule Society have begun to distance themselves. They know when they have a good thing (and Hitler was a very good thing for them), and they know when that good thing has gone too far. Riding in the car from their secret headquarters, now is the time to make a plan to stop this madness, thought Himler.

My grandmother says idle hands are the devil's playthings and I wonder if Hitler's hands have become playthings? Grandmother also said distraction takes away from idleness. Should we distract him? His love of the occult is already an expensive distraction. The only people who love it are the overpaid archaeologists and they just brush away dust off their worshiped junk all day. I have lost that love, for my amulets have all failed me in my most precarious hour, and everyone at Thule are idiots saying it needs more time. I have come to the realization that they are just leeches and the occult is a con. Getting him out of the way may be the only way to save the Reich. Do we really want the Russians and British to come and take over because our Fürher has lost his mind? I should find someone to bring him occult garbage that will distract him while we get on with this war.

Sitting across from a frightened looking youth, Himler was enjoying himself. He loved this interrogation room, it always got them talking. This youth, this academic, Dr. Ernst Rheinholdt was the one. His background was perfect. His parents are German, but he was raised in Norway, and he is an expert of Arthurian and Norse Archeology. He was brought over from Oslo this morning, arrested in his bed, scared and willing to do anything for us. I heard he has a talent for art and mischief and has already fooled his fellow students. Perfect.

Perhaps Himler was enjoying this too much, as he always enjoyed threatening people. All I have to do is make a phone call and your dear Father is dead.

If it wasn't for my Father, why should I help you? said Rheinholdt.

Like all our solutions, this is for the greater glory of the Reich. said Himler.

In the bunker at midnight, Hitler was desperate, When will it get here? he kept demanding. Soon, soon, my Fürher. said Himler, Dr. Rheinholdt just found it this morning, and it was carefully flown in from Norway. It's on it's way from the airport as we speak.

This will change the war. Everyone will bow down when they see Excalibur, Hitler reassured himself. Yeah, right, thought Himler as he watched the idiot ruler pace.

Rheinholdt entered with a long chest about four feet in length and one foot wide. It was beautifully carved with old Saxon symbols, I had to assume, but was covered with dust. Hitler moaned with satisfaction. Dr. Rheinholdt said, My Fürher, after the Reich's glorious capture of Norway, I was instructed by Commander Himler to find Excalibur for you. It was not easy, but in sympathy for your dream of a new, pure Europe, I worked day and night to find this wondrous sword, so that the British will bow down to you. Rheinholdt almost sounded as if he believed what he was saying, and Hitler was so delusional, he ate it up with a spoon. The chest was opened and the sword was revealed. It was a beautiful sword.

Reviews for The Chronicles of IDIOT

[arlenadean · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Author: Erin BerryPublished by: E.B.Age Recommended: AdultReviewed By: Arlena DeanRating: 5Review:"The Chronicles of IDIOT" was some read that turned out to be somewhat humorous as it will pokes fun at the government. Now what is this about..as this story moves from the past to present..it tells "the history of a government organization that was to protect unsuspecting Americans from be too interested in just what did matter. One side we find the story moving forward using secret journals while the other side will tell a story of a actual recruit. Now, this will lead you to wonder just what is a IDIOT? It is "actually a name derived for a group of people specifically brought together to create strange phenomena and interesting sightings in the hopes of keeping the American people from getting bored with life." Now, if you can follow that ...you must pick up the read to get a fuller understanding in what all this author want us to know about a IDIOT. It will definitely have you questioning what if? Would I recommend this read? Yes, it may leave you asking do we really pay attention to what the government is doing?