Twenty Funny Stories: Book 7

By Margaret Radisich Sleasman

Baking cookies, high school reunions, dandelions and funerals; these stories and 16 more to tickle your funny bone. Another hilarious book from the Twenty Funny Stories Series to brighten your day!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Margaret Radisich Sleasman
• Release date: Oct 31, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465866202

Margaret Radisich Sleasman

I have many interests, love reading mystery books, anything about tigers, and grandkids (not particularly in that order). I wrote a Bible study and am pretty much unmoveable in my literal biblical view - so don't try. I am attempting to write a couple mysteries one for adults and one for pre-teens. I edited and published a monthly historical newsletter, "The Pacific Northwest Croatian" for seven years and learned much about my people during that time. I have been writing on Helium since July of 2009 and Faithwriters since December 2009. I found the humor section and discovered that humor may be my niche, but my first love is writing Christianity articles. I have five grandchildren. I have five children, grown - but not grown up. We have a German Shepherd (Kobe)and a potbelly pig (Porky). Spent 35 years of my life making concrete lawn ornaments. I am Croatian, my husband is German... a family of stubborn, but silly people. That's about it.

Book preview

TWENTY FUNNY STORIES BOOK SEVEN

By Margaret Radisich Sleasman

Published by Margaret Radisich Sleasman at Smashwords

Copyright: 2010 Margaret Radisich Sleasman:

All Rights Reserved

This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

*****

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my family, relatives, and the Croatian friends in the community in which I grew up. The Croatian sense of humor is probably the best in the world as far as I am concerned. We may be a strange group at times, but have a zest for life unparallel to any other nationality that I have met.

None of these stories are true; maybe a sentence or two and then I enlarged it to my viewpoint. I hope that others will chuckle and not find my writing insulting, that was not my intent. After you read these stories, you will know without a doubt what you suspected all along, I am totally insane. Laughter extends your life, so laugh with me or at me; God bless you all.

*****

1. Men & Grocery Shopping

In all our 41 years of marriage my husband has gone grocery shopping with me twice until he retired. This is because I banned him from the stores. He picked up expensive cheeses and other items and then freaked out because the bill was so high; somehow he could not fathom that the rest of the family needed to eat too.

He has been retired for almost a year now and one of his fun things is to drive to the next town where the only Safeway store in the county is located. He cannot buy one of something, but buys at least six so he goes alone because I am not a shop-together kind of a person. Being a man’s man, he loves steaks, but only rib bone-in and (he says) Safeway has the best, so whenever they are on sale off he goes to buy a half dozen family packs for me to freeze in single-steak packages (he is the only one that eats them).

The only other store he is allowed to go to is the Dollar Store where he buys reading glasses. He comes home with a half dozen pair in all colors and sizes. He used to buy other things in the dollar store like pickled cauliflower, but being that he did not have his glasses on he would get six jars of unknown pickle types thinking he made a big score in the pickled cauliflower isle. I have shelves of pickles that no one will touch. The new rule is Do not buy anything without your glasses.

Another week, another sale and back to Safeway he goes. He is always so pleased when he comes home and goes on and on how friendly everyone is to him. Finally, Mr. Hermit is coming out of his shell, maybe we will actually go out to dinner sometime soon (it has been four years). Since we both forgot our anniversary this year, we have another 364 days to wait for date-night.

After Safeway and the Dollar Store, can you imagine what would happen if he went into a hardware store? Six hammers, I don’t think so. This is why I am the one that does all the rest of the shopping, even at the hardware store.

Of course it is not just the stores, it is garage sales and side of the road bargains that are a pox to his wallet. For awhile he was coming home with broken riding lawnmowers. At one point we had six, but my son took one home, two are for parts and the other three we mow lawn with or just use them for transportation around the yard (easier than walking). His latest acquisition, 6 top-hats with monopoly pieces glued to them. Maybe I should give