The Old Woman and Other Lesbian Stories

By Q. Kelly

THE OLD WOMAN: Jessica is a pretty good best friend, but she goes too far when she dares Rachel to ask an old woman on a date. Rachel has no choice; otherwise Jessica will do the asking, and Rachel has no intention of humiliating the old woman. Turns out maybe Jessica's idea was not so bad after all. There is a lot more to Ada than her age.

FUNERAL: Olivia takes a drastic step to combat lesbian bed death.

THE LESBIAN CURSE: Becky and Katy are in middle school and tussling over a boy. Becky curses Katy, saying Katy will become a lesbian.

POLLY WANNA CRACKER: Polly is a bird. A parrot, to be exact. She follows the goings-on of her human family, especially Faye, the daughter, and Glenda, the mother. Polly knows their secrets too. Will Polly spill the beans when she finds herself able to talk after bonking her head against a window?

WHAT GIRLFRIEND?: Bobbie hopes her one-night stand won't pull the U-Haul trick.

HAUNTED: Haunted people? Sure, they're everywhere. Haunted houses? Oooh, spooky. Good movie fodder. Excellent for campfire scares. Haunted cars? They’re not unheard of. But haunted pens? Yep, they exist, as Linda and Victoria find out when such a pen brings them together.

FORTUNE: Best friends Jackie and Emma go to a fortune teller. Emma is shocked when the teller reveals to Jackie that Emma is her secret admirer.

LILI FROM THE FUTURE: It's a dream many people have; your future self visits you and fucks you.

LIZZIE: Twelve-year-old Shel is not sure if her best friend means it when he says he's going to kill a person.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Q. Kelly
• Release date: Nov 12, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465971388

Q. Kelly

I live in Washington state, where I am a writer and an editor. I also have a master's degree in deaf education. In my free time, I hike and savor frappuccinos.Fact One: I like corny jokes. If you have any good ones, send them my way!Fact Two: My favorite color is purple, but my writing is gray. Life is not black and white. I often write about issues and characters where there is no "right" answer.Fact Three: I'm weird. I like being weird.Email me at [e-mail]. I'd love to hear from you.Check out my blogs at qkelly.wordpress.com and qkelly.blogspot.com.

Book preview

The Old Woman

and Other Lesbian Stories

By Q. Kelly

Ride the Rainbow Books

www.ridetherainbowbooks.com

This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead or actual events is purely coincidental.

No part of this book may be reproduced without the permission of the author.

The Old Woman and other Lesbian Stories Copyright © 2011 by Q. Kelly

Many thanks to Leigh Ann Britt for her excellent work on the cover.

Smashwords Edition

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Q.Kelly on the Web:

http://qkelly.blogspot.com

http://qkelly.wordpress.com

I would love to hear from you!

Email me at [e-mail]

The Old Woman and Other Lesbian Stories

By Q. Kelly

Table of Contents

The Old Woman

Jessica is a pretty good best friend, but she goes too far when she dares Rachel to ask an old woman on a date. Rachel has no choice; otherwise Jessica will do the asking, and Rachel has no intention of humiliating the old woman. Turns out maybe Jessica's idea was not so bad after all. There is a lot more to Ada than her age.

Funeral

Olivia takes a drastic step to combat lesbian bed death.

The Lesbian Curse

Becky and Katy are in middle school and tussling over a boy. Becky curses Katy, saying Katy will become a lesbian.

Polly Wanna Cracker

Polly is a bird. A parrot, to be exact. She follows the goings-on of her human family, especially Faye, the daughter, and Glenda, the mother. Polly knows their secrets too. Will Polly spill the beans when she finds herself able to talk after bonking her head against a window?

Haunted

Haunted people? Sure, they're everywhere. Haunted houses? Oooh, spooky. Good movie fodder. Excellent for campfire scares. Haunted cars? They’re not unheard of. But haunted pens? Yep, they exist, as Linda and Victoria find out when such a pen brings them together.

What Girlfriend?

Bobbie hopes her one-night stand won't pull the U-Haul trick.

Fortune

Best friends Jackie and Emma go to a fortune teller. Emma is shocked when the teller reveals to Jackie that Emma is her secret admirer.

Lili from the Future

It's a dream many people have; your future self visits you and fucks you.

Lizzie

Twelve-year-old Shel is not sure if her best friend means it when he says he's going to kill a person.

The Old Woman

Jessica's blue eyes gleamed. Mischief pulled her lips back for one of these Jessicasmiles that often caused me to wonder how I ended up being her best friend and roommate. So, Jessica said, how about this?

Forget it. I had no desire to hear what was behind her sly grin.

Come on, she chided. You said you—

I know what I said. I had asked Jessica to help me meet people, to help me break out of my cocoon. To help me get over Janet.

Jessica reached for a box of crackers. Nip Chee. What an odd name. Nip chee. Sounded like what would gurgle from the throat of a choking cat. Nip chee! Nip chee!

Real cheddar cheese, no less. Nip chee!

I lowered my gaze to the floor. The supermarket had blindingly shiny floors, and I saw a better use for Nip chee than a strangling cat. Say you're walking along, minding your own business, and someone forgot to put out a Use caution. Floor is wet sign, and you slip.

Nip chee! you might cry in alarm as you slipped.

I eased the crackers of out of Jessica's hands and replaced the box. Jessica, look. No crazy ideas, okay? Just introduce me to people. Go with me to parties. Normal stuff, you know?

In case you haven't noticed, that is what I've been doing. And guess what? It ain't working. The next woman to walk into this aisle, you ask her out. On a date. No fudging about it.

I laughed. Whatever. No.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Yeah, I'll be asking out some ugly homophobic chick or something. No thanks. Or... My chest tightened. Or Janet. I bet she'll be the next person.

Jessica sighed and ran a hand through her closely cropped brown hair. Janet's clear across the country!

Thanks for reminding me.

It's been six months! Have some fun.

I pretended to survey a row of peanuts. But it was Janet's face, her green eyes, her long black hair, her crooked nose thanks to a softball injury, that burned my vision. I appreciate this, really. You putting up with me and all that. But I'm not going to ask some random stranger out. I'm not you. You know I can't do that.

Jessica shrugged. Fine. Either you do it, or I'll do it for you.

Indignation swelled inside me. Envy, too. Most people would not dare follow through on such a threat, but Jessica would. Fine, I muttered. Fine, I'll do it myself. How do I look?

Jessica surveyed me. Wonderful, as always. You're a heartbreaker. The next woman to walk in here is very lucky.

Cheeseball.

What? You're great, and you're hot. Start acting like it.

I shook my head and wandered a few steps to the popcorn.

Jessica was at my heels. Stop that. Stop avoiding.

I fingered a box of diet popcorn and then turned to Jessica. I loved her. I really did, but there were times I wanted to strangle her. It was amazing that we managed to be best friends since childhood, and then roommates. We were complete opposites, both in looks and personality. Where she was short, dark-haired and butch, I was feminine, willowy and blonde. I was shy and passive, while Jessica was outgoing and made friends simply by snapping her fingers.

Why do I put up with you? I wondered aloud.

Jessica laughed. The question is why I put up with you.

You're not really gonna make me do this, are you? What if—

Shh! Shh! Someone's coming!

A woman turned into the aisle, and my heart stopped. I froze. I wanted to die. Please don't let this