The Randomness: A Pseudo-Biographical Comprehension of a Man With Inconceivable Thoughts

By Alexander Van Elsacker

This is a book that truly attempts to comprehend the vastness of humankind's reasoning, logic, and lack thereof through engaging examples that are understood only subconsciously. Written in spare time, it has been called "The most amazing book ever," "ADHD in a book," and everything in between.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Alexander Van Elsacker
• Release date: Apr 16, 2012
• ISBN: 9780615635552

Book preview

Chapter 1

This is lots of blah blah blah.

I don’t like blah blah blah.

That is why you read this.

It might be something you don’t want to do, but you are doing it, are you not?

But think about it this way.

You already read it now, so no sense getting upset over it, is there?

Unless you think you can get away with the murder of these fine words, hmm?

Don’t do anything you will regret, unless you won’t regret it, but you just think you will?

Did that make any sense to you?

It just confused me.

But maybe it should confuse me.

After all, it wasn’t meant for me, it was meant for you.

But are you who I think you are?

Who do I think you are?

Are you a man?

Or are you, in fact, a cat in disguise?

I hate it when they attack my pants.

They get claws, and then they sharpen them on my leg, and then my leg feels like a pin cushion.

But it is a pin cushion, isn’t it?

I would love to say I like it, but I don’t.

That is the truth.

I like to not like it, so LEAVE IT ALONE YOU SISSY PANSIES!!!

On that note, I would like to get some java, but my computer just won’t run it.

I wish it would.

Maybe if I blow it up it will make the warrantee replace it.

What if I just make a cake that blows things up, and then give it to my computer for its birthday.

Then it will blow up and make many little baby computers that will become my slaves.

How will I control them you ask?

I will just re-program them till they are mine, through and through.

That should make them work for me!

But what If they get a mind of their own?

What if they rebel?

What if they don’t like me?

Then I must DESTROY THEM All!!!

But what if they are nice?

What if they are good little babies?

Then I will create an army.

This army is a great and powerful army.

It shall destroy all who come near it.

Surely it shall.

But until then, I must make use of my time.

You must have time, huh?

After reading all this, how do you feel?

Are you angry?

Are you happy?

Are you amused?

Or are you perturbed?

How does all of this make you feel?

Feelings can be very helpful.

It can hurt too.

What do yours do?

Do they hurt you?

Is there something inside calling to you, asking to come out?

Are you a pathetic slob that hates everything good in this world?

Ask yourself this, and then do something about it.

Make something of yourself.

Become a superhero, or a dark Villain.

Whatever you want to do, you are welcome to.

Just don’t touch the merchandise, or look under the seats.

It could jump out and eat you, and then attack your dreams with a giant alarm clock.

(Maybe not the scariest thing, but absolutely horrifying if you like your dreams.)

What could possibly do something like that?

I could, that’s who.

Maybe I should print this out, and then torture my friends with it.

That should be fun!!!

But what shall I do with it?

Where to go from here?

Should I go forward?

Or should I go back?

Maybe sideways.

How should I know which way to go?

Do I ask someone?

Maybe I should just change the subject like normal.

Why not?

I’ll tell you why not!

And I will tell you as soon as I figure it out for myself.

What should I do?

How many options are there?

Screw it!!!

Let’s just party!!!

I love parties.

Mario Party 4 was good.

So was 5.

And 6.

And 7.

Crap.

How many of those freaking things are there?!?

What, like 15?

They really know how to rip someone off, I’ll tell you that right now.

Why must there be so many???

It is really pointless, if you think about it.

Why are there so many people buying those?

Who plays them?

I know you don’t like to go to school sweetie, but what’s wrong with Barney?

Whoa.

Where the heck did that come from?

See?

There’s the good old Mario Party thought trick.

It makes you think different.

Speaking of different… I’m not sure.

I forgot what I was going to say.

I am a complete moron.

Why am I even typing this?

Could someone please point me in the right direction towards my life?

I know I don’t make sense, but I taste good right?

But what does taste good?

What kinds of tastes are there?

Does my foot taste good?

I’ve never tried it.

Maybe I lack the inspiration to do anything right