It's Supposed to Hurt! Volume I: Coming Out on Top

By Cassandra Park

Fiction, essays, and observations about the art of discipline, from Cassandra (Sandy) Park, New York City's number one specialist on what bad boys and girls really need. Ms. Cassandra, a writer who's been in the kink community for over 25 years, talks about her experience of moving from being exclusively a bottom to eventually owning her "inner sadist" and relishing her domme side.

"I’ve always played hard, and I’ve used a lot of what has pushed my buttons as a bottom in my own topping scenes. But I kept wondering if I was “just” a service domme, just doing it because it was what would please someone else, rather than pleasing myself.

“Over time, I began to see and accept my role as a domme. Now I feel a thrill within me to be able to control a scene, the knowledge that if I ask a sub to do something, he probably will, and if I ask a sub to take what I’m about to give him, he probably will. I like being a little ‘cruel to be kind.’ ... I watch the suffering of the sub and I get pleasure out of it. I want to see how much he can take.”

This eBook is a fully revised version of the 2010 print publication, with new stories, new essays, and several guest blogs from bottoms who have had the pleasure of playing with Ms. Cassandra.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cassandra Park
• Release date: Jun 10, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476152233

Cassandra Park

Cassandra Park has written for newspapers, magazines, and journals for over 25 years. Her spanking and erotic fiction has been published by Riverdale Ave Books, The Eulenspiegel Society, Scarlett Hill, Logical-Lust Publications, Ravenous Romance, and Eve Publications, and she writes about the scene on her blog, “Cassandra Park: Sandy’s Room and More” (mscassandrapark.com). Send her a friend request on FetLife (“Cassandra”) or follow her on Twitter (“CassandraPark”). She lives in Queens, NY, with her kinky husband and two cats.

Book preview

It’s

Supposed

to Hurt

Volume I:

Coming Out on Top

By Cassandra Park

It’s Supposed to Hurt! Volume I:

Coming Out on Top. Copyright © 2010, 2012

by Cassandra Park

Smashwords Edition

License notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Visit Cassandra Park's author page at Smashwords.com

This book is available in print.

All photos copyright 2010

by Cassandra Park, except as noted.

All models over 18; proof and consent on file.

Dedication

To my husband Rad, for always letting me be myself, supporting my goals and making me laugh

And to all my favorite bad boys and girls

Table of Contents

Introduction

Section I: Fiction

Section II: Bad Boys

Section III: Girls will be Girls

Section IV: Memories & reflections

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Coming Summer 2012

Introduction:

My Inner Sadist (revised May 2012)

This book explores my journey as a top and domme in the 12 years I’ve been out. In the beginning, I was strictly a bottom. I loved being spanked, chastised, made to stand in the corner—the domestic discipline role plays that so many spankos share. I also explored other kinky play. I’ve been blindfolded; gagged; bound with rope, duct tape, plastic wrap or handcuffs; put into cages; flogged, caned or whipped; felt a knife point drawn across the surface of my skin … I guess you could say I’ve tried a lot and loved most of it. I still gravitate mostly toward spanking and discipline, and that’s mainly what I do as a top. A few years ago I wrote on my blog:

"I started my topping journey with difficulty. I did it as a favor for friends or for other men who would ask me to top them. … I eventually got over the giggling phase and began to feel comfortable causing pain. I’ve always played hard, and I’ve used a lot of what has pushed my buttons as a bottom in my own topping scenes. But I kept wondering if I was just a service domme, just doing it because it was what would please someone else, rather than pleasing myself. Over time, I began to see and accept my role as a domme. Now I feel a thrill within me to be able to control a scene, the knowledge that if I ask a sub to do something, he probably will, and if I ask a sub to take what I’m about to give him, he probably will. I like being a little ‘cruel to be kind.’

"Underneath this domme persona, I never get too far away from the real me—and I think the real me is a pretty nice person, even during a scene. But I relish the thought of a bottom being bratty and disobedient just to give me an excuse to punish him harder, or a sub not listening and causing me to have to give him extra strokes. You understand. I watch the suffering of the sub and I get pleasure out of it. I want to see how much he can take." [Aug. 16, 2009].

I know what’s going through my sub’s head, or at least I have a pretty good idea. He wants the pain but doesn’t want to have to ask for it. He wants to be done to. He wants someone who’s tough and unyielding yet cares about his well-being at the end of the scene. He wants to be punished or simply hurt. And whether he needs aftercare or not, I want the man I play with walking away feeling that he is OK, that he is special, that someone understands him. Because they all have their fantasies, and this is their chance to explore them.

I’ve played the mom, the babysitter, the neighbor next door, the angry wife and the official government disciplinarian. Some of my boys have fantasies about getting caught trying on my clothes. Others are bratty schoolchildren giving their teachers a challenge. Some are just themselves.

It’s not really about sex for me, although often I am extremely turned on and it’s obvious my bottoms are, too. For me it’s a little about sadism, a little about pleasing others by hurting them, a little about exhibitionism (if I’m playing where people are watching), and a little about plain old nurturing.

This newly updated collection of my stories, fantasies and pictures includes new essays, several guest blogs, and a few other new selections. The section that appeared in the 2010 edition about my alter ego has been removed, for inclusion in "It’s Supposed to Hurt! Volume II: We Need to Have a Little Talk… " (2012).

Section I: Fiction

Photo: Cassandra & Pete, copyright 2011 Huntli Images

The Wait

This is the ritual we have established … or, I should say, that she has established. I didn’t have much say beyond yes or no, and do you think I was going to say no to her?

And so every Friday night I arrive at her house and enter the unlocked side door off the driveway. The bathroom is the first door on the right and that’s my first stop for an ultra-quick shower. Every minute counts, because my arrival isn’t official until I enter