The Private Journals of XO (Part One - Faith and Desire)

By Xaeda O'Hare

XO and Graham are a happily married couple who are open, honest and experimental when it comes to sex. On a quest to expand her education in matters of providing her husband with complete satisfaction in their own bedroom, XO contacts a professional sex provider who Graham hired before he and XO were married. What begins as a meeting between XO and the professional to discuss the finer points of fellatio, leads XO and Graham to experiencing a new aspect to their marriage. XO’s entries in her private journal tell the story of a fascination with voyeurism, forbidden sexual desires, instinctual feelings of jealousy, and how she and her husband have embraced a new definition of faithfulness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xaeda O'Hare
• Release date: Apr 3, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301757305

Xaeda O'Hare

Hi, I’m Xaeda O’Hare. I became a self-published author by turning my private journals into a short story erotica series of e-books called The Private Journals of XO. Currently, volume 1, Part One – Faith and Desire is available. My reason for making my experiences available in ebook form is that I was repeatedly left with a feeling of dissatisfaction after reading what was considered to be some of the best erotica available. While some of what I read was interesting, steamy, sexy and entertaining, much more of it bored me. It made me wonder if I had been so lucky to have personally experienced so much sexually in my life, that I was immune to the fabrications and fantasies of people writing fiction erotica. I joked one day with my husband saying “I should go back to my journals and take my real experiences and put them in a story for people who want the real thing.” That idea stuck with me, and several months later, I had compiled my first volume, straight from the entries in my personal journal.

Book preview

The Private Journals of XO

Part One – Faith and Desire

By Xaeda O’Hare

Copyright 2013 Xaeda O’Hare

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it or it was not purchased for you only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

Preface

A Note From The Author

Preface

I have kept journals since I was 10 years old. To me, there is always something interesting to be found when I look back at what I’ve written weeks, months or years ago. Because of my habit of looking back I have been able to recognize moments in my life that changed me, shaped me, and made me the woman I have become; moments which might have otherwise been forgotten.

These pages have been extracted from my private hand-written journals and have been compiled to tell the story of a particular time or event in my life. I have omitted the entries about routine life that I made during this time (about grocery shopping, an unexpected bill in the mail, a visit from my in-laws) because those have no bearing on this story. But believe me when I say that I am a regular person with a life that contains routine elements. For instance, you didn’t decide to read this story because you wanted to know that right now there is an annoying gnat flying around in my studio making me insane, right? Exactly. These excerpts are not edited in any other way. I have not changed them from how they appear in my journals. I didn’t decide to make my experiences public and then begin watering them down with grammatical perfection. I chose to publish them just as they were as I wrote them, raw and imperfect. When I write in my journals, it comes out on the page as thoughts come through my mind. I don’t bother worrying with run on sentences or commas and semi colons in the right places. I just write. And so with that, here are the pages I’ve grouped together and titled, Faith and Desire. The title is based on a few things. First, Faith; I am faithful to my husband and he is faithful to me. The reason we can share ourselves in sexual adventures is because we have that faith in one another. Our definition of faithful might not be yours, but it works for us. Second, Desire; I am a multi-faceted woman and I am married to a multi-faceted man. We fit together perfectly as a couple because we are honest with one another about our desires…all of them, no matter how deviant, risqué’ or downright dirty. Desire, I believe, is a major driving force behind anything we, as human beings, attempt to do. Lastly, faith and desire is a phrase from a line in the song Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson, which I love. That song reminds me that regardless of our adventures in the world of extra-curricular sexual experience, my husband and I are solid. Whatever people come and go from our lives, we are still the main characters and all that we are experimenting with is a shared experience that deepens our strong foundation. That said I’d like to start your travels into my experience with a quote from one of my favorite authors:

The truth is that I am capricious, with sensual stirrings in many directions. ~Anais Nin ~

October 1, 2010

Sometimes I like to look back at previous entries I’ve made and try to conjure up the emotion, the feeling, the reason I wrote what I did. Tonight I’ve found the entry which inevitably led me to tonight’s paragraph. I’ve copied part of it here:

August 27, 2010 – this evening as Graham and I were fucking I asked for more input in regards to my sucking his cock. I know that it is not my forte’ and I want to be able to please my husband in every way. Knowing that he mentioned a stellar blowjob he received years ago from a whore he hired, I asked him what it was that she did that sent him over the edge. What was it that made it so memorable? How did she do it? I truly wanted him to explain it to me so that I could try to replicate the experience, or at the very least, come close to giving him a similar sensation. He said that she did something with sucking his balls that was incredible. Okay… herein lies my confusion. Firstly, as mentioned, I am not phenomenal when it comes to giving head; mainly because I never much liked it with partners from my past. But with Graham it’s different. I love it; I am just not well versed in the art of it. Secondly, any attempt I have ever made at sucking or licking Graham’s balls have led him to say easy, or no. I’ve tried going at it slower, softer, but each time, I end up feeling as though I just do not have the right technique. I’ve watched videos, I’ve read articles. Still, I am at a loss as to how to give him as much pleasure as someone else was able to give him this way.

So, since August, I’ve been talking more and more to Graham about it…about his experience with the whore, who I think from here on out I should refer to as professional, simply because whore is often used as a derogatory term. Oh hell: whore, hooker, escort, pro, call them what you will… I have no ill feelings for these women. The trade of selling one’s body is ancient. And for the record, the fact that it’s illegal, I think, is ridiculous. In any case, Graham eventually showed me her website (yeah, they actually have websites, although every site I’ve seen contains a disclaimer saying that these women are NOT selling sex, but companionship only). I love that our relationship is so solid, so sound, that sharing this kind of information together is not a negative or completely avoided issue. I believe that if more people were able to open up and be honest with their partners, they would find much greater enjoyment of one another sexually, which would then lead to a better relationship overall. Jesus, I sound like I’m writing an advice column! Ha! Anyhow, I was fascinated with this woman who my husband fucked. Looking at her body and knowing that his hands had been on her breasts, her arms, her thighs. Imagining her touching him, kissing him, (honestly until Graham told me otherwise, I thought that prostitutes, as a general rule, did not kiss on the mouth. But apparently, hiring a pro for a GFE (girlfriend experience) is very different in many ways from the basic paid sex date), anyway, imagining her, making out with Graham is hot. Knowing that his cock had been deep inside her turned me on more than I can say. I imagine that he fucked the shit out of her, since that was during the time that he was in his previous, sexless marriage. Hmm. Okay, so that brings me to this. Unbeknownst to Graham, I contacted her. I joined a website where I was screened and approved before I was permitted to email her. God, my hands are shaking just remembering how I felt when I clicked the send button on the email box. I waited a nervous 48 hours before I got a three word response from her, the gist of which made me realize that she was more than a little curious at my contacting her, and that she was very skeptical about my motives. But I must have intrigued her to some degree, or I doubt that I would have ever heard from her. I explained that I was the current wife of one of her previous clients. I told her that he and I had a wonderful relationship, that I was fascinated about his decision to have dates with pros and that I actually believed hers was an honest profession. I told her that my husband had spoken favorably about his couple of dates with her, and that he told with me that the blowjob she gave him was one of the bests of his life. I proceeded to explain what truly drove me to write her, and that was the fact that I do NOT give a stellar blowjob and