Coming Clean (A Short Memoir): My Journey Through OCD and Post-High School Depression
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About this ebook
Troubled by a mysterious and disturbing inner voice as a child and thinking she would never do anything worthy in her life as a teen, the author opens up about her OCD and post-high school depression with raw depth and vulnerability. Her story is a quick read full of humanity, candor, hope and inspiration, and can help guide anyone on a developing journey of self-growth.
Madison Sonnier
Madison Sonnier is a freelance writer/blogger/ghostwriter, and her writing has been featured in several online publications including, but not limited to Tiny Buddha, MindBodyGreen, Life Optimizer, Balance in Me and Crazy Sexy Life.She started her blog, Journey of a Soul Searcher in 2011 and recently launched a new blog called More to Share, More to Learn in which she shares her expanded interests and passions.She loves her readers, her family and friends, her writing influences, her dogs, books/movies that punch her in the soul, breezy weather, indie folk music, Spider-Man, Kraft macaroni and cheese, beanie babies, mermaids, and writing about the contents of her heart and soul.And she feels uncomfortable writing about herself in third person, but it's all good.
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Coming Clean (A Short Memoir) - Madison Sonnier
Coming Clean
(A Short Memoir)
My Journey Through OCD and Post-High School Depression
By: Madison Sonnier
Testimonials
The short, but beautifully written memoir by Madison is just heart-warming. For a person who had both OCD and depression (and still overcoming), I have nothing but respect towards the author for her courage and strength. Both the memoir and the author are a symbol of hope and transition from tough situations. The memoir gives a single message that change in life is automatic, but progress is a choice. I am grateful that I learned this message from the author’s experience.
— Sharath Venkatesh, blog reader and inspirational writer
Madison is a gifted writer who is not afraid to share her heart on her sleeve. Through her vulnerability and raw depth, we can all live, learn and love.
— Shannon Kaiser, author of Find Your Happy
Madison’s memoir provides a window into OCD and depression that is both eye-opening and insightful. Through anecdotes and journal entries, she shares her post-high school fear and uncertainty with admirable vulnerability and self-awareness.
— Lori Deschene, founder of Tiny Buddha (tinybuddha.com)
A great read and a stunning new author I’m loving. Cannot wait to see what’s next!
— Keltie Colleen, author of Rockettes, Rockstars & Rockbottom
It’s not the big things, but the small things that start shifting the way we look at ourselves and our lives. With raw honesty and a zest for life, Madison describes her journey from blah, less than and trapped to content, inspired and free. Her memoir reads like a train and has a strong ending, jam-packed with powerful wisdom you want to carry around in your back pocket every day.
— An Bourmanne, founder of Own Your Life (ownyourlifecoaching.com)
Madison is wise beyond her years, yet remains youthful in her curiosity. Her writing is introspective and inspirational and is recommended to anyone on a continuing journey of self-improvement and growth. Her words will resonate long after you’ve read them.
— Bob Wegner, blog reader and touring musician/teacher
Raw and real, deep and honest. Madison’s courage to come clean about the difficult times in her life can offer inspiration to us all and serve as a reminder that we’re not alone after all.
— Therese Schwenkler, founder of The Unlost (theunlost.com)
Madison’s story is the raw, honest truth of turning fear into courage and giving herself back to lots of us in her own unique, shining light. As I read about Madison’s journey, I knew that wherever I am in my own journey, I’m not alone.
— Julia Rolfe, blog reader and Stop.Breathe.Smile project cheerleader (smilegoneviral.com)
Coming Clean
Published by Madison Sonnier at Smashwords
Copyright 2013 Madison Sonnier
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Table of Contents
Part 1
Chapter 1: The Voice
Chapter 2: Suffering in Silence
Chapter 3: Discovering OCD
Chapter 4: The Desire to Be Normal
Chapter 5: Obsessions
Chapter 6: Rituals
Chapter 7: Denial
Chapter 8: The OCD Project
Part 2
Chapter 9: The Dark Cloud
Chapter 10: The Initial Stressor
Chapter 11: Feeling Lost
Chapter 12: Insecurities
Chapter 13: Clueless & Hopeless
Chapter 14: Seeking Comfort
Chapter 15: The Weight of Expectations
Chapter 16: Falling Deeper
Chapter 17: One Piece at a Time
Chapter 18: Running in Circles
Chapter 19: A Glimmer of Hope
Chapter 20: What I've Learned
About the Author
PART 1
Chapter 1: The Voice
My room was too quiet. Silence scared me. Being alone with my thoughts scared me even more. My heart thumped loudly in my chest, and my eyes felt as if they were super glued open. Fear shot through my veins. My breathing became labored and shaky. This was how I felt every single night as my worst enemy attacked my mind and soul.
I don’t remember exactly when it started. I was somewhere between the ages of nine and twelve. I was raised in a religious family, and they made sure I had a clear understanding of right and wrong. Pleasing God was right. Saying please and thank you was right. Obeying was right. Cussing was wrong. Talking about or even thinking about sex, drugs or alcohol was wrong. Hateful thoughts were wrong.
Growing up, I was a pretty happy kid. I was innocent, pure and imaginative. I didn’t have a care in the world until The Voice reared its ugly head. I became convinced that The Voice wanted to destroy my life and my happiness. The Voice would seep into my mind every single night and refuse to let me sleep.
The Voice constantly bombarded me with disturbing and blasphemous thoughts, and my anxious reaction to