Shorts and Other Laundry

By Ethan Holmes

The Box; A man gets a strange box and a bit more than he wished for.
Spooked to Death; Two women decide to find out, once and for all, who is trashing their back porches.
A Very Small Town; Life in a small town isn't always what it seems to be.
Two Paragraphs; A depressed writer meets a ragamuffin street urchin who claims to be Death.
Who's In Charge Here?; Norman Wright is having a real hard time keeping control of his life.
The Man Who Ate Popcorn; Meet George, a man who has a strange obsession with popcorn.
Have Some Cookies and Milk; Three young schoolboys have had enough of Jake bullying them.
Make and Model; Jeff and Marta are looking forward to the birth of their little girl but get a bit more than they were expecting.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ethan Holmes
• Release date: May 6, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301838509

Ethan Holmes

Ethan Holmes is the author of six books including the novels, Earth's Blood, Water and The Keystone. He is also the author of two collections of short stories, A Multi-Pack of Brain Flakes and Shorts and Other Laundry.. Currently residing in Northern Arizona, he enjoys hiking, playing twelve string guitar, reading, writing and participation in most active sports.

Book preview

Shorts and Other Laundry

By Ethan Holmes

Published by FrozenMan Productions at Smashwords

©2013 Ethan Holmes Revised Edition

This book is sold for your personal enjoyment only. It may not be given away or re-sold in any form to other people. If you would like to encourage your friends to read this book please purchase a copy for them or encourage them to purchase a copy. Thank you for showing respect for the hard work of the Author.

No segment or whole of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book. All rights reserved. All rights under the copyright reserved above remain unlimited.

This book is a work of fiction. All the names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination and/or are used fictitiously. All references to any and all characters in this book are strictly fictional. Any semblance to any real person is strictly unintended and deemed incidental by the Author. The Author hereby acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners. The author does not endorse or otherwise recommend any of the various products/services which may be mentioned in the novel.

Please visit www.ethanholmes.com for more books from the author

Ethan Holmes

Shorts and Other Laundry

By Ethan Holmes

Table of Contents

The Box

Spooked To Death

A Very Small Town

Two Paragraphs

Who’s In Charge Here?

The Man Who Ate Popcorn

Have Some Cookies and Milk

Make and Model

The Box

I remember the shop. It would have been difficult to forget it after meeting the manager, Andrea.

Make sure you pronounce it correctly. The accent's on the second syllable! She pointed a very long, curling index fingernail at me painted in some ghastly bright purple color.

The thing that drew my attention though, after flinching at the color, was the fact that somehow or other she, or someone, had managed to glue tiny golden stars on each nail. Her long, straight, black hair had a broad streak of purple running down the right side of her face.

It's a very spiritual color you know. That's why the Buddhists wear it. Not to mention the Egyptians allowed only royalty to wear it. She tossed her purple stripe back almost as though she was strongly trying to imply she was one of them.

What are you looking for? She looked me up and down as though sizing me up for a suit. Then she stepped back and peered at me. She reached for a three dimensional metal triangle thing from the glass counter on her left and held it up and looked through it at me. I swear visions of Romper Room flashed through my mind and I hesitated briefly waiting for her to start calling out names of people she could see, or maybe spirits.

What are you doing? I asked that not really certain I wanted an answer.

Regretfully enough she answered.

This helps me to see the aura around you and also any lingering spirits.

She kept turning through all four openings and I could see the shiny brass frame of it had all kinds of strange little symbols engraved on it.

Find anyone yet? I was trying to be a wise guy which wasn't too hard for me. I had been practicing for over thirty years.

You have the strangest aura I have ever seen. She hesitated a moment as though she didn't quite want to believe whatever she was looking at. Then almost in an absent-minded manner she put the triangle down on the counter and smiled.

Did you know that the word around comes from the word aura. She paused for a moment. I suppose that makes saying 'the aura around you' rather redundant. She shook her head.

Actually I was just browsing around down the street here and I stumbled across your little shop. I thought I might stop in and see if you had any green emerald-like stones I could look at for a pendant.

Well, first of all, you didn't 'stumble across' this little shop. There are no accidents in the universe my friend. You came in here for a purpose.

Good grief woman! I just told you I why I stopped in! I kept that thought inside my head.

I need to look something up first. She went behind the glass counter and her long purple dress flowed along with her as she swirled around the corner reaching for a large, tattered, leather bound book.

You have a strange greenish, aqua-colored aura nearest you but it is surrounded by a very dark blue one. I've never seen one aura encased in another!

Well, you know, there's the inner me and the outer me. Hehe. I was trying to keep it light but I also wanted to leave. I didn't think I needed green rocks that bad.

She looked up at me with a surprised look on her face as though I had information I wasn't supposed to have.

This is serious; more serious than you know. A long time ago I was told you would come here.

Okay, I thought to myself, someone forgot to take their medication this morning. I need to get out of here. I was just window shopping.

She swirled around the counter and came out reaching for my hand as she headed for the back of the store.

Come with me. I have something for you.

Look, I gotta go, really. I don't really have the time to stay and discuss this. I'm fairly certain there is somewhere else I'm supposed to be.

She stopped in the middle of the store and turned with a way-too-serious look on her face and I noticed in the dim light that even her lip gloss had a purple tint to it and was embedded with sparkles.

I must fulfill my promise and give you this. After that you may go where you please.

She actually pulled me the rest of the way through the store toward the back which wasn't hard to do since she outweighed me by fifty pounds. I wasn't surprised to see a purple curtain covering an otherwise open doorway.

Wait right here! She said this solemnly as though she was trying to find me a seat at a funeral.

She disappeared behind the curtain and I could hear rummaging and mumbling. Personally I thought about bolting for the front door. I was still pretty fast and I thought there was a pretty good chance I could make it.

This will change your life profoundly. Her voice came from behind the curtain like a cut scene from the nightmare version of The Wizard of Oz.

Believe me, my life is already changed! I thought to myself while casting furtive glances at the front door. That's the last time I go looking for green rocks on a whim.

Suddenly she appeared looking slightly frazzled and a bit dusty. She was holding a black wooden box covered with images of strange little faces that looked half animal, half human. She held it out as though it was a box of grenades with all the pins pulled.

Is there a problem? I wasn't sure I wanted to take this thing from her.

You must have it. It was ordained. I was instructed to give it to you a long time ago.

Well you sure as hell look like you don't want it anymore. Why should I take it? What the hell is it anyway? I was suddenly becoming annoyed with the whole thing.

I am allowed to say nothing; only that it now belongs to you. She kept holding it out like it was going to explode. I was just about to turn away from her and head for the door when she grabbed me by the arm and shoved the box at me. I noticed there were tears in her eyes.

Please, take it. I beg of you! It will change your life but only if you figure out how to use it properly.

I was confused and more than a little bit pissed. I hesitantly took