Stop Painful Sex: Healing from Vaginismus. A Step-by-Step Guide

By Maree Stachel-Williamson

A book for women suffering from vaginismus (painful sex as a result of clenching vaginal muscles) and loved ones who want to help them. What exactly is vaginismus? What causes it? Most importantly: how you can heal from it!

This book will help you understand vaginismus and take you through a healing step-by-step process that you can take in your own time. Discover more about your individual situation through exercises, techniques and workbook questions that will guide you towards having an enjoyable sex life.

The author, Maree Stachel-Williamson, includes the extremely honest story of her own experience of vaginismus and what helped her get rid of it.

Comprehensive, informative and straightforward - this book will give you the tools you need to take the matter into your own hands.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Maree Stachel-Williamson
• Release date: Dec 23, 2013
• ISBN: 9781311650023

Maree Stachel-Williamson

Maree Stachel-Williamson is a therapist incorporating her own life experiences with professional knowledge from her work and the latest research and experts' perspectives.Honest and to the point, Maree shares her expertise with the aim of empowering people to find solutions that work for them.Maree has a diverse training background which includes NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Person-Centered Counseling, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Family and Structural Constellation Work, Ericksonian and Clinical Hypnotherapy, Time-Line Therapy TM, Clean Language and TFH Kinesiology (Touch for Health).

Book preview

Stop Painful Sex: Healing from Vaginismus.

A Step-by-Step Guide

By Maree Stachel-Williamson

Smashwords Edition

Copyright (c) 2013 Maree Stachel-Williamson

All Rights Reserved

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for you personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

My personal story and why I wrote this book

How to use this book

Disclaimer

Part One: The biology and psychology of vaginismus

What is vaginismus

Understanding vaginismus – What's actually happening here? The mind and body connection

Sex – Don't give up … it's good for you! Physical and emotional benefits from sex

What is the goal here?

Understanding the female sexual arousal process

The elastic vagina

A note on orgasms

Treating vaginismus – Important steps before you begin the exercises

Doctors visit, medications, beliefs and emotions

Busting beliefs – You can heal this!

Traumas can heal

Beliefs can change

Part Two: Exercises – How to reduce tension in your body

1. Breathwork

Belly breathing: 6-10 minutes

Full lung breathing: 6-10 minutes

Angel wings breathing: 1– 2 minutes

The 4,7,8 breathing pattern

2. Body awareness

Mindfulness

Body scanning

Progressive muscle relaxation

Finding your erogenous zones

PC muscle training

Dilator therapy

Masturbation

3. Working with a partner

Eye gazing: 2-5 minutes

Breathing in time: 5-10 minutes each

Sensate focusing

Dilator use with your partner

Part Three: Incorporating your learnings into sex with a partner

Key points for creating sexual arousal

A woman's biggest sex organ: Her mind

What if I'm single?

Part Four: Support, supporting and alternative treatments

Alternative treatments

How to get support from your partner

What you can do to support your partner with vaginismus

What you can do to support your daughter with vaginismus

What you can do to support your friend with vaginismus

For friends, family and others – What to say and what not to say

Tips on choosing your health professionals

Part Five: In conclusion

The ending to my vaginismus story

Further realizations

Recommended reading

Glossary

Acknowledgments

References

About the author

Introduction

My story and why I have written this book for you.

I used to suffer from vaginismus. And when I say suffer, I mean suffer. Sex was incredibly painful. Even worse, sexual intercourse was physically impossible.

When I had vaginismus I didn't know such a thing even existed. It was the late 1990's. I was 17 years old and experienced it for nearly a year. I never spoke to a doctor or health professional about it and it wasn't until several years ago when I started getting referrals from a sexual health clinic for NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and hypnotherapy to help women who were experiencing painful sex. I was asked to teach the women referred to me how to relax, help them understand the role of the unconscious mind and work through any related traumas. It was then that I consciously realized I had suffered from the same condition in my youth. It was an incredible moment because it felt as though, for the first time in my life, what I had been through became something that officially 'existed'.

The female clients being referred to me are sometimes embarrassed and confused about the situation. Given that there is no external funding for appointments, they often come in for a chat or a session after being recommended to do so by the clinic. Sometimes they are still trying to get their head around what is actually happening and unsure about what they want to do to try to solve it (or whether it can be solved in the first place).

So in the little time I see them, I might get the chance to talk to them about the role of the unconscious mind, and teach them some relaxation exercises. When appropriate, I can help them work through the memory of a traumatic sexual experience. We may explore the bigger picture and the current issues in their relationship. But there is never enough time to do all (or even a quarter) of that which would be useful. Often I have wished I could tell them about a really useful self-help program or book. Ideally it would be a kind of informative workbook that would help them learn and explore all aspects of the situation. The kind of book that would not only inform, but also one that is packed with practical steps so they could pinpoint the source of the issue for them personally and start to do something about it – in their own time and pace, in privacy and with little cost involved.

The more I thought about this, the more obvious it became that I needed to create that book for them (and for all the others, like me, who do not even seek help in the first place). The fact that I have had vaginismus myself means that I could incorporate elements and insights from a personal level as well as the knowledge I have gained as a therapist.

Personally, I've always been into dreaming big and in my healing from vaginismus, it was important to me to not only be able to have sexual intercourse, but to have mind blowing, beautiful, spiritual sexual experiences and be able to experience all that my body was capable of experiencing. I have had this in mind as I have written this book. It is not just about stopping the pain, but working towards a strong emotional connection and really enjoyable sex with whoever you may choose.

Because there can often be a lot to overcome in terms of psychological hurdles for a woman with vaginismus, I believe it is important to look not just at getting over the emotional blocks and fears but also to work towards body acceptance and responsibility for one's own pleasure. Knowing your body and being able to control your own arousal is an empowering position to be in which will benefit sexual and intimate relationships well into the future.

Therefore in this book, I not only look at helping you understand the condition of vaginismus and how it is that you may have come to have it as well as steps you can take to overcome it, but I also approach the larger topic of sexual enjoyment and masturbation. Of course whether you want to explore masturbation is entirely up to you. It's an experience I highly recommend because just as it is important to know how to make yourself happy rather than having to wait for someone else to 'give' you happiness, it also makes sense and is most empowering to be able to pleasure yourself and reap the benefits – emotionally, physically and spiritually, without having to pin your needs on someone else being able to fulfill them for you. In my eyes masturbation is the ultimate form of sexual freedom. Women are more likely to orgasm during sex in a long term relationship than from casual sex, and thus taking responsibility and learning how to give yourself this pleasure just makes logical sense so you can experience it regardless of your situation.

So there I was as a teenager when I became sexually active with my first long-term boyfriend. I remember consciously choosing to lose my virginity with him even though we weren't officially going out at the time. For ease of reading, I will simply refer to him in this book as my first boyfriend.