Private Eyes

By Jarrett Oliver

Bumbling criminals, amateur private eyes, and an evil politician are enough to get
the adrenalin pumping and the funny bone tickled. But add to that
a beautiful professor, greedy twin Cobus, and a flying creature from Koma Tau,
and what you've got is a fast and furious--and hilarious--romp towards the
possible destruction of the entire unknown universe.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jarrett Oliver
• Release date: Apr 1, 2010
• ISBN: 9780982707227

Book preview

PRIVATE EYES

by

Jarrett Oliver

SMASHWORDS EDITION

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Published by Frontier Publishing, Inc., at Smashwords

Copyright © 2002, 2010 by Jarrett Oliver

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the copyright owner and publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people, events, and places is purely coincidental.

ISBN: 978-0-9827072-2-7

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

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A Leisurely Trip up the River

All five aircraft entered one of the many canyons that fed the spreading delta of waterfalls. Steep banks and tall trees formed a winding chasm that swallowed them up like mere specks of dust in a giant’s crack.

Mugs had to drastically slow down in the confining channel, but a combination of slalom moves, his standing position, and the seat’s softness provided for an unsure footing. His valiant efforts to remain upright soon proved to be futile.

Coming to the rescue, Rags jumped over to the pilot’s side and slipped behind Mugs. He then slung the restraining straps around them both and grabbed his brother’s ears. Mugs could now sit down and work the stick much easier while Rags guided his actions with appropriate head movements. As crazy as it may have looked with Rags clutching the other’s skull, that impromptu method worked quite well. Mugs could almost anticipate what his brother was going to command. Time-honored theories of synchronicity between twins were proven once again.

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Chapter 1: Jailbreak

Security Officer Holt never had a chance to cry for help as the gloved hand wrapped around his face and yanked his head back sharply. He grabbed the intruder’s wrist, desperate to free himself. But it was like trying to pull the steel bands off a cargo crate with his bare hands...the foreign arm was just too strong. He winced as the pistol was pressed painfully deep between his shoulder blades. The pain didn’t last long, though. With one quick burst of laser fire, his chest exploded in a shower of flesh and blood. A brilliant flash and he was dead. Arms fell slack as the unseen demon dragged his body into the dark supply room.

Another patrolman down in the prison’s central foyer saw the brief struggle and dove for an alarm box. But he failed to make the distance, meeting the same fate as Holt when a powerful beam caught his left temple, shattering his skull into countless bits of charred bone and brain. Hand still clutching the gray pistol, he rolled loosely into the wall and stopped with a lifeless thud.

The being that finally stepped onto the catwalk was straight from the worst nightmare. Evil eyes cast a stone-cold stare that could make even the strongest creature break down and beg for mercy. He was decked out in full regulation assault gear, complete with heavy boots, thick leather jacket and pants, ammo straps, rifle, the works. Except it looked as though the rugged outfit had been handed down through several generations, several battles. Laser burns streaked the dirty jacket. Grease, dried blood, and dirt marred the pants. Even his face was worn...scars, scraggly beard, sun-thickened skin. Everything stained by time and abuse.

Tieren Lorr, leader of the Tyrannal Legion, looked down at the headless body and smiled.

Two more thugs, each one uglier than the other, joined their leader. They surveyed the area. Far off to the left through the barred front doors, hundreds of inmates labored in the cold, bitter gales whistling up from Seti’s south pole. They were erecting a new prison to replace the outdated one that they now occupied.

Nothing but rubble now, the old west wing had given up the ghost, making way for the fresh construction that inched upward day by day. The shimmering force barrier that had been erected effectively sealed off the open ends, keeping everybody in their place. Not that any wise person would attempt escape, though, for instant capture or death was almost guaranteed. Trackers moved swiftly.

The new structure was much larger, drastically differing in design. It would be more open with EM barriers providing most of the security, allowing the captives a broader view than before...and the guards a closer watch. In addition, the barriers could be programmed to assume a microporous state, permitting air to circulate freely, yet at the same time stopping any unwanted thermal transfer. And no jackhammer or laser the inmates could get their hands on would have any chance of piercing that intense field.

The temporary partition operating now was useful in more ways than one, thought Tieren Lorr. Since it was an older version, it was not as transparent, thus providing a slight visual screen. And yet it allowed the grinding noise of heavy machinery to come through unhindered, effectively smothering any telltale sounds that he and his two men might make.

Tieren, Kregg Seels, and Leis Cooper slipped down a long corridor and around two corners before halting at a crumbling arch. Tieren peeked around the edge. About halfway down a hall that gently curved to the right, two patrolmen flanked a large double door, standing sentry over whatever was inside.

He glanced back at the others and snickered as he took a small box from one pocket. After popping the cover, he methodically flipped a switch.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first. But then, somewhere deep within the huge prison complex, a muffled explosion rocked the stone and metal walls. Overhead lights went completely black as though something had sucked all of the juice from the lines. Quickly, though, auxiliary generators kicked in and the lights rose back to half power. A few seconds later, it became apparent the explosion had done more damage than just blowing up the main power supply--the wailing sirens that suddenly blared signaled a jailbreak in progress.

I hope a few guards got blown up with that one, Leis whispered.

If we’re lucky. Tieren looked around the corner again and saw one of the guards rush from his post, obviously summoned to help investigate the disturbance. Unfortunately, one of them remained behind.

Kregg started to get his pistol out. I’ll kill him.

Like hell you will, Tieren hissed, slapping Kregg’s face. I’m the leader of this gang, so I’ll do it. It’s been too long since I killed anybody. He leaned around the corner a little and centered his crosshairs on the guard. The rod of superhot photons that burst from the gun bored a gaping hole through the man’s head. In one ear and out the other. That’s the trouble with youngsters nowadays.

The three outlaws neared the doors. While Tieren and Kregg kept watch, young Leis Cooper hastily went to work on a control panel secured to the wall. Square indicators winked on and off while he entered a code. When the last key was punched, he looked up at the panning cameras stuck on both sides of the door. He frowned and entered another code, but the cameras continued their rhythmic motion.

Tieren curiously studied Leis. What are you doing?

I’m trying to shut those cameras off.

Stop worrying about those things and open the freaking door, Tieren said, kicking Leis in the ass.

But we don’t want anybody to see us.

Tieren booted him some more. How could anybody see us? We already killed those guys that were monitoring the security screens. Don’t you remember?

Well, I just-- Leis Cooper started to reason, but the glare that Tieren shot down at him quelled the thought. Another code caused the doors to part and unsteadily slide into the thick wall.

A deep orange glow coming from the lamps inside the detention area’s largest chamber barely provided enough light for the Tyrannal snipers to detect column after column of barricaded cells. Stacked like an orchard of bare metal pine trees, they faded into the mist that seemed to shroud everything. The ceiling, at least five hundred feet above, was invisible, obscured forever by the stale fog. It was the same story for the floor over a thousand feet below.

The three Tyrannal snipers staggered back as though hit by a runaway space trawler. Putrid odor as thick as mud spilled from the chamber and nearly floored them. They covered their noses, but the stench was hardly lessened.

Moans and shrieks began to fill their ears. It took little time to realize that this detention block was the main dungeon for all kinds of scummy lowlifes from the very dregs of society. Most were probably on their way to a quick execution or, even worse, to a prolonged and torturous death at the unsympathetic hands of an execution droid. A sensation reminiscent of peeling your skin off and then sliding down a giant razor blade into a bath of hot acid, just for starters.

At first glance, it looked much too simple for Kregg. Since the guys on the observation deck were dead, all they had to do was ride the anti-grav platform over to the proper stack, get their comrade, and slip out. Right?

But Tieren knew that looks were often deceiving. He halted Kregg’s impatience with a raised hand, then unclipped some black goggles from his belt and placed them over his eyes.

The cavernous abyss was immediately aflame with brilliant shafts of light. Previously invisible lasers could now be seen through the thin-film infrared/ultraviolet sensors embedded in the lenses. A million bright beams of red, blue, and green danced and swept back and forth between the cell stacks.

Shit, Tieren Lorr fumed, a Joben security system.

He well knew that this type of scanner system was murder to get through. Every cubic centimeter, every crack and crevice in the entire block, was being meticulously scoured at least once per second. And if anything much bigger than a hummingbat interrupted the shifting rays, alarms all over the jailhouse would go off. And to further increase the difficulty, the lasers constantly changed frequencies at an astonishing rate, making it impossible to use a portable cloaking shield. No EM cloak could be adjusted that fast.

Leis scowled. How can that be? There was nothing about it in the data bank we stole. I read that whole freaking file myself.

Can’t we turn it off from out here? asked Kregg.

Nope. They always set these things up as isolated networks, including the alarms. Only one control exists. Lorr pointed to a large object floating in the midst of the laser maze. It’s inside there being protected by the very same lasers that it controls. You’ll be screwin’ yourself if you go in to shut it down, because you’ll already be detected. Then guards will appear out of nowhere and splatter your brains all over the wall. Give the lawmen a point for cleverness.

Leis had been studying the situation, staring at the control pedestal. His brain whirred with blurring thoughts. Calculating. Devising ideas and canceling them until a promising one remained.

Without a word, he shuffled down the hall a bit, judging the approximate location of the interior controller. He stuck a disk to the wall and activated it, causing two gangly arms to pop out from opposite sides. Short red laser shafts shot from the ends of both appendages and slowly vaporized pinholes in the composite structure. Next, the metal arms began to spin around a central pivot, each pass slicing deeper and deeper into the thick wall until a perfect circle was finally cut through.

Hearing the tiny motor whine, Tieren came out of his concentration. What are you doing now?

Leis slipped the severed section free and laid it on the floor. I think I can hook up with an outlet on the panel’s side. I should be able to reroute the alarm signal and dump it into a capacitive coupler. He picked up two more devices and was about to attach them over the hole when something off to the side caught his attention.

A large droid abruptly appeared at the hall’s far end and flew toward them at a dizzying speed. Covered with numerous arms, hoses, and wires, it looked more like a flying junk pile than a functional robot. Its head was set solidly on top of a bundle of polished pipes which circulated cooling fluid throughout its body.

Tieren and the others jumped into the alcove bordering the doors, being careful not to touch the invisible rays. They readied their weapons, preparing for the worst. But the robot only zipped by, giving them nary a glimpse.

Lorr stepped back out when he realized the droid was just an emergency technician. They were only programmed to repair things, not detect break-outs...or in this case, break-ins. We must be getting paranoid in our old age. He pushed Leis Cooper back to business. Hurry up and get that thing fixed. I don’t want to hang around this joint any longer than I have to.

In a few seconds, Leis had everything assembled. He lined up with a sighting point on one of the CP’s information ports. A yellow light needled through the scanning beams and hit the port square on the mark. Numbers flashed on the coupler’s display. With a satisfied thumbs-up, the sniper said, It’s working.

Tieren cautiously poked his hand into the web of light, but no alarm could be heard. A tiny red beacon on the capacitor came to life, indicating that the signal was being properly diverted. You sure know your shit, he commended. Stay here and keep an eye out while Kregg and I go get Dain.

What if he’s not there? Kregg wanted to know.

Then we’ll leave his smelly ass right where it is. He bent over and grabbed the dead guard’s hands, pulling him toward the cavernous cell block. A final push sent him over the edge and on a long trip to the bottom. The evil gang leader listened for an impact, but there was none. That’s one deep sonuvabitch, he said, boarding the lift.

Kregg joined his superior and they entered the puzzle of twisting rays, slowly gliding away until Leis could see them no more.

Tyrannal sniper Nim Dain and a few other loathsome prisoners sulked inside their cramped quarters. Stuffed like sardines in a can, they continually had to shift around to avoid contact. Hummingbats and large insects buzzed around their heads, lighting momentarily to snatch up a piece of fallen bread crumb, then skittering over to one side to enjoy the scant meal.

One large monkey-thing was busy catching the critters that strayed too close. His piercing green eyes darted around, searching for a snack. After a while his arm shot out, scooping a bug from the air. As though afraid the giant arthropod would somehow get away, he shoved it into his mouth, spiny legs and all. He sat back and crunched contentedly on the squirming morsel.

Exciting things like that had been happening ever since Dain first arrived two months ago, right after he was apprehended at the Danue Network Station on Pandier. All that work trying to gather the crucial data, and he didn’t have squat to show for it. Lengthy months of planning and painstaking research shot to hell.

Now it was only a matter of time before he would have the opportunity to pay back that double-crosser for setting him up. Dain, as well as everyone else around, had heard the sirens go off. To the other prisoners it only meant a jailbreak that was being handled by the strike team, but to him it meant that Tieren had finally arrived to set him free.

A nudge on his shoulder made him take notice of two fuzzy hulks rolling around on the other side of the cage. The monkey creature had accidentally hit a much larger one while scrambling for more munchies. The primates pounded each other furiously, but their bulky coating of fat and hair shunted the fierce blows. There wasn’t much anyone could do except sit back and watch, for intervening in the fight would only get them brutally mangled or killed.

Dain leaned against the greasy steel bars and drew a heavy sigh. Being in max detention was a mixed blessing. Although you normally didn’t have to partake in the heavy labor, you also couldn’t go anywhere. How he wished for a moment in the crisp winter breeze outside, to fill his nostrils full of something other than stench.

He was about to go crazy being cooped up with these slimy creatures. The only person he could stand to be around for very long was the humanoid that had nudged him earlier. It was nice having someone of his own species to talk to every once in a while. Even though he was no genius, he certainly had more intelligence than that whole group of thugs put together.

Barron was his first name, Dain couldn’t remember the last. From the Yacobian race over in sector five. A normal-sized man with no distinguishing features except for the scar across his face. A reminder of some past near-escape...or so he said. He could have easily had it rejuvenated back to perfect skin, but had not deemed it worthwhile. There were more important things to spend money on, like hookers and booze.

Barron sat next to Dain and leaned over to whisper in his ear. Your friends better get here soon. This is our only chance.

Don’t worry, they’ll be here. Dain said. I’m the only one that knows where the professor is. I told Boss Tieren if he wants to find out, he’ll have to come get me. Then he chuckled like the half-wit that he was. I’m a freakin’ genius!

Barron was doubtful.

When I get my hands on Gennis Vance, I’m gonna kill him for setting me up. Gonna kill him till he’s dead. Kill, kill, kill. He began to foam at the mouth like a rabid dog, then his glare flashed over to Barron’s eyes. They’re close. Real close. I can feel it.

And right he was, for in the background, the platform floated by. Neither Tieren nor Kregg saw Dain; they were concentrating on a different cell.

How could Vance stab me in the back like that? Dain fumed. I trusted him.

Barron shrugged, unable to answer. When we get out, I’ll personally help you hunt him down.

If Tieren lets you go with us.

Barron’s eyes grew fierce and his nostrils widened. He flicked the remaining half of his snack across the rubble that littered the cell. A tiny marsupial jumped on it and quickly devoured the sugary stuff. He smiled happily until a larger creature ate him. The process was repeated one last time when a massive beast decided to satisfy his hunger as well.

Listen up, pal, Barron eventually forced through his teeth. You owe me big. If I hadn’t pulled that overgrown blob of muscle off you the other day, he would have yanked your head out through your asshole.

That was an understatement, Dain recollected. The steroid-hypered heathen had nearly turned him inside out for nothing more than a smoke.

And I’m the one that helped get you transferred out of block forty-seven. He looked around their humble abode. I realize this cell is a rotten hole, but it’s better than forty-seven.

Okay! But you do as I say, and don’t get in the way. His eyes darted from stack to stack, a nervous habit he acquired very early in his stay. Do you have any idea what some of those monsters in forty-seven wanted to do to me? He failed to notice Barron’s grin.

Somewhere deep within the blackness Tieren and Kregg stood, awestruck as they looked through the bars at the half-empty cell. It was disgusting. A dried layer of excrement carpeted the base, and some had even been pasted on the inhabitants. Pieces of rotting food littered the cubicle, drawing a multitude of flies and other scavengers.

He’s not here. Kregg said.

Really? What gave it away?

Kregg avoided the insult. Is this the right one?

Tieren checked the cell’s number, which was an integral part of the door’s metal bars. Yep. Number 801, exactly like Dain said.

What are we going to do now?

Can’t wait around here any longer, Lorr noted, moving behind the steering pole. They’ll have that neutron leak sealed off pretty quick.

One of the cellmates decided to get up and walk over to the side. He was an enormous lout. Not really tall, just wide. Extremely wide. He had to weigh at least eight hundred pounds, and it was all blubber. Y’all ain’t guards, are ya? he said with a booming voice.

The man is sharp, Tieren Lorr remarked. Almost as bright as you are, Kregg.

That must have been the wrong thing to say, because within an instant Lorr’s head was almost pulled through the bars. The only thing that kept him from going completely through were his ears. You’re gonna let us go with you, the King of Cellulite demanded, grabbing Tieren’s pistol and pointing it at his head, ain’t ya.

It felt like his skull was being squeezed in a vise. With every heartbeat, his brain erupted. I think that can be arranged, Tieren squeaked. Kregg, would you unlock the door for this kind gentleman?

Kregg did so and the prisoners loaded onto the platform. When the fat one stepped on, motors groaned at the tremendous weight they had to support. The lift dipped slightly to one side, then righted itself and slowly moved away from the cell.

Several stacks away, Nim Dain continued to watch the squabbling monkeys. They yelled and cursed in a language the sniper could not understand, one that he really didn’t care to.

Finally, the smaller one uttered something that seemed to appease his biological relative. Sticking out his chest, the larger beast grunted and pushed him away, howling his victory and strutting around like some egomaniac. He laughed with the other creatures as they ridiculed the loser. Shortly, though, everybody was back in their respective places and doing whatever exciting things they were doing before the brawl.

Barron slowly shook his head at the demonstration and turned around to look across the chasm. That’s when he spotted the loaded platform. Hey, Nim, is that your boss over there?

Dain didn’t even bother to look. Couldn’t be him. He wouldn’t have any reason to be over in that direction. I told him exactly which cell I’m in.

Barron knew better. Not wanting to risk missing the boat, he spun Dain’s head around and pointed at the sailing criminals.

It took Dain a few seconds to recognize his comrades. It was amazing how much they had changed in such a short absence. Or maybe it was himself that had changed. Hey, he said in shock, that’s them. He began waving vigorously. Boss! Boss! Over here, Boss!

Within moments, the platform was hovering next to Dain’s cell. Kregg unlocked the door.

What the hell are you doing over here? Tieren wanted to know.

Dain appeared confused as he stepped out. What do you mean?

You said you were in cell 801.

Yeah, Dain nodded, pointing back at the door that had swung all the way open. Number 801.

You brainless moron, Tieren yelled, knocking him in the head. This is cell 108. You were looking at the number from the wrong side. He slammed the door shut and crammed Dain’s face up against the plate. Do you see that? What does it say?

108.

Imagine that. I’m surrounded by brilliance.

Dain was still confused. He looked down at the large numbers on his prison-issue clothing. But it says 801 on my shirt.

You’re looking at it upside down, stupid!

But, Dain continued, shaking his head, in the mirror...

Kregg could see that Tieren was about to lose it. He jerked Dain onto the lift. Will you shut up so we can get out of here?

Tieren manned the steering pole again and started firing up the lateral motors.

What about me? Barron asked, stepping to the door.

"What about you?"

Oh, Dain said, that’s Barron Something-R-Other.

Calaway, clarified Barron.

Whatever. I told him he could join the gang since he saved my life.

Hell, why not, Tieren grumbled. The more the merrier. Climb aboard. We’ve got nothing better to do than play host to a bunch of idiots.

After all were loaded, including the two giant monkeys, they floated toward the bright exit, lifter engines whining at full potential. They weaved among the pillars of convicts. Many cried out to be included in the escape, but were bypassed heartlessly.

Leis Cooper’s initial fearlessness had by now deteriorated somewhat, though he would never admit it. There was no room for wimps in the Tyrannal Legion. He had passed the time by working on the control panel, finally getting the cameras to stop sweeping back and forth. Still, with every slight sound his eyes jerked around in panic.

A scraping noise nearby made him twitch. He whipped around with an