Tweetable Limericks
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About this ebook
Great if you’re getting tired of telling people what you had for lunch and want to send something more profound. There are 193 limericks here, many adapted from famous and thought-provoking ideas and quotations. Others; not so much.
Lenny Everson
List of Completed Works by Lenny Everson (As of November, 2014, over 36,000 copies of Lenny's works have been downloaded.) Novels •Death On a Small, Dark Lake. 67,700 words. Our hero snags a body in a remote lake. •Death on a Rocky Little Island 71,500 words. Our hero convinces a friend to take a canoeing trip to the 30,000 islands. •Mount Moriah 50,000 words. A strange sequence events involves a priest, a poet, a CSIS agent, a space alien, four horny teens, among others. My most fun fiction. •Last Exit to Pine Lake. 45,000 words. A dying writer goes back into the bush to off himself. Grimly literary. My best fiction. •Ally Oop Through the Ulysses Trees. As much fun as Mount Moriah! •Marley Was Dead: A Christmas Carol Mystery Novelettes •Granite and Dry Blood. 9,700 words. Our hero wants to write a book on Massassauga Park. Various people would prefer that he didn’t. •Death on a Foggy Spring Portage. 11,800 words. One member of a paddling group is found dead on a muddy portage. Screenplays •Murder on a Foggy Spring Portage. One member of a paddling group is found dead on a muddy portage. Plays •Louis Riel and Gabriel Dumont. Ghosts of the two Métis leaders meet in today’s world to remember their lives. A short (20-minute) play for two actors. Full-Length Poetry Books •The Minor Odyssey of Lollie Heronfeathers Singer. A middle-aged woman tries to connect with her aboriginal ancestry. •In The Tavern of Lost Souls. Four poets meet at a grungy bar once a month to give their poetic answers to random questions. •Love in a Canoe. A set of five chapbooks and a songbook about the love of canoeing. With illustrations. •Louis Riel and Gabriel Dumont are Dead. Ghosts of the two Métis leaders meet in today’s world to remember their lives. Includes the play. Poetry Chapbooks •Encounter in a Small, Old Cemetery. Autumn. Midnight. Poet visits a small, old private graveyard. Best poem I ever wrote. •Fire and Ashes. Poems about life’s flames and regrets. •The Empty Tarmac of a Long-Abandoned Airport. Poems about having a midlife crisis. •Love Poems A compilation •Pray for Me: 22 Poems Probably Slandering God and Jesus •Ballads from an Unlucky Fisherman: Poems from a fisherman •Tweetable Limericks. 60 limericks small enough to be tweets •Hiking Poems. Co-Authored Poetry Chapbooks •Who Would Be a God? Susan Ioannou and Lenny debate the merits of being a god. •How to Dance Naked in the Moonlight. Katherine L. Gordon (Celtic pagan) and Lenny (skeptic) confront the ceremony. •Cats and Dogs. With I. B. Iskov •For Ko Aye Aung: A Plea for His Release from Prison. For Amnesty International, with other poets. Non-Fiction Chapbooks •If You Condemn Gays: The Bible on Homosexuality and Other Items. •The Architecture of Suburban West Kitchener. A light look at house styles. •The Architecture of The University of Waterloo. A light look at the campus buildings. •Making Tourist Attractions for Towns and Small Cities. Advice. •Technological Solutions to Global Warming. •Hyphens: A Guide for the Early Twenty-First Century. •Colons and Semicolons: A Guide for the Early Twenty-First Century. •How to Review Draft Technical Writings •Rebecca’s Trail (Grand River Trail) in Winter •7 Temples to Bill Gates: a modern mystery •The Great God Pan - or Not •Two in a Tent: Camping Humor. •Why Haven't Aliens Contacted us? Songbooks •Dance Songs for Weddings Available on Smashwords •Canoe Songs. part of a set of six chapbooks about the love of canoeing. With illustrations.. Available on Smashwords •18 Dingbat Songs for Kids Available on Smashwords I’d like to thank all the people who downloaded my writings. And I’d like to thank Smashwords for making them available to the world. I started out as a poet, and spent most of my life producing poems. Some of them are really fine poems, but, of course, the monetary value of poetry in this world isn’t much. Actually, I once calculated poetry has a negative monetary value; poets are lucky if they don’t have to pay people to listen to them. But I always admired people who told me they were “writing a novel.” I don’t know why, but I did. So eventually, I sat down and wrote a novel, just to show I could actually do it. The result was Death on a Small, Dark Lake, more than two thousand copies of which have been downloaded. It wasn’t really very good, but at least I could say, “I wrote a novel!” I stuck to what I knew best, canoeing and the lake country north of Peterborough, Ontario, the edge of Canada’s lake country. I wrote Death on a Rocky Little Island in an effort to make some more believable characters, but I can’t really say I succeeded. People have downloaded a few more copies of that, so maybe it was a bit better constructed than the first novel. It included canoes, of course. Then one of my friends taunted me into doing something for NaNoWriMo, the endeavor in which a person tries to write a 50,000-word novel in the month of November. I was, er, a few days over, but I got it done. It turned out to be a bit incoherent in spots, but in general, a lot of fun; I recommend it, if your standards aren’t too high. And there are no canoes in it. By that time, I figured I could write something “literary.” The result – with more canoes of course – was Last Exit to Pine Lake. If it’s less fun, well, it’s meant to be. If most people don’t like it, well, that’s normal for literary novels, so it doesn’t bother me. My literary bent done, I wrote Ally Oop Through the Ulysses Trees. It was intended to be fun, and it’s lots better than the first two novels I wrote. I even put myself, in a canoe, as a minor character. Then I thought I’d just write a novel that would sell. For money, like. Smashwords said romance generally sold well, so I wrote Fire and Spark, under the name, “Laura Singer.” (You can search for it.) It wasn’t all that bad, for a guy’s first romance novel. Really, it is, although my wife said it should be subtitled, Five Canoes; No Sex. I again added myself as a minor character. But it didn’t sell, so I added it to my list of free books on Smashwords. You’re welcome. Last fall, I finished another book that I thought would actually sell, Marley Was Dead: A Christmas Carol Mystery. My wife thought it was really good, mostly because of the historical details of social life. It didn’t sell, of course, so it’s free now. You’re welcome, again. As for the poetry, the most popular are Hiking Poems and 21 Poems for Love, Weddings, and Anniversaries. And then there’s the rest. The opinion pieces are just my explorations of things that I wanted to know more about. I studied the subject, briefly, and published my findings. They’re not scholarly, but well worth what you’ll pay for them. A few are getting outdated, but nobody’s written to me to ask for updates. If you want to learn more about any of my writings, email me at lennypoet@hotmail.ca.
Read more from Lenny Everson
The Best Short Poem Ever Written? Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTen Very Short Poems Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings17 Dingbat Songs for Kids Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Marley Was Dead: A Christmas Carol Mystery Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Semicolons and Colons: A Guide for the 21st Century Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/521 Poems for Love, Weddings, and Anniversaries Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWhat Last Golden River Run: 17 Canoe Poems for Autumn Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5In the Tavern of Lost Souls Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Blue Guitar Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMother Earth What a Life You've Had! Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Dance Songs for Weddings Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLouis Riel and Gabriel Dumont: A Short Play Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Great God Pan: Or Not Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTechnological Cures for Global Warming Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDid Hamlet Love Ophelia?: and Other Thoughts on the Play Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMy Ten Best Short Poems Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Hiking Songs Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTwo in a Tent: Camping Humor Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAdditional Lyrics for Some Old Songs Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMake Your Own Mystery Novel Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHamlet: The Comedy Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBallads from an Unlucky Fisherman Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMount Moriah Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Empty Tarmac of a Long-Abandoned Airport: 23 Poems about Separation Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNo Ordinary Waters: Canoe Poems from a Strange Mind Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings7 Temples to Bill Gates Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAn Insider's Guide to “Marley Was Dead” Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow to Dance Naked in the Moonlight Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGranite and Dry Blood Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFireplace and Wine: 15 Canoe Poems for Winter Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
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Tweetable Limericks - Lenny Everson
Tweetable Limericks
By Lenny Everson
rev 1
Copyright Lenny Everson 2011
Smashwords Edition License Notes:
This free ebook may be copied, distributed, reposted, reprinted and shared, provided it appears in its entirety without alteration, and the reader is not charged to access it.
Cover design by Lenny Everson
Published at Smashwords:
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
Thank you for downloading this free ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.
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Chapter 1: Introduction
What are Tweetable Limericks?
Tweetable limericks are limericks that are short enough (less then 140 characters) to be sent as a Tweet on the Twitter application.
These Tweetable limericks were all written or adapted by myself. Some of them are even original thoughts! Many of them, however, are adapted from famous quotations that I have shamelessly and without acknowledgement stolen, then adapted into the limerick format. (I’m quite appalled at myself.)
Lenny Everson
lennypoet@hotmail.ca
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Note on Format
If Twitter has a way to maintain line breaks, I haven’t found it. So if you want to send any of these as Tweets, you’ll have to replace the line breaks with slashes.
For example, the following limerick:
We’re gonna hide in a bog
With only kibbles and grog
Cause the more I see
Of humanity
The more I like my dog.
would be sent as:
We’re gonna hide in a bog/With only kibbles and grog/Cause the more I see/Of humanity/The more I like my dog.
This document has two parts. The first part has the limericks laid out in proper limerick form. The second part has the same limericks, but with the line breaks replaced with slashes for tweeting.
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Sections
This book is divided into the following sections:
Politics
Love
Deep Thoughts
More Deep Thoughts
Not-So-Deep Thoughts
More Not-So-Deep Thoughts
Seasonal and Outdoorsy
The Arts
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Chapter 2: Politics
It's a cheap thing to dis politicians. So I did.
Democracy’s noisy and blind
The worst system out of man’s mind
The most foolish insanity
Of humanity
Except for all of the others I find.
Our leaders - a curse
Sucking the public purse
It won’t do what it should
But democracy’s still good
‘Cause other systems somehow are worse
Yesterday’s answers, it’s