The Soul Garden: Volume 1 - Crossings

By Veronica Farmer

Great. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse I got killed by a car that jumped the curb. I awoke to find myself in Heaven. It wasn’t much to look at it. White, puffy marshmallow clouds everywhere and not much else.
At least I’m not alone. Meet Guide. His name, not his occupation as he tells me. But as it turns out, he’s actually a pretty good guide.
I am not happy. However, Guide assures me that in time I will become more comfortable being here. And apparently I have some work do. Guide tells me that I didn’t tend to my earthly issues very well while I was alive; I have to deal with them now.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 28, 2014
• ISBN: 9781483519999

Book preview

Pain

CHAPTER ONE

The Ending

My last day on earth started out pretty much like all the previous days that had come before it. I got up early, turned on the computer, fed the dog, made myself a cup of coffee, opened the blinds, and wished once again that my life was somehow different. Mundane chores and occurrences left me wondering if anything of any importance would happen today.

Nothing had happened for me in what seemed like such a long time, and I somehow doubted today would be any different. Lack of employment was undermining my confidence. I was burrowing in and getting ready to hibernate, even though winter was over. I helped to prepare its nesting place by eating everything I could get my hands on. I’d never had problems in the past getting work. My resume was impeccable. My references were glowing. But now I couldn’t even get an interview to work at the drive-through window at the local fast food joint. And I just didn’t know why. Was it my age? My lack of education? Over-educated? Maybe my skills weren’t what employers wanted or needed. I had no answers, and each day that went by with no calls left me feeling more confused and disheartened.

My diet had gone from healthy and nourishing to dumpster-diving, only the dumpsters were in my own kitchen. If they turned up nothing of interest, then the local grocery store was just a few minutes away. But that meant I had to get dressed, and it meant I had to go outside, and it meant I had to go somewhere. It all seemed so massive. It all seemed huge. It all seemed like someone else should be living this life. I had managed to go from svelte to frumpy with very little effort.

I joined a gym because I thought that if I was able to get back into shape, then I might start to feel good about how I looked. Then maybe my confidence level would soar, and I would once again be a hot property. Everybody would see it and feel it and want to be near it. And for the first few weeks, I truly believed that I could do it. But like everything else, it just became too overwhelming. I stopped going altogether. I was so embarrassed by my short stint there that I hadn’t even cancelled my membership. Money I couldn’t really afford to waste was going to waste.

The years spent toiling for someone else in order to afford my own business were gone, baby, gone. The business that I had worked so hard to bring to fruition was dead and buried, along with my self-esteem. I was shattered and embarrassed by my failure; any friends that I’d had slowly slipped away as I wallowed in self-pity. I didn’t know whether they’d left because of the failure of the business, or the failure of me, and what I had become. It didn’t really matter...they were gone.

Better not to think about it. I was very skilful at denial, avoidance and procrastination. These were simple tricks that I learned quickly. I refused to check my bank balance. Hey, I figured, what I didn’t know couldn’t keep me awake at night. I refused to call anyone that I had sent a resume to. Hey, I figured, they really liked it, and would call any day now. No point in pissing off anyone by bothering them with a follow-up phone call. I refused to talk to friends or family about it. Hey, I figured I had always been successful; what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. I refused to speak to him about it. Hey, I figured he would never, ever understand, so why bother? He left me tired and frustrated and unable to communicate.

I sighed and finished my coffee, and went to get another. I didn’t want to think about any of that anymore. See, I was good at it, and the dark thoughts vanished as I poured cream into my coffee, and sat down at the computer to see how my online life was going to shape up for the day. My online life was another way of avoiding reality. I used to look down on people who spent hours on the computer, and now I’m one of them. Oh, I made excuses, like I’m looking for work and I had to send out resumes and they want them by email. And I’m doing research on companies that I could apply to, or I’m reading the news. All lies, of course; just another means of escape.

Nothing noteworthy in my email. Well, other than spam. I had taken to opening and reading the spam emails that I was getting. They lured me in with promises of quick money, big boobs and an even bigger penis. How could I not take a peek? And after all, I did need money, quickly. All I had to do was send them $49.99 and the answer to that quick money would be on its way. I had big boobs. Once I slipped on that piece of wonder elastic disguised as a bra, I looked pretty good. So, these emails held little interest. As for the bigger dick; I was already married to the biggest dick around, thank you very much. Having more time on my hands than I would like, I figured I would just keep checking the spam. I didn’t want to miss an opportunity.

I would walk Chance. I should walk Chance. He was my dog, after all. Rescued and brought home against the wishes of him. He said dogs were noisy, smelly and destroyed things. I was going to point out that he was no different. But since that was a sure way of getting Chance a one-way ticket out of here, I kept my mouth shut and told him that I would make sure Chance was properly trained and groomed. Poor pet; I had neglected him lately. He was asleep on the couch, snoring and drooling, and otherwise unaware of the neglect.

I would take him outside, and we would do some gardening. Now, there was a good idea. I had taught Chance to dig on command; a completely useless trick other than helping me in the garden. Or digging a grave. But, I thought, what the hell? He’s my dog. Dogs like to smell other dog’s butts, they bark, they dig. He was a quick study, a real natural.

I had recently developed an interest in gardening. I liked the idea of planting and nurturing things. I would spend hours on the computer researching the different types of plants; their likes and dislikes, the best place to plant them, and how to care for them. I was really enjoying my time in the garden. It was about the only thing that brought me any satisfaction these days. My garden was small, but I was planning on expanding it. I was in the process of cutting a new bed, and I couldn’t decide what I was going to put in it.

I would spend hours wandering around nurseries, actually seeing and touching the plants that I was doing research on. Being there gave me a great sense of peace. They usually had lovely displays as well, like ponds and fountains with all kinds of beautiful plants gracing them. Some even had benches set up so that their customers could sit and relax. I liked them the best. I spent a lot of time at those nurseries.

The day was going to be very, very warm, according to the weather reports. After the long, cold winter that we’d had, I was looking forward to enjoying some of the warmth that was being promised. There were weather alerts for severe thunderstorms, and that made me a little giddy. I was one of those people who secretly enjoyed these alerts. Some random, not so normal part of me relished the idea of a good-sized hurricane blowing through, ripping up trees, smashing houses, damaging and destroying lives. It wasn’t really something that should be hoped for, even secretly. I didn’t really want it to happen, of course, but somehow all that destructive power was heady and seductive. It did something. Yes, it did bad shit; but it did something.

So, warm weather, one dog, and one garden bed. There, the day was planned. But I stood, rooted; pondering how life takes so many twists and turns.

They tell you that when you’re young; how fast life goes. How you need to plan your life out in detail because life goes so fast. Don’t they? Your parents, your grandparents, all the grownups do. But when you’re young it means nothing; it’s just words. You smile and agree with them, all the time thinking, Holy fuck what do you know? You’re old, old, old! I’m young, and living a young person’s life. I have no interest in thinking about where I might be twenty or thirty years from now. I want to get drunk and get laid. That pretty much takes up all the free time I have. But, thanks for the unsolicited advice. Now please go stand over there because like all old people, you smell.

Now I’m the one giving out the unsolicited advice, and smelling bad while I’m doing it. Where does that smell come from? Even HE says the same thing; old people smell. It’s the last and only thing that we laugh