Timepass Jokes

By Moony Suthan

Laughter is as essential for us as breathing is. The life becomes a big boredom without humour. Whatever be the merits of today’s busy and hectic life, it certainly has taken away laughter from our lives. Mental breakdowns we see around are proofs of it.
This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter. We earnestly believe that our collections of hilarious jokes will displace your worries and gloom with lots of Ha-Ha’s.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mahesh Dutt Sharma
• Release date: Jan 27, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311082893

Moony Suthan

A prestigious author and journalist. Written more than 250 books. A freelance writer and writing is her passion.

Book preview

Timepass Jokes

Moony Suthan

Published by MdSharma

Smashwords Edition

© mds e-books 2014

Smashwords License Statement

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Preface

Laughter is as essential for us as breathing is. The life becomes a big boredom without humour. Whatever be the merits of today’s busy and hectic life, it certainly has taken away laughter from our lives. Mental breakdowns we see around are proofs of it.

This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter. We earnestly believe that our collections of hilarious jokes will displace your worries and gloom with lots of Ha-Ha’s.

-Publisher

Table of Contents

Chapter One : My camel won’t move

Chapter Two : She was pregnant

Chapter Three : Boy-eats-girl stories

Chapter Four : Under the kitchen table

Chapter Five : He’s my husband

Chapter Six : Old man’s bedroom

Chapter Seven : I won’t need the candles

Chapter One : My camel won’t move

Carlson, on vacation in Egypt, was crossing the desert astride a camel when suddenly the animal stopped and would not move. Carlson got down and tried pushing, to no avail. A woman driving by in a jeep stopped and asked, What’s the problem?

My camel won’t move. He replied.

The woman reached down underneath the camel, and in a flash the camel took off like a bolt of lightning.

What did you do? asked the tourist.

I just reached between his legs and tickled his testicles.

Carlson quickly dropped his pants and said, You better start tickling mine. I got to go catch him.

*****

A man living on the border between Wisconsin and Minnesota was puzzled for years about which state he lived in. Finally he got a surveyor to make a special survey.

You live, decided the surveyor, In Wisconsin.

The man tossed his hat into the air.

Hooray, he cried, No more of these cold Minnesota winters!

*****

She’s the kind of girl who doesn't’ care for a man’s company unless he owns it.

*****

A progressive mother, in the seventh month of her pregnancy, decided to discuss the future with her 8 year old daughter.

Anne’, she began, In two months’ time we’re going to have another member of the family. Tell me, sweetheart, you prefer a brother or a sister?"

The 8-year old though for a while, then said if it won’t play havoc with your shape, Mother I’d really like a pony.

*****

How can you tell you’re in Ethiopia?

You throw up, and there’re 20 people lined up behind you with straws.

*****

She is only a photographer’s daughter.

Yes, she sits in a dark room and awaits developments.

****

One friend to another: I understand your wife has some trouble?

Second Friend: That’s right!

First Friend: And what is the trouble?

Second Friend: She spends so much time in watching her health that she does not get even a minute to enjoy it."

*****

Director: Cut! Cut! Cut!

Photographer: hero, cut!

Director: I mean, cut the portion where the hero speaks the dialogue.

*****

One the way home from church one bright Sunday morning, a five-year-old asked his father, Dad, why do they call the priest ‘Father’, when he is dressed like a mother?

*****

Country dance floor was jammed to the four walls and, after one number, a gallant youth said to a young lady beside him, ‘Thanks, so much for the dance?"

Dance? Dance? she queried aghast, Why, I was just pushing through the crowd to reach the refreshment stand.

*****

The famous comedian told a friend he had made a rare visit to the library.

Wonderful, said the friend. There’s nothing like a quiet hour with the classics. I suppose you took out?

No, said the comedian. I took out the librarian. If you keep her out for too long, there’s no fine.

*****

Bomb: Can you do anything that other people can’t?

Herb: Why, yes. I can read my own handwriting.

*****

First Lawyer: As soon as I realized it was a crocked business, I got out of it.

Second Lawyer: How much?

*****

How can you tell an executive’s secretary is a lousy lay?

When he chases her around the desk, he walk's.

******

Census-Taker: How come, madam, you have a child of one, another of three? Yet you say you husband has been dead six years ago.

Women: Yes. But I’m alive, aren't I?

*****

A Sunday school teacher finished a talk on behaviour and what we must do to go to heaven. Now, Tom, she said, Tell me what we must do before we can expect forgiveness of sin.

Tom sought a bit, and then replied. We got to sin.

*****

How can you tell an executive’s secretary is