Possess My Heart (#3, The Possess Saga)

By J.A. Howell

*Book Three of The Possess Saga*

"You can't leave me because I'll only ever love you."

What was supposed to be a final goodbye turned into one last piece of unfinished business for Brody Walsh.

As long as Aggie Walker's heart still belongs to him, he's destined to remain in limbo, watching over her.
But when her family decides to send her to Scotland for the summer and she meets Camden MacTavish, it seems despite their constant head-butting that there may be something more between them.

That is, if she is willing to let Camden in.

As Aggie finds herself torn between her lover lost and her lover anew, it becomes clear that she cannot hold on to both. If she decides to let Camden into her heart, she will have to let Brody go. And if she can't let Brody go, she risks losing Camden-and a second chance at love.
Forever.

• Language: English
• Publisher: J.A. Howell
• Release date: May 8, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310665462

J.A. Howell

J.A Howell is an office drone by day, and a writer by night. Her love of writing took off when she was eleven years old and decided to fill a composition notebook with stories to read to her friends. Many years (and notebooks) later, not much has changed. She still loves writing and sharing her works with others. When she isn’t writing, she can often be found trying her hand at whatever artistic pursuit strikes her fancy. J.A. Howell resides in Apopka, FL with her husband and their menagerie of animal children.

Book preview

CHAPTER ONE

Happy New Year’s

Ten...Nine...Eight...Seven...Six...Five...Four...Three...Two...One...

Happy New Year’s!

The shouts and cheers echoed through Finley’s Pub as everyone celebrated the New Year. Harley’s mother, Delphinne, and my Uncle Angus laughed as they clanked their champagne flutes together. Behind the bar, Nolan pulled Harley into a passionate New Year’s kiss.

But I just stood there, thinking about him.

What about us, Brody?

Aggie? Harley’s eyes caught mine and she reached for her walker. She still couldn’t walk on her own after breaking her femur a month ago. I shook my head at her, not wanting her to struggle across the crowded pub.

I just need to get some fresh air.

Harley pursed her lips with concern, but nodded for me to go. If anyone understood how I was feeling, it was her. She knew Brody, my dead ex. He had saved her life not that long ago. She wore the scars and broken bones to prove it. I pushed through the throng of patrons celebrating in the pub and went next door to my uncle’s bakery. I made my way through the dark storefront and ran up the stairs. Once I reached my bedroom, I let myself collapse onto my bed with my face in the pillows. Right now there was nothing for me to celebrate. I just wanted to be alone.

Dammit, Brody.

What the feck did I do now? A familiar voice asked behind me and I lifted my head.

Brody?

I told ya I’d be stickin’ around fer a little while longer. He said. I rolled onto my back to see those green eyes of his staring at me from the shadows of my room. They were lively and bright– not like the last time I saw them. He leaned forward, his lip twitching up at the corner in amusement as he came into the stream of moonlight that peered in from my window.

How? I gasped as I sat up.

It’s hard ta explain.

But why now?

The smile faded from his lips and a melancholy look shifted through his gaze before his attention returned to me. I never got ta tell ya goodbye.

His words struck me, and I couldn’t help the tears that surfaced as I remembered how I’d found him that night.

Lifeless eyes staring up from the flooded bathtub.

He reached for me but I pulled away, climbing off the opposite side of the bed from him.

Why’d you promise me things would be fine? You knew this might happen, didn’t you?

I did, but I was tryin’ ta protect ya.

A lot of good that did. Do you know what it was like finding you that way? Do you know what I went through that night? Do you?!

His jaw clenched and he moved towards me, backing me against the other window. His eyes burned into mine.

Dammit, Aggie, I saw everything that night! I was there the whole time and I’ve been trapped in that apartment fer the last five years with nothing but that memory ta haunt me day and night. His hands gripped my shoulders. My breath caught as I touched my fingertips to his face and brushed them over his lightly-stubbled cheek. He was solid, warm, real. Please, I don’t want ta fight with ya anymore, Aggs. His voice came out in a choked whisper. Pain bled from his words as his lips brushed over mine.

But it’s not fair.

Since when has anything in life been fair? Hmm? C’mere, don’t cry. Please, don’t cry, love. Brody pulled me into his arms as tears rolled down my cheeks. He crushed me to his chest and kissed my forehead. My body relaxed against him as I breathed in his scent. Everything about him was just the same as our last morning together. I didn’t understand. I looked up at him again, afraid I was just imagining this. He smiled at me as his arms held me close, strong and protective.

So, you’re still a ghost?

Yes.

You don’t look like a ghost though. You feel real. You feel like you. My fingers traced his jaw, then the curve of his bottom lip. A soft laugh escaped him.

What did ya expect me ta look like? A little puffy see-through thing, like Casper?

I laughed despite my tears, I suppose.

Christ, Aggie. I’ve missed ya so much. I’ve missed hearing that laugh of yers. He nuzzled his face against my neck, forcing another laugh from me before his lips caught mine. The taste of his mouth and the feel of his fingers tangling into my hair was too much. I shivered, letting out a moan as I wrapped my arms around him. His own body shivered in response. Mmmph, God, I’ve missed those sounds too.

He pulled back, his eyes gazing into mine. A mischievous smirk spread up to them. I looked at him in question, but his expression only deepened as his hand slid between my legs.

Brody?! Are you even supposed to be able to do that? My voice trembled as his fingers moved, teasing with feather-light strokes against the growing heat radiating through me.

Well I wasn’t aware of any sort of ghostly code of conduct, but does it really matter? His voice came out in a husky laugh as his fingers traced up to the zipper of my jeans. I only managed a faint whimper before his fingers slid inside of me. I cried out, burying my face against his chest, surrounding myself with him. I breathed in his scent, felt his solid warmth and muscle against my cheek. He was right. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that he was here. My heart, my body, everything in me had yearned to feel him again, and here he was. His fingers caressed me, dulling everything else from my mind as he slid me back onto the wide windowsill, his lips never parting from mine.

I love you, Brody.

I love ya too, Aggs. His eyes met mine and I knew the yearning wasn’t mine alone. God, I’ve missed ya. His voice was strangled with a mixture of emotions.

He slid my jeans off my hips and unbuttoned my shirt. I reached behind me, undoing the clasps of my bra. Brody stood there, his eyes searching mine as his fingers stroked my bare legs. Flashbacks of our last night together pulled at me and a lump swelled in my throat. He’s here now. It will be okay. No, no he came to say goodbye. I choked back a sob and his hands cupped my face.

No, love. Please don’t cry. If we’ve only got a little more time, no sense in wasting it, right? His voice was a murmur against my lips and the pain lessened, if only a little. I nodded, letting out a sniffle and forcing a smile as I looked up at him. My fingers curled around the strap of my bra and I discarded it on the floor with the rest of my clothing. And then he was on me, pulling me hard against him. He groaned against my breast, letting his lips drag over the soft pale skin before closing over the delicate pink tip. I bit my lip and my fingers twisted into his t-shirt, pulling it over his head.

I wanted to feel his bare skin on mine; to be able to remember the softness of it, the contours of his chest and hips, and the feel of his muscular back heated with exertion, shifting under my hands. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer, lifting his face back to mine as my breasts pressed against his chest. His teeth caught my bottom lip and a deep, throaty groan escaped him. I reached down to undo his jeans. My eyes mirrored the want in his as they stared back at me, sending fiery bolts of heat through my body. Brody lifted me into his arms.

Oooph, his pants fell around his ankles and he laughed as he collapsed onto the bed with me. I couldn’t help my own laughter as he stared down at me with a lopsided grin. He held himself up on his hands and took in my naked body with a look of deep contentment. He brushed a hand down the length of me, from my collar bone, down over my full breasts and my tummy, to the gentle curve of my hips.

If only ya knew how many times I thought about ya in this bed. Thought about what I might do ta ya if I ever got the chance. Brody smiled, his palm resting on my hip. His eyes flickered back to mine, still wistful as he lowered himself down to me, I want ta do all of it ta ya tonight.

Do what? My stomach fluttered as I watched him, suddenly nervous. I hadn’t been with anyone since that last night with him.

Make love ta ya, how ya deserve, he whispered. His lips worked their way down my body, brushing over my abdomen to the inside of my thighs as he gently spread my legs. My body arched as his mouth brought me to life. I cried out and he only laughed and flicked his tongue in a long, teasing stroke. He let out a soft moan against me and my whole body shuddered. I groped for him, pulling him back up to me.

Please, Brod–

He was inside me before I could say anything else. His body slammed against mine, hard and powerful as another moan escaped me.

Shh, Aggs. I don’t think ya want anyone coming up ta check on ya. He smirked. I reached a hand up, running my fingertips over his cheek again.

Please tell me this isn’t a dream. This is real, right? You’re really here. Tears brimmed my eyes. I traced his jawline and his eyes glimmered in the moonlight. He smiled down at me, turning his lips against my palm with a soft kiss.

I promise ya, this is real. He whispered. Seeing the worry move through my eyes, he leaned down and kissed me. Don’t think about the rest right now, mo chailín rua.

I did as he said and forced the sadness away. His body moved with mine and I lost myself in the feel of his skin on mine. His scent mixed with my own as he made love to me. He surrounded me, he consumed me, nothing else in the world existed but us. Brody pulled me over the edge with him too many times to count. I thought it might never stop, and I didn’t want it to. I wanted to stay this way with him forever. But as the moonlight began to fade and he gathered me in his arms–before the words even left his lips–I knew. I just didn’t want to hear him say it.

I have ta go soon, Aggie.

Why? Can’t you just stay like you are? With me?

If I could, ya know I would. He whispered into my hair as he pulled me tight against his chest. Exhausted as I was, I fought sleep and turned on my side to face him.

But I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay with me. I love you.

I love ya too, Aggie. And I always will. Ya know that. His finger brushed over the claddagh locket, studying it for a moment. He’d meant to give to me that fateful day. He’d never gotten the chance, but still it had found its way to me. Brody swallowed hard and a sad glint moved through his eyes before he smiled up at me, curling a finger under my chin. "You’ll always be mo chailín rua."

Then stay. Please?

I can’t. We have ta say goodbye. I’ll always love ya, but what’s done is done. I’m dead and it’s time for me to go. I’ve been haunting this world far too long now. I can’t stay here any longer. Ya need ta open yer heart ta someone else, Aggs. There’s someone else out there who will love ya as much as I do. I promise.

No! No, don’t say that. I’ll only love you, Brody. I don’t want to love someone else. My lips trembled as I held onto him. My body felt weak and my eyelids were heavy but I refused to give in to sleep. His fingertips stroked my arms, and I buried my face against his chest, breathing him in as another wave of exhaustion hit me.

I’ll stay until ya fall asleep, my love. But then I really do have ta go. It’s time. Ya know that as well as I do.

I shook my head, even as sleep pulled me under and a yawn escaped me.

You can’t go. You can’t leave me, because I’ll only ever love you.

CHAPTER TWO

Shipped Off

Six months later…

I rarely slept anymore, but last night had been especially bad. I dreamt of Brody lulling me to sleep again, only for him to disappear the moment my eyes shut. When I was awake, I did whatever I could to not think about him, praying the yearning would fade away. But it never did. Every few weeks the same dream would wake me and I would spend the rest of the night, staring out my window wondering if any of that night had been real.

I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and dressed in my usual attire for a day of work at Finley’s Pub before trotting down the stairs for breakfast. I stopped short of the last two steps when I heard my uncle talking to someone.

I can’t stand tae see her like this much longer. Something’s gotta give, ye kin?

I know, I know, Nolan’s voice answered him with a sigh, With the whole mess that happened after Harley came ta town, it stirred up a lot of painful memories. I’m sure she did a hell of a job buryin’ them until now. Neither of us ever really dealt with it.

I kin she kept a lot from ye. Whit wi’ everythin’ that happened tae ye, she didnae want tae burden ye wi’ her problems. But I saw whit it did tae her then. She really loved him.

I knew that at least. I could hear Nolan hesitate, and ya know, both Harley and I saw him, that night. He’s the only reason I was able ta find her out in the snow. I think Aggie might have seen him too.

I’m pretty sure he visited her, actually. Harley’s voice broke in with a similar hesitance. And I think she’s still holding on to him. It’s not healthy... and if it continues, I think things will only get worse.

Tightness pulled in my chest as I listened. How did she know he came to see me? Why were they discussing me like I was some sort of problem?

Hmm...I guess she’s been playin’ the strong one tae keep ye goin’, Nolan, but noo that ye got Harley, her cracks are finally surfacin’. She spent sae much time worryin’ aboot ye that she didnae have time tae worry aboot herself. Uncle’s chair creaked as he sank down.

Well, that’s why I wanted to send her there.

Wait, what? Send who where? My ears perked up as I listened.

Well, I already talked tae ma’ niece and nephew in Glasgow. They’re more than happy tae have her. Her younger cousin was already comin’ up wi’ where he wanted tae take her before I could even get off the phone.

What in hell do you think you’re doing?

Christ, Aggie! Don’t just jump out at us. Nolan jerked out of his chair, standing up straight. We were discussin’, um...

He looked toward Harley but she sat silent, her eyes still wide as she took in my sudden appearance. She only offered him a shrug and looked to my uncle.

We were talkin’ aboot sendin’ ye tae Scotland fir the summer.

Right, ya always said ya wanted ta go. Since the pubs doin’ well and I’ve got Harley ta help me with things, I thought maybe ya deserved a vacation.

That’s a load of bull if I ever heard one.

Aggie! My uncle gave me a sharp stare.

What? You guys are tired of me not carrying on and giggling like I used to so you’re trying to ship me off!

That’s not what we’re tryin ta do. Ya’ve been unhappy fer a while and we just thought a change of scenery might help.

I’m fine, dammit. If you wanted more alone time with Harley, you could just say so rather than trying to shove me out!

Harley stood, trying to separate Nolan and me as we glared at each other, our noses inches apart despite our height differences.

Aggie, that’s not what we’re trying to–

You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting! Nolan growled as he wedged himself between Harley and me.

And you’re a nosey Irish prick!

Will you two stop shouting at each other?

Fer givin’ ya a paid vacation? Come off it, woman! Nolan narrowed his eyes at me, completely ignoring Harley’s words.

Don’t fucking call me woman! I punched Nolan in the shoulder with everything I had.

I swear ta God, ya and yer bony little knuckles! He rubbed his shoulder protectively and turned toward Harley for comfort. Anyway it’s too late. I already made all the arrangements. So yer going whether ya like it or not. He glared at me. Without thinking, I lifted my foot and stomped it down on Nolan’s toes.

Och! Aggie!

JESUS CHRIST! Why must ya be so violent? Nolan scowled as he stood on one foot.

Stop trying to tell me what to do then.

Aggie. Just cut this shite out richt noo! Yer acting like a wee bairn! My uncle stood between us, narrowing his eyes as he towered over me.

Nolan stood behind my uncle. Harley doted over his well-deserved injuries and he looked back at me, sticking out his tongue triumphantly. Right. I’m the baby.

Nolan was nice enough tae pay fir a ticket tae Scotland fir ye and I’ve already got money set aside fir ye tae go. In other words, yir feckin goin’!

That’s bull shit. You guys can’t make me do anything. I’m not going to fucking Scotland.

*****

I frowned as Nolan pulled my bags out of his little yellow hatchback. Between my uncle making me feel bad about disappointing my cousins and Nolan’s incessant begging that I go, I’d finally caved. He set them on the ground next to me and appraised me with a doubtful look.

Ya are actually goin ta get on the plane, right?

I already said I’m going, you idiot. I stuck my tongue out at him but he just laughed.

Fer someone so tiny, I don’t understand where all this attitude comes from.

It’s from having to deal with you for so long.

Oh? Is that it? His blue eyes glistened as he smiled and pulled me into a hug. I swear, Aggie, yer like the little sister I never had. Or wanted.

Yeah, well. You’re the dumb older brother I’m glad I had around...I suppose. I fought back a grin unsuccessfully and hugged him.

"Please try and have some fun. All we want fer ya is ta see ya happy again. It’s what he would have wanted too."

I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try.

I could see Nolan’s jaw work as he hugged me tighter. To this day, neither of us had really talked about Brody. I knew it was still hard for him too, especially given all that Brody tried to do for him while he was locked up.

Good, His eyes fixed on mine and he slowly let me go. I’ve wanted ta pay ya back. Fer everything ya did, ya know? Coming ta see me, helping me get back on my feet after everything that happened ta me in jail. Shit, even with Harley, ya kept her from runnin’ from me when I was acting like a stubborn arse. I just wanted ta do something fer ya, and I remembered ya wanting ta go when we were younger. I thought maybe given all that’s happened, now’s a good time.

As good a time as any, I suppose. Just feels weird leaving, and I don’t even know my cousin’s that well either. I haven’t seen them in ten years.

Well, we’ll miss ya while yer gone, but I’m sure ya and yer cousins will get on just fine. Ya best be goin’ now. He winked and gave me a light peck on my forehead.

Harley leaned against the passenger side of the car. She smiled at me as I let go of Nolan and pulled me into her arms.

When you get over there, you go have fun. Go meet people. She whispered in my ear as she squeezed me tight enough to cut off my circulation. It’s time you moved on. For him.

I pulled back slightly so I could look at her. I saw an anxious look in her eyes as her blue eyes searched mine.

What do you mean, Harley?

Just trust me. Don’t be afraid. Things change for a reason. It’s time for you to let him go.

With a sigh, I picked up my bags and smiled at her and Nolan as a lump formed in my throat, Goodbye you two.

We’ll see ya later, Aggie. Don’t forget ta call when ya get there.

CHAPTER THREE

When in Scotland…

When I arrived at baggage claim, it wasn’t hard to spot my younger cousin, Grant, even after ten years. He was now nearly a full grown man, though he still had the same baby-face I remembered from his visit to Midtown at eight years old. Bright blue eyes beamed at me from cherubic features and a face that still held some of the roundness of boyhood. He had a mischievous look about him as he bounced happily on the balls of his feet at my approach. It was an expression I remembered fondly, even though it brought back some memories of Brody.

Aggie! Unable to contain himself any longer, Grant launched himself toward me and scooped me up in a hug. He was a bit taller than me now, but that wasn’t saying much. At five feet tall, everyone was taller than me. Gently, he placed me back on the ground, grinning down at me as his messy black hair fell just short of his eyes.

Grant, look at you. All grown up. It really had been a long time.

And look at ye, still wee. He laughed and gave my arms a gentle squeeze, Let’s go grab yir things.

Grant led me to one of the carousels as we waited for the bags to start circulating. I kept my eyes on him, still taking in the changes of the last decade. He was slender with narrow hips - like the rest of our family - and dressed in a black t-shirt, slim-fitting jeans, and black Doc Marten’s. He felt my eyes on him and glanced toward me. His teeth tugged at a lip ring on the side of his mouth.

Sae, how’s Nolan? Still an arsehole?

He’s good, I giggled. Ten years later and they both still remembered the feud that had begun over Nolan’s broken Nintendo.

Weel, let’s get goin’. Ye got a busy itinerary ahead of ye, Grant beamed at me as he heaved one of my bags over his shoulder.

Itinerary?

Mmhmmph. Ye didnae kin ye were comin’ here tae relax, did ye? His lips curled up deviously and he led me out to his car.

Do I at least get some time to sleep off the jet-lag?

Nae! Yir first nicht in yir homeland? Yir kiddin’, richt? Yir goin’ tae be drunk off yir arse before the nicht’s end. He nudged my arm as he put my bags into the trunk of his car.

Well I guess, when in Rome...

Grant snorted as he opened the passenger door for me, This is certainly no’ Rome.

So how’s your mum?

Doan quite good actually. She’s moved in wi’ her new beau and left Bea and me wi’ the house.

She actually trusts you to behave without supervision? I mused as I watched him.

Another snort escaped him and he gave me a devious sideways glance.

Uncle Angus didnae tell ye whit happened last year, did he?

Um...

Wi’ ma’ last girlfriend?

I’m afraid to ask.

There’s a reason she’s no’ my girlfriend anymore. Mum micht have walked in on us. An impish grin crossed his lips.

Having sex?

"Aye, but it was a bit more complicated than that."

Grant! What did you do?

Nothin! She wanted me tae tie her down!

I blinked at him in shock, Please tell me she didn’t catch you with her–

Spread eagle. Tied tae ma’ bedposts.

Oh my God. My whole body shook with laughter and I had to turn away from his boastful nod.

Sae, tae answer yir question. Nae, she doesnae expect me tae behave. She’d just rather no’ know.

I think I’m in the same boat. I’d rather remember you as the mischievous eight year old I could get to curse at Nolan. I’m afraid to ask how your sister is doing.

Another snort came from his side of the car.

Bea is as ornery as ever. Ye remember how much she whined when we visited?

Oh, she wasn’t that bad.

Ye won’t be sayin’ the same thing after three months of her. Grant smirked, Still she can be entertainin’. Like proddin’ an angry bull.

I’m telling her you said that. My cheeks ached as I tried to suppress another laugh. If I was going to be stuck here for three months, at least I had an entertaining little cousin.

Ye can tell her if ye want. I tell her everyday. She needs tae get the stick oot her arse.

Our laughter died down and we listened to music the rest of the way. When Grant turned into the driveway of a quaint one-story home with a faded green façade, I spotted Bea standing by the front door in light grey scrubs.

Speak of the devil. Looks like she took off early from work. He nodded toward his sister. She still looked very much the same as the last time I saw her, and if what Grant was saying was true, then not much had changed at all. Even as a little girl she had always been a bit of a pessimist.

She was gorgeous, even with the constant scowl she seemed to wear, but it was more of an unapproachable beauty. She had light brown hair with blue eyes like her brother’s, but not quite as bright. She was four years older than Grant, but with the way she acted, you would think she was much older. She ran over to greet me and squeezed me into a tight, albeit awkward hug. Between the two of them, I was much closer to Grant. Not that I was really close to either of my cousins.

Ye look great, Aggie. She smiled