Baby's First Tattoo: A Memory Book for Modern Parents

By Jim Mullen and Barry Blitt

MILLIONS OF PEOPLE THINK CHILDREN ARE THE CUTEST,

CUDDLIEST, MOST WONDERFUL, SAINTLY CREATURES

IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

THESE PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN.

THEY HAVE NICE THINGS. THEY COLLECT FRAGILE POTTERY. THEY HAVE CANDLELIT DINNERS IN FANCY RESTAURANTS. THEY GO TO MOVIES. THEY HAVE WHITE CARPETS.

PEOPLE WITH SMALL CHILDREN HAVEN'T BEEN TO A RESTAURANT WITHOUT

PLASTIC SILVERWARE IN YEARS. THE LAST MOVIE THEY SAW IN A THEATER IS NOW

ON AMERICAN MOVIE CLASSICS. THEIR HOUSE LOOKS LIKE IT WAS

DECORATED BY PEE-WEE HERMAN.

BABY'S FIRST TATTOO IS FOR THEM.

For years parents have been buying baby books to document all the precious moments in their new baby's life -- Baby's First Tooth, Baby's First Haircut, Baby's First Step. What have been ignored for too long are those "alternative" precious moments that really should be written down, celebrated, and remembered -- Baby's First Projectile Vomit, Baby's First Tantrum in a Crowded Grocery Store, Baby's 10,000th Dirty Diaper. Otherwise you might forget them and think of becoming parents once again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster
• Release date: Sep 25, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476709611

Book preview

title

Contents

Introduction

The Day Baby Was Born

Baby’s Statistics

Baby’s Circumcision

Baby’s First Visitors

The Day Baby Came Home

Baby’s First Name

What Not to Name the Baby

For Juniors Only

Announcements

Mementos

Baby’s First Diaper

Baby’s First Locomotion

How Baby’s Parents Met

Baby’s Family Tree

TV Shows Baby’s Appeared On

Siblings

Grandparents

Special People in Baby’s Life

Disciplining the Problem Grandparents

Wildly Inappropriate Gifts Grandparents Are Not Allowed to Bring in the House

Baby’s Sleep

Parents’ Sleep

How Long It Took Baby to Figure Out How to Get Out of

Adventure Land

Last Time Mom and Dad Had Sex

Our Neighborhood

Breast–Feeding

Baby’s Favorite Food

Baby’s First Web Page

Pictures . . .

Baby’s Progress

Not So Precious Moments

Baby’s Regress

First Trip to Gramps and Grammy’s

The Stuff We Have to Carry with Us Every Single Goddamn Place We Go Checklist

The Stuff We Forget to Carry with Us Every Single Goddamn Place We Go Checklist

Baby’s First Words

Baby’s First Baby–Sitter

Baby’s Childhood Diseases

Baby’s Medicines

Baby’s Life–Threatening, Attention–Getting, Conversation–Monopolizing Allergies

Baby Expenses

Things Mommy and Daddy Fight About All the Time

Baby’s Potty Training

Baby’s First Pet

Baby’s First Day Care Center

School Days

Growing Pains

Baby’s Big Blue Baby–Sitter

Messages Baby Gets from Television

Baby’s First Trip to the Store

The Birds and the Bees

Do You Have a Gifted Child?

Does Your Child Have a Learning Disability?

Does Your Child Have Attention Deficit Disorder?

Do You Have a Pretty Much Average Kid?

The Parent Bubble

What Parents Talk About with Their Friends Now

What They Used to Talk About

Words of Wisdom

for