The Ameriad: The Untold Founding of America By the Survivors of Troy
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About this ebook
The Greeks had their Iliad and Odyssey, the Romans had their Aeneid, and the British had their Britannia and those continuously changing King Arthur stories, starring wannabe Shakespearean actors slumming it until something better came along. But America got nothing. Until now. Finally, an epic has emerged, from the lost annals of time (whatever that means...just go with it...it sounds scholarly), that tells the true story of America's foundation.
The Ameriad tells the story of the Trojan warrior Amereaus, who has been chosen by the gods to found a new land somewhere across the Great Sea (capitalized because it's that great a sea). Running away from his domineering wife Democrita, Amereaus travails the many forgotten lands of yesterday to battle new gods and new evils (because the old ones were boring), leading to a new land previously occupied by other people until Amereaus kicks them out. For the glory of a new land that will one day be called Amereausland (placeholder until a better name comes along).
So join Amereaus, his much smarter assistant Lyddius, and a cast of many others (because it's a novel and just having two characters would have been really boring), including a translator of the epic who really should have never quit his day job but just so happened to be in the right place at the right time to become the greatest translator of all time (Editor's Note: Please do not let this guy write any more of his own back copy!).
Duane Gundrum
Possibly the greatest translator to ever live, Duane Gundrum can speak 35 words of at least two different languages fluently. When sober, he can walk a straight line and not fall down once. Well, once, but he still thinks he was tripped. Always fascinated by the Greek Trojans, he wonders why they couldn't have gone with a different name instead of stealing USC's mascot for their own. He lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, but don't tell anyone. You know that whole restraining order thing....
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Reviews for The Ameriad
8 ratings4 reviews
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5An interesting historical speculative fiction idea - the author acts as "translator" of an old manuscript in which a survivor of Troy undergoes a journey and finds a new land. Unfortunately, not well developed. Particularly off-key is the voice the author uses, with wry asides and modern slang. Here's an example: "Oh, Muse, please tell of the travels of this man, this man who was unlike any other man, but was still a man, or at least he should have been a man, even though he was not like the others, so that his story should be told, or something like that." Yikes. Add that to "head honcho", "supermarket recycling center" and multiple other current usage expressions, and you have tough slogging...every instance throws the reader right back out of the story. Interestingly, I think the author actually knows quite a bit about Troy and related historical matters - I'd encourage a rewrite in which he weeds all the slang out...that would be a worthwhile read - but this particular iteration isn't working for me.
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5I received a review copy of The Ameriad: The Untold Founding of America By the Survivors of Troy by Duane Gundrum through Librarything.com. I am not a fan of humor based on puns and silly names and I quit reading at about 30%. I recommend that you read a sample before buying.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I was given this book in exchange for an honest review.If you love satirical writing then you don't want to pass this up. I found this to be an easy and enjoyable read. I did enjoy the storyline and was engrossed in the book until the end. Would definitely recommend this book to friends and anyone who enjoys satires and/or mythology.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This was a rather fun read. While I was never a devout reader of Greek mythology, I have read enough to understand that this one is a parody of The Iliad and The Aeneid and I was able to enjoy the elements borrowed to create this “what if” American mythology story. Gundrum dials up the satire/humour with descriptive monikers for various mythological gods (Amereaus’ parents are the god Head Honcho and the goddess Fluffy) and lesser gods like Beer and Shop Teacher. The names alone should give you an idea of the type of story this is. Through the story, Gundrum pokes fun at everything from powerful corporations, economic globalization (the Trojan Horse is discovered to display an undecipherable text: “Made in China”), the atom bomb, junk food to modern morals and ethics. Some of the satire was easy to pick up on but other aspects were more obscure to identify. The section where Amereaus meets Socrates is fabulously done but I never did figure out why the focus on “The Pillars” or its significance as a satirical element for the story. Just have to chalk that up to an aspect of American history / modern culture that I do not have much knowledge / understanding of. Overall, a fun, quick read and one I can recommend to anyone who with a basic understanding of Greek mythology and happens to likes their comedy to be of the Monty Python / Mel Brooks style or for readers of Marie Phillips’ Gods Behaving Badly].
Book preview
The Ameriad - Duane Gundrum
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book probably had as many adventures being written as the stories in the book itself. Started out as a criticism of Plato while studying political philosophy, it slowly evolved into the epic
you see before you.
As always, I thank my early readers for their assistance and insights. It wouldn’t have been completed without you.
I guess I should thank Homer for both the Iliad and the Odyssey, as well as Virgil, Plato, Socrates (for all of his published writings, of course), and the various blind harpists in history who have regaled us with their stories in pubs and alehouses across many lands.
About The Ameriad
The book runs about 230 pages in book form and consists of 50,000 words.
OTHER BOOKS BY Duane Gundrum
Innocent Until Proven Guilty
Leader of the Losers
Destiny
Absent Without Leave
Deadly Deceptions: A Steve Darwood Army Counterintelligence Novel
Thompson’s Bounty: A Ship Out of Time
The Ameriad: The Untold Founding of America by the Survivors of Troy
The Teddy Bear Conspiracy
A Season of Kings: A Tales of Reagul Novel
Darkened Passages: A Collection of Dark Fantasy
THE AMERIAD
THE UNTOLD FOUNDING OF AMERICA BY THE SURVIVORS OF TROY
About The Ameriad
The book runs about 217 pages in book form and consists of 49,000 words.
TRANSLATOR’S NOTE
What you are holding in your hands is the culmination of decades of searching and centuries of misplacement. This is an epic that has been found, lost, rediscovered and then ignored because those who possessed it did not even know what they had in their grasp. Even today, scholars, philosophers, archaeologists and scientists have managed to ignore the historical importance of the document, some even questioning its existence and verifiability. But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself.
After the fall of Ilium[1], when great Trojan leaders were forced to find new lands and new homes, the Greek threat of the Achaeans succeeded in destroying the once powerful Trojan Army. From this casualty of history, many great epics were created, often serving as the foundation creation mythologies of societies and civilizations that would one day transcend the power of Ilium itself. We are familiar with great works, such as the Iliad, which tells us the conflict of the great Greek warrior Achilles, the Odyssey, which follows the epic journey of Odysseus to return home to his wife and family, and of the Aeneid, which begins the foundation mythologies[2] of epic literature and poetry. Other epics telling the origin of other societies, such as Britannia, are also a part of this series of legendary epics, although they receive much less attention by those studying the genre. It’s been a common joke within this community of scholars that if there’s a land that was founded, some Trojan probably had a part in its creation.
One of these adventures, believed lost until recently, is the Ameriad. This odyssey involves the hero Amereaus, a senior officer of the Trojan Army who succeeded in founding a new Trojan land of his own far from the home of his birth.
The original author of the Ameriad is not known. Various ancient texts hint that he may have been a disabled harpist, but the writings of Didonius cast doubt as to the actual identity of the epic’s author. There was, however, a brief mention of the Ameriad found in the Library of Alexandria, in the same collection of scrolls that were saved of the teachings of Aristotle. However, the epic itself was believed lost, another of the tragic victims of the ancient library itself. This was until the year 1991, in August, when the archaeologist Joseph Von Hoffen discovered traces of a sunken ship near the ancient coastal city of Halicarnassus. During this underwater expedition, a team of international salvagers, seeking treasure more than archaeology, ripped the stern from the ship and discovered numerous treasures. One of these treasures found was a document written by Xenos of Cos, detailing cargo that was being sent to Crete by way of the Cycladian Islands; history reveals that Xeno’s ships never reached Crete.
Von Hoffen retraced Xeno’s route over a period of several months, utilizing special tracking submarines loaned to him by the National Marine Society. The ship was located, and on that ship was found a map of the Minocian village of Medivila. When Medivila was reconstructed by archaeologists soon after Heinrich Schliemann’s historic discovery of Troy in 1876, it was noted that Von Hoffen’s map revealed a temple that was not included in the original excavation of Medivila. After a long negotiation, the Turkish Government authorized Von Hoffen to dig at the questioned site, and several months later a temple to Apollo was uncovered. This was where the lost copy of the epic was discovered.
Per agreement with the Turkish Government, most of the information discovered in this temple was sent to the Medivila Historical Museum to be catalogued, but very little of the find was translated due to personnel shortages. At the time, Turkey was beginning its process of applying to the European Union, so its attention moved outward rather than inward. For years, the epic remained under security but was not translated due to personnel shortages. Turkish policies required all archaeological finds in Turkey to remain within the jurisdiction of Turkish lands, so taking the epic outside of Turkish control was not an option.
While I was on a research trip to the Medivila Museum, investigating the mysterious cave paintings of the Trojan highlands, I was introduced to Herman Schotz, the Curator of Greek properties. It was while I was here that he offered me the opportunity to translate the odyssey that had become known in certain circles as the Ameriad.
It is important to point out that the Ameriad was unlike any epic I have read in the original Greek. The author wrote in an almost conversational style rather than classical lyrical. At times, it was difficult to understand the nuance being utilized by the author, so I was often required to interject a more modern perspective to explain the variations the author took to make the story. I would like to think that I was very diligent in my efforts to capture the epic exactly as the author would have desired. Occasionally, I may have misplaced a "nous for a
noētou", but I figured that to be a more genitive case than a relative one; in each instance, I labored for long periods of time before figuring no one would know the difference anyway and went with what seemed more appropriate.
Since the decision was made to have me translate the epic, I have been besieged by Greek historians as to their guesses of the land Amereaus supposedly founded. I’ve heard arguments for all sorts of locations, and a number of national governments have also contacted me, attempting to convince me that Amereaus must have been trying to find their country; some of them are even landlocked and on the wrong continent, but these things can sometimes get out of hand.
From my research, I can say unequivocally that there has been little evidence as to what the land was that the author claimed Amereaus discovered. However, tracing the path of Amereaus has suggested that this new land may have been located off the coast of Spain. Some scholars have even conjectured that the land may have existed way beyond Spain, possibly because of the passage covered in the story that states:
And there was a great cataclysm of water,
Cascading brightly but with light of wonder.
Amereaus turned to his navigator Lyddius,
Pounded on his chest and brought about great
Wonder of which could not be seen.
Water forever, Prince Amereaus,
said Lyddius. "There
Is no thing but water. Yes, water. So much water."
But where is the land that was so much that we had seen before?
Said Amereaus as he steered the ship away from water creatures that
Hung out in the water around them.
The land is no more,
said Lyddius. We are away from all.
Amereaus nodded his head, pounded on his chest again, and then
Pulled out his hair. He was not happy.
—Duane Gundrum, primary text translator
BOOK I
For the sake of understanding and clarification, Muse, please tell me of the man who was forced to travel far from his land to lands that he had no intentions of traveling to, even on vacations, so that he could fulfill wonders invoked by the gods from the gods and for the gods.
Many were they who saw the loss, oh the precious loss, of Troy, oh Troy, that had been sacked by the greedy and mean Achaeans. Many were the cities, towns, and unincorporated areas he saw while on journeys, learning of the many different people he came across, often killing them because he didn’t understand them, but always looking good when he did so. Oh, Muse, please tell of the travels of this man, this man who was unlike any other man, but was still a man, or at least he should have been a man, even though he was not like the others, so that his story should be told, or something like that. Tell of the man who survived the losses of Ilium, of Hector and his soldiers. Let the words breathe hollow air so that they may become one once again. Please do that Muse, and I would also like peace on Earth and a choo-choo train for Christmas.
And there was a meeting of the heavens. The gods of above observed the state of affairs below them, and all were not pleased with what they saw. Darla, the mistress of the sky, wife of the son of Yaskos, looked down upon this man and only with hatred in her eyes. Oh, Arson, is that what I think it is that I see?
Arson, the god of fire, stared down at the city and nodded his head yes. My wonder of wonders, that is what I, too, see. Amereaus is one with the city. There will be great feasting and rejoicing on this night.
Feasting?
she said, placing her hands on her hips. Feasting for such a man while my son died in the fighting at Ilium.
It could not be avoided,
said Arson. The son of Yaskos deemed that Padrikula was to die at the hand of Amereaus during the siege of the city. He warned you long before it was to happen.
But how was Amereaus able to escape? My subjects were able to overcome Ilium and burn it to the ground. Why is it that some Trojans were able to escape?
The three fates promised that there would be survivors to carry on the name of Ilium. There was nothing that could be done to avoid such a destiny.
Darla took in a deep breath and then let it out. If I have anything to say about it, I will see to Amereaus’s destruction. Not only did he survive after he was to die, but he went to the Pillars of Heracles. The Pillars are mine, and he desecrates my name by being there amongst my people.
She smiled. I think I will wing words to the queen to have Amereaus killed in his sleep.
You will do nothing of the sort,
said a thunderous voice from the outside chamber. A large man entered the planning room. He was a man who towered over the few people in the room, and he wore his robe loose, almost as if waiting for a reason to rip it off and do battle. Amereaus is not to be harmed. He is part of a much greater destiny.
Darla stared at her husband. My lord, Amereaus has dishonored my name by taking up with one of my queens. He has landed on the Pillars of all places.
The son of Yaskos stroked his beard. That is a dishonor not worthy of one as powerful as you, but it is a dishonor you will have to endure. Amereaus is to found a new Troy, and he cannot do that from the depths of Hades.
As you wish, my lord,
she said with a hint of sarcasm. After all, you are the one we call Head Honcho.
It was true, and Head Honcho hated that name. He remembered a time when the leader of the gods had a great name, one of power and honor, one that made mortals tremble upon hearing it. The name Head Honcho
indicated he was in charge, but it made him feel more like a tour guide of the gods than the king of the gods. Because of that fact, he was grumpy a great deal of the time.
Yet it was true. Head Honcho, the son of Yaskos, was the king of the gods. Yet, no one really called him Head Honcho to his face (other than Darla when she was teasing or patronizing him); instead, he was often referred to as Almighty. However, it is important to note that it was known throughout the heavens that he was not all mighty. He was more semi-mighty, but his business cards had already been made up with Almighty
so he was stuck with the title. Such hardships were often a consequence in the life of a god.
But Darla was not about to just give up. Is there not some other mortal you can offer the privilege of founding a new city? Why does it have to be Amereaus?
Head Honcho shook his head. The information has already been downloaded to the Oracle at Delphi. You know how much they hate it when we put out a patch after our product has already hit the stores. Besides, they’ve already given this information to Amereaus; it would be really rude to change our minds this late in the game. We’d end up with a really bad reputation.
But I hate him so much,
said Darla.
Before Head Honcho would respond, the door opened, and suddenly the stale air of the palace began to dissipate as the fragrance of flowers filled the entire room. Where there was a sense of disagreement only moments before, suddenly the world offered up wondrous enlightenment with the crispness of the dreams that come with fresh morning awareness, offering nothing but new chances and opportunities for love and enjoyment. In that brief moment, there was no longer conflict and confusion but acceptance that great things were afoot and nothing would stand in one’s way.
Entering into the room upon this new sense of wonder and love was a woman who breathed new air into the surroundings, almost as if reinventing the atoms through a supermarket’s recycling center that offered double the deposit rate of bottles and cans, even accepting brands specifically sold at competing stores. Her hair flowed out from her in careless abandon, yet even though its ends could not be ascertained by mere mortals, there was no doubt that there had to be a god or goddess who represented her hairstyle because no other words could be used