Pisces Miranti: Intergalactic Pizza Delivery Dude, Philosopher Poet

By Matthew Ballotti

After leading a mundane, simple life where he tried to get by as best he could, Pisces Miranti meets his demise in a tragic accident, but at least he didn't harm Bigfoot. When he awakes from his death weeks later he finds himself in a fantastical world surrounded by alien beings who seem to have sprung to life from the memories of movies he's seen. As he comes to discover how his new life is to operate, he learns more about himself and how the universe operates than he ever thought he'd have to know. He soon comes to learn that maybe he is more important than he realized. Maybe he truly is a powerful being with something more to offer the galaxy, and maybe delivering pizzas isn't such a bad way to make a living.

• Language: English
• Publisher: MWB Entertainment
• Release date: Oct 17, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310938252

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Pisces Miranti: Intergalactic Pizza Delivery Dude, Philosopher Poet

By Matthew Ballotti

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Copyright 2014 by Matthew Ballotti

Published by MWB Entertainment

Smashwords Edition

This is a work of fiction. All characters and events depicted in this book are fictional and any resemblances to real people or events are purely coincidental.

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To the hard working common folk of the universe. To all those who produce something or provide a service to create value in this strange dimension we live in. To all those who engage in voluntary interactions with one another and believe that using force or coercive methods to get others to go along with your ideas is wrong. To those who stick by their moral principles even while the vast majority of their compatriots have compromised theirs in order to go along to get along. You are the people who make living on this plane of existence worthwhile. Whether you realize it or not, you are very powerful beings. Even the most mundane of activities can become heroic when done to expose the tyranny of an established elite. I dedicate this work to you in the hopes that mankind can free itself from the perpetual search for Utopia it often becomes engaged in and realize that peace and freedom come from the inside and work their way out.

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Introduction

In the last few years of my life I've come to recognize just how manipulated our society has become. As I've become unemployed and learned alternative ways of earning money, and learned that there is still an underground economy where cash is king and debt is a bad thing, I've come to see just how dependent so many have become on their masters that serve in the highest offices of government. I don't claim to know where all this is heading, but in the past such manipulations have led to nothing good. I can only hope that modern technology and an active movement toward more freedom for mankind rather than more tyranny can change the fundamental values of this society more toward individualism rather than collectivism.

I created Pisces Miranti long ago to represent an alter ego of mine that sees myself as a poet trying to express the trials and tribulations of being human. His poetry isn't always the best and sometimes might not even be considered true poetry, but he is always trying to be different and unique. On the philosophical side, he takes his work to a political platform. His views might not be popular and certainly are frowned upon by the establishment and the powers that be, but he does his best to remain true to his principles. The main tenets of his philosophy are to do no harm to others, to not tread upon the rights of other individuals, and to not initiate the use of force or coercion when interacting with others.

In this story Pisces enters a fantastical world that is likely somewhat familiar to the reader. His circumstances are not always the best, and yet he is somehow able to muddle through as common human beings are wont to do. He tries to make the most of what is given to him and tries to do what is right to the best of his knowledge. It isn't always as simple as it should be, or as it might seem, but then life is seldom that simple. Pisces discovers that life is a learning experience and a chance to grow as a being.

This book is designed to be a hybrid. In spots it reads like a screenplay to help with visuals and to try to move it along. I'd like the reader to imagine he's in a theater watching a movie. This works best during action sequences and conversations. In other spots it will read more like a traditional novel. This works best to explore the thoughts and feelings of characters and to develop a background story of past experiences that movies don't always deliver so well. And, of course, for commentary by the author, that's me. I hope it will be a more sophisticated read for the modern reader. It's an experiment I hope the world is ready for. And now, without further adieu, I present Pisces Miranti: Intergalactic Pizza Delivery Dude, Philosopher Poet.

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Chapter 1: Where to Begin?

Insanity.

The world is full of it.

Perhaps that's why this story begins somewhere in the middle.

Not that it's different from any other story. The only story that begins at the beginning is Genesis in The Bible, or The Big Bang Theory. That's if you believe in those kinds of things. And even those stories are questionable. What was there before a singularity decided to expand into infinity? Surely there must have been something in the vastness of nothingness? What was there before The Word? Certainly there had to be some kind of vocal chords to produce The Word? Certainly there had to be some kind of ethereal medium for the sound waves which carried The Word to move through? And what good would a word do unless there was an ear somewhere to hear it, and a brain to decode it?

No, there was no beginning. There will be no end. There is only now. And now is somewhere in the middle. So, all stories begin somewhere in the middle. It only adds to the insanity that already exists.

Some would say that birth is a beginning. Well, I suppose in a way that's true. Yet even birth is in the middle of something. There was a love story, or a story of lust, desire and/or violence. Then, of course, there's the whole conception thing. Before that there was a story of a little boy and a little girl and how they happened grow up to come to be in the same place at the same time. And then there was the story of their parents, and theirs, and on and on backwards through the mists of time until those ancestors are barely human looking. That is, of course, if you believe in the whole evolution thing.

There is this school of thought that perhaps mankind was genetically engineered into existence by some alien entities. We are the slave species of aliens, so to speak, and they were the ancient gods our kind worshipped. They were interested in our gold and other natural resources on this planet, and, of course, the daughters of men. Funny how antiquity is full of clues that modern science refuses to acknowledge. Well, whatever the case, evolution, genetic manipulation, or created from the dust of the earth by a jealous, angry god, mankind is here now. Once again we were born into the middle of the story, and the beginning is less than a hazy memory, it's an uncertainty laced with cryptic and disputed evidence.

Pisces Miranti's story starts a little more than fifty years after his birth. After twenty years of marriage his wife has kicked him out of the house. After 15 years of dedicated service his employer has laid him off. His world has fallen apart. He is alone and desperate in a collapsing economy where nothing is dependable any longer, not even a Maytag. In short, Pisces' world has gone insane.

Picking up the pieces, Pisces manages to fall back on some old skills he learned long ago while working his way through college. He finds a job at a local pizza joint as a pizza delivery dude. He rents a single bedroom apartment from a local slumlord. He is doing the best he can and finds it difficult to complain. Things could be worse. He's not living on the street. He owns a vehicle outright. And every night he works he comes home with a pocket full of cash. No government agency is taking money from a check and keeping it for themselves unless he claims it every year. He is, in essence, free from the bonds that forces beyond his control use to manipulate him. At least so he thinks. He even uses the available modern technology to keep up a blog on the subject.

There are forces in this universe we cannot even begin to imagine. I might be able to, but we can't. That's where this story becomes so interesting. In the telling of it, even if it begins somewhere in the middle, perhaps I can impart some of my imagination into your mind. If I could only make that feel as good as sex I'd be in proverbial heaven.

So this story begins on a dark and stormy night. Well, it was dark because it was night, but stormy isn't exactly accurate. Snowy would be more accurate. Well, slushy anyway. It was kind of a mix of rain and snow, the kind you get at the beginning of December. In fact, it was the beginning of December. And this storm did feature some lightning and thunder, which is unusual but not unheard of in such a storm.

On this night, three months before the fifty first anniversary of the birth of Pisces Miranti, this man who was trying to pick up the pieces of his broken life, would meet his demise. He would die listening to Pink Floyd, the thought that not ten years but forty had gotten behind him filled his consciousness just moments before all those years would converge into a final reckoning. Yes, he would die, and the fact that it was dark and not exactly stormy but kind of slushy helped to bring that about. So, I suppose it could be said that this story begins at the end, in a manner of speaking, but there are no endings, just as there are no beginnings. It ends and begins somewhere in the middle. I know, it's insane.

Act 1, Scene 1

The scene opens with a view out the front windshield of a vehicle. The vehicle is a black 2004 Hyundai Santa Fe. Outside it is late at night and a rain, ice and snow mix splatters on the windshield as the windshield wipers swipe up and down, up and down, in a quick beat. Inside the vehicle on the windshield near the bottom hangs a Garmin GPS. In the front passenger seat sits a pizza warmer bag. Pisces Miranti has just finished his last delivery of the night and is on his way home. It has not been a good night for him.

Pisces reaches over to the radio dial and turns up the radio. The song Time by Pink Floyd is playing. The sound of alarm clocks going off helps to momentarily bring Pisces out of a trancelike state he was in.

Pisces Miranti: (mumbling to himself) I can't believe how terrible tips were tonight. I only made forty dollars all night in this weather? Some days it's almost not worth coming to work.

The song continues and Pisces begins to hum along. As the song reaches the point where Pink Floyd declares And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you Pisces chuckles.

Pisces Miranti: (shaking his head) More like forty years.

Without warning and quite unexpectedly, a robotic feminine voice speaks from the GPS causing Pisces to jump with surprise and turn his attention to it.

Robotic feminine voice from the GPS: In point 1 miles, swerve right to avoid Bigfoot.

Pisces Miranti: (looking at and leaning into the GPS with surprise) What?

He has taken his eyes off the road and as he looks up Bigfoot steps out of the woods and unto the road from Pisces' right. Pisces swerves to the left. He cuts across several lanes of traffic, but there is no one else on the road to see him. He slides into a large water retention pond which has filled quite high with water from the storm. As he hits the water neither the air bag nor the seatbelt work. He is thrown hard into the steering wheel and knocked out cold.

Robotic feminine voice from the GPS: I told you to swerve right, as in the other right.

We are not sure if Pisces heard this or not as he appears to be out cold. For good measure the airbag suddenly inflates, knocking his limp form backwards momentarily, and then deflates. The car quickly fills with water and sinks toward the bottom. Air bubbles float up from Pisces' nose and mouth as he unconsciously inhales and fills his lungs with water.

Suddenly, a large, hairy hand breaks the driver's side window, reaches in, and pulls Pisces out of the car. The scene goes pitch black.

Act 1 Scene 2

The scene remains pitch black. In the darkness, sounds can be heard. Someone is singing to their self. A male voice sings But we'll never be royals, royals. Glass can be heard tinkling as glass hits glass. Footsteps are suddenly heard approaching. A male voice speaks.

Voice of Herman Peabody: Are you coming back to us?

The darkness vanishes as the camera opens like eyes. At first everything is bright and hazy, then shadows form against the brightness. The familiar shape of a human form comes into focus. The camera is seeing what Pisces sees. The human form becomes sharper. The white haze clears up and the camera can see a face clearly now as it bends over Pisces. It is an alien face, with a small mouth, a thin, sharp chin, a thin nose with two slits for nostrils just above the mouth, a green, bluish hue to its skin, intelligent, human eyes, and a large, egg shaped, bald head with several large bumps on it. The being is dressed in a white lab coat and wears a stethoscope. Pisces doesn't appear to be too surprised by the vision because he doesn't accept what he's seeing as reality.

Herman Peabody: Well, there you are.

Pisces Miranti: Where am I?

Herman Peabody: Why, you're right here, of course.

Pisces Miranti: Where is here? What is this place?

Herman Peabody: You're in my laboratory. Where else would you be?

Pisces Miranti: (slowly trying to sit up) I would think I'd be in a hospital or something.

Herman Peabody: How do you feel?

Pisces Miranti: Like shit. My fucking head is pounding. It hurts so much it's playing tricks with my eyes. I swear to god, doc, to me you look just like a Martian out of Mars Attacks or something.

Herman Peabody: Well, yes, I have been told that's what I look like. Tell me, what's the last thing you remember?

Pisces Miranti: I remember this thing, like a Bigfoot, jumping in front of me. I remember hitting the water, then I couldn't move. I remember some bitch telling me I should have swerved in the other direction, then everything went cold and dark. Man, you still look like some kind of alien out of a Hollywood movie. What kind of drugs did you give me?

Herman Peabody: No drugs. That's just how I look. So, you don't remember any bright light or any tunnel of light or anything like that? You don't remember talking to any dead relatives or angels? No leaving your body and looking down at the accident scene or anything like that?

Pisces Miranti: Uh, no. What do you mean, no drugs, that's how you look?

Herman Peabody: Why are you so obsessed with how I look? I'll have you know I was quite the ladies' man in my day. I've had ten wives and twenty eight kids. You don't remember anything except cold and darkness? No music or nothing? No seventy virgins?

Pisces Miranti: Seventy virgins? What the hell are you talking about?

Herman Peabody: You had to see or hear something?

Pisces Miranti: Well, there was Time by Pink Floyd.

Herman Peabody: Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Was it sung by a choir of angelic voices?

Pisces Miranti: No. It was sung by Roger Waters. It was playing on the radio when I hit the water. Hey, maybe that means something? I was listening to Waters when I hit the water.

Herman Peabody: Don't be stupid. It was sung by David Gilmour. Just because Waters wrote the lyrics doesn't me he sang the song. And that all happened before and during the accident. I'm more curious about what you experienced after the accident.

Pisces Miranti: Sorry, doc, it's like a big nothing.

Herman Peabody: Damn. I was really hoping you'd have some kind of cool death experience to tell me about.

Pisces Miranti: You mean I actually died? How long was I dead for? How long have I been here?

Herman Peabody: A little over a month as you mark time.

Pisces Miranti: (extremely surprised) I've been here for a month?

Herman Peabody: A little more than a month and you've been dead the whole time.

Pisces Miranti: Are you crazy? That's impossible! Nobody comes back to life after they've been dead a month.

Herman Peabody: And yet here you are. I admit it is a bit unusual. In fact, you may be right. This might be a record. I'll have to check. As for my sanity, I do believe I am still quite sane. Oh, I've been known to get wild and crazy on occasion, but that hasn't happened in a long time.

There is a moment of silence. Pisces Miranti stares at Herman Peabody in disbelief. He blinks several times.

Herman Peabody: What?

Pisces Miranti: You're still this bluish, greenish color with a big, bumpy head.

Herman Peabody: And you're still this pinkish, whitish color with a tiny, hairy head.

Suddenly the door flies open. A creature best described as Bigfoot, or perhaps better described as a wookie, bursts into the room. It is the same creature that Pisces almost hit before he drove into the pond. The creature rushes Pisces in his bed. Pisces begins to scream hysterically. Bigfoot reaches his bed and throws its arms around Pisces in a big hug. Pisces continues to carry on in hysterics. He tries to hit the creature, but finds it very difficult due to his arms being pinned by her strong hug.

Pisces Miranti: Get if off me! Get it off me! I don't want to be eaten!

Herman Peabody: (as he tries to pull Bigfoot away) Alright, alright, that's enough. You're going to crush him to death if you're not careful.

Herman Peabody manages to pull the creature off Pisces, but it stays close to him and proceeds to start to groom the hair on his head. Pisces continues in hysterics and flails with his arms which are inconveniently tangled in tubes, wires and sheets.

Pisces Miranti: Get that damn thing away from me!

Herman Peabody: (angrily) I'll have you know that damn thing saved your life.

Pisces Miranti: (still trying to knock Bigfoot's hands away from his head) What the hell are you talking about? It jumped in front of my car and nearly killed me!

Herman Peabody: (concealing a rage boiling underneath) It then jumped in a freezing lake and swam down to the bottom, something it found very difficult to do, and then pulled you out of your car. It then brought you to me so you could be saved. You should be thankful.

Pisces Miranti: (slapping Bigfoot's hands away a couple of times only to have Bigfoot continue to insist on returning to the job of grooming Pisces' head) It wouldn't have had to save me if it hadn't jumped in front of my car in the first place. What the hell are you running here, anyway, a zoo? What is this thing?

Herman Peabody: (trying very hard not to bust out in an angry rant) It is a Homo Pilosusmagnuspes-pedis, if you must know, a very loving and gentle creature very closely related to your species. I'll also have you know that it is not an it, it is a she and she has a name. Her name is Andrew.

Andrew: Urgg arp arrr.

Pisces Miranti: Andrew? What the