The Last Slap: Men Too

By John Laurier

This is the most complete and thorough book on the subject of the abuse of men by women. It is still hidden in a cloak of secrecy. He includes sections on How To Move Foward, How To Heal, and How to Forgive. He has the support of various writers, as well as reviews by other victims both male and female. Reviews include comments by Therapists and friends. Although this is written from a man's perspective, it is written for women as well. Many insights were gained by conversations with women, many of whom have added commentary to this publication, and encouraged its path to publication.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 2, 2014
• ISBN: 9781631923777

Book preview

Therapist

a PROLOGUE is

A beginning. An invitation. Welcoming and encouraging others to read and to listen to this man’s tale of what transpired to limit his ability to act, grow, be whole, and continue to dream. The ensuing result? Becoming a mere shadow of his former self, reducing life to that of inaction, fear, silence, anxious anticipation, embarrassment, and simply one of observation and reaction. A retreat into one’s inner core.

…those who lose dreaming are lost… an Aborigine proverb

"…Why do we no longer dream in the presence of the abuser…?

Dreams set us free…allowing…revealing a new world of possibilities…" (JLB).

But words with neither a reader, nor listener are meaningless, becoming simply self-serving. Without you, this discourse will fail; and its ultimate goal not achieved. That which is, to invite further discussion, and increase the awareness of this issue. And to serve as an avenue to offer hope, support and encouragement to others still trapped in this horror.

It took these past several years and travel to a country not of my birth that produced an understanding and to gain the courage to format this personal trial, depicting the sadness of those years, and that time of incredible pain. There, in the midst of less advantaged countries, the opportunity presented itself to regain insight into the importance of life, its value and blessings and re-unite with my self-worth. This period of new experiences allowed me the ability to find peace, joy, happiness, and a new beginning.

For I am no longer under another’s control. CONTROL being the most definitive, complete and accurate description that reveals the true understanding of the world of ABUSE.

Ultimately, being able to gain the ability, the strength to come to terms with the one that caused such torment; one that is not happy, nor content, nor accepting of herself. Whose very acts of aggression stand in witness of that inner torment and her inner sadness.

This tale is honest and true. It is influenced by an overwhelming desire to question, search, discuss, and finally understand; resulting in the means to move forward not only for myself, but with the hope that such a discourse will offer hope to others. For this topic is not limited to a discussion of the abuse by a woman towards a man, nor the abuse of a woman by a man. Indeed it includes the discussion of abuse by anyone, regardless of the sex of the abuser, regardless of the sex of the one abused, nor the depth of any relationship.

This issue addresses all cultures, all beliefs, all races, all colors, be one rich or poor, powerful or struggling, successful or failing, young or old, healthy or ill. It includes the relationship between any two people.

While searching for answers, for support, it was discovered that most works dealing with the abuse of males, is generally narrowly confined to that of sexual abuse, be it by family, those in authority, or a spouse. There are volumes of material dealing with the abuse of women. These works discuss the entire realm of abuse whether it be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or mental. Such abuse of women has been recorded in the written word, song, movies, plays, and demonstrations that have even gained international support for women so abused. There are multiple organizations and shelters available for women. But there are limited sources of assistance for a male that has been abused. Indeed, the few shelters for males are generally limited to larger cities.

In the written word, many authors writing of the abuse of women suggest you substitute him for her, he for she. The result and consequences being so similar regardless of the sex or orientation of the one abused.

Once friends are aware of abuse, many women will surround that woman, offer support, encourage her to leave such a destructive relationship. Some men will come secretly to her home, enabling a safety net while she flees the home in the absence of the abuser. She will take few possessions, her children if still at home, and run away to a life of unknowns. Some men may confront the abuser and become physical towards him.

For men, this is generally not the case. Men are reluctant to discuss abuse by a woman. A man’s identity is intimately linked to an attitude of strength. How could a man ever allow himself to be victimized by a woman? And when such is revealed many other men respond in disbelief, lack any emotional ability to provide comfort, and thus, so lost as to its solution.

We cannot change anything, until we accept it.   ( Carl Jung )

For myself, reading and listening, while experiencing both the positive and the negative opposite of many individual words, have been the means to my survival that allowed the means to move forward.

On that first morning, how did?

She arose…my denim shirt over her shoulders… covering her breasts and sweet scent then she sat beside me…I could no longer resist…I was so in love with her…

Result in and Become?

" The resolve to end…to literally run away…to vacate the home….

protecting my best pal…as…that night… on hands and knees… with unending tears…begging…you are killing me…let me go"

What happened and why? There is no easy or quick explanation. To describe an incident and simply rail against it, is much easier than to present the emotional, personal and mental devastation of that particular abuse. It is more than simply physical or sexual in content and pain. It is all encompassing. It is mental, emotional, physical, sexual, verbal, so sensitive and so totally personal. Why does one remain in such a destructive relationship that spirals downwards and become more and more dysfunctional?

We do not see things as they are…we see them as we are ( Talmud )

Only your own truth allows forward movement beyond such dysfunction. We realize how the utter shock of that initial instance of abuse renders one helpless, stumbling, being in denial, and increasing inactivity. The one fact in understanding abuse is that it does not happen all at once. It is often subtle, expressed by a comment, a gesture, a glance, and though never forgotten, it is hidden in our psyche thru denial of its presence. Abuse becomes deeper than the momentary surface intolerance.

How to move beyond, regain self-appreciation, self-esteem, self-love, and self-respect is a battle that each individual need resolve for their self and by their self. Friends and family can help ease the pain, the loss, the loneliness, the fear, and the emptiness. But it is only you that will persevere, struggle thru each new day, hoping tomorrow will be better, and arriving at a smile that has been too long absent.

Breaking that habit of pain and loss has the ability to produce freedom, satisfaction, and happiness. The constant reality of disbelief and denial must find a release regardless of any awkwardness or misgivings for what the future may hold. Only you are so responsible for that desired outcome. It will not be easy as it is fraught with disappointment, trials, and yet more tears. But persistence will see you move and gain that freedom of which you are so entitled.

This discourse will not arrive at a definitive ending, filled with answers for why one becomes a victim of abuse. This is not simply written as a self-cleansing, but more importantly to offer hope to others. This tale spoken from awkwardness, denial, and disbelief by myself, will end, to allow further discussion and investigation by others. For if others refuse to acknowledge this reality and realize the urgency with which it need be addressed, the resulting silence will only continue to promote its continued avoidance.

Within these next pages I will relate not simply the undeniable abuse and its increase over those many years, but will address two incidences that culminated in that final ability to vacate that relationship.

One of these is the most horrific, the most negative, and the realm within which