Dani's Shorts 2

By Dani J Caile

Yes, it's Volume 2 of TIW shorts! Yet another collection of totally pointless exactly 500 and exactly 200 word nonsense to entertain you while doing whatever you do when reading.
Here are my own personal takes on the second 6 months of the Iron Writer Challenge, including Challenges, Weekend Quickies, Grudge Matches and Solstice Opens - plus an excerpt of 'How to' killing Brian (Cannibalising Brian) and a slice from the first ever Relays. I hope you enjoy these short snippets just as much as you enjoyed Volume 1.
Thanks again to Brian and all the other Iron Writers for making The Iron Writers phenomenon the success that it already is.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dani J Caile
• Release date: Feb 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310891472

Dani J Caile

I've been writing for years, but now I've found my voice and style. I hope you like it as much as everyone else who has read it. :-)

Book preview

Dani's Shorts 2

(A collection of short stories based on the elements from The Iron Writer Challenge)

Volume 2

by

Dani J Caile

Smashwords Edition

PUBLISHED BY:

Dani J Caile on Smashwords

ISBN: 9781310891472

Dani's Shorts 2

Copyright © 2014 by Dani J Caile

Smashwords License Statement

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Blogs & Websites

http://danijcaile.blogspot.hu/

All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locale or organizations is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © Dani J Caile 2014

Table of Contents

Preface / Acknowledgement

27 - Loser

28 - The Troubles

29 - The Hunchback of Little Piddly Town

30 - Not a usual Saturday

31 - The curse

32 - The Big 'No-no'

Autumn Equinox Open Elimination Round - Reynold's last laugh

Autumn Equinox Final - Miley Cyrus?

33 - Grandpa

34 - Got him back

Grudge Match 1 - 60 seconds

35 - Fat bird

36 - Two's a crowd, three's company

37 - Deranged

38 - A Complete Git

39 - Like father…

40 (Grudge 2) - The Hungry Shark

41 - Strange Awakening

42 (Grudge 3) - Damn Injun

43 - 2456 - A Space Pomposity

44 - The trouble with twins

45 - Winter Equinox Open Elimination Round - Selfish Little Monkeys

46 - So close

47 - Winter Equinox Open Final- Marital Strife

48 - A Eulogy for Suzie Wobblebottom?

49 - Muppet Respect

49 - One in a Million (the story entered on TIW)

50 - Never again

51 (Grudge 4) - Tunktan eh Lamar

Only for my loval smiploff (nonsense poetry)

52 - Mon 'anime'

Weekend Quickie 1 - Bradán, the moaning sod

Weekend Quickie 2 - Lunch with Austen

Weekend Quickie 3 - Three or more

Weekend Quickie 4 - Two-timing bitch

Weekend Quickie 5 - Samples needed

Weekend Quickie 6 - We're going to die

Weekend Quickie 7 - Grandma's favourite nephew

Weekend Quickie 8 - Dog in Snow

Weekend Quickie 9 - Lifesaver

Weekend Quickie 10 - Here comes the choo-choo train

Weekend Quickie 11 - Just what did little Tim do?

Weekend Quickie 12 - Memories

Weekend Quickie 13 - Revisited

12 Days of Christmas (Weekend Quickie Special)

Weekend Quickie 16 - Nicked in time

Weekend Quickie 17 - For Love

Weekend Quickie 18 - Exquisite pain

Weekend Quickie 19 - Cowboy Frolics

Weekend Quickie 20 - Naughty Mrs. Mibbley

Weekend Quickie 21 - The Power of Love

Weekend Quickie 22 - The urge to tell

Weekend Quickie 23 - Artistic Ideal

Killing Brian - Cannibalising Brian (excerpt from 'How to')

Relay Event T1 (Part 10)

Relay Event T2 (Part 1) - 'The Pink Pineapple'

List of elements for Challenges 27-52 (including Grudge Matches 1-4 and the Autumn & Winter Solstice Opens) and Weekend Quickies 1-23

Other work by Dani J Caile

Preface / Acknowledgement

Yes, it's Volume 2 of TIW shorts! Yet another collection of totally pointless exactly 500 and exactly 200 word nonsense to entertain you while doing whatever you do when reading. For myself, it was a long and exciting year in The Iron Writer. It has become a part of my life now, every week waiting for the next group of elements to hit the site and dwelling on the story which could link them all together in the style of my choice. It's thanks to this challenge that I can say I never suffer from writer's block - touch wood.

So what happened? There were 3 Opens, all of which I participated in due to my Challenge wins, narrowly missing winning the Autumn Open by 1 vote (348-349) but winning the Winter Open to get into the Annual Final, Grudge matches - I won Grudge 3, a mixture of facebook TIW chat and my thoughts on the USA and its indigenous peoples - and Weekend Quickies, a new 200 word Saturday free-for-all, including a '12 days of Christmas special' and a version of the end of 'The Road from Colonus' by EM Forster (WQ13) to name but one. I also wrote a quick 10 worder while discussing the explicit/implicit use of elements which includes all 4 in the challenge at the time - He tutted as she stood there in a mini skirt. (Challenge 45).

So here are my own personal takes on the second 6 months of the Iron Writer Challenge, including Challenges, Weekend Quickies, Grudge Matches and Solstice Opens - plus an excerpt of 'How to' killing Brian (Cannibalising Brian) and a slice from the first ever Relays. I hope you enjoy these short snippets just as much as you enjoyed Volume 1.

Thanks again to Brian and all the other Iron Writers for making The Iron Writers phenomenon the success that it already is.

If you are 'up to the Challenge', then go to...

http://theironwriter.com/

27 - Loser

(Millennium Falcon, GI Joe Action figures, waffle iron, Slim Whitman)

I tried to ignore him.

What's that then, sonny?

It's the Millennium Falcon.

He wasn't my father, only a long lost uncle who’d moved to Florida when my Dad was a kid. A nobody. Now this loser had come back with his new wife, incidentally from his old homeland, and was staying for a few weeks at ours. They'd left Florida because she was 'homesick'. Anyone could see that she wanted to spend his hard-earned dollars in a place where they meant something.

It looks like a UFO.

Yes, it's a spaceship used by Hans Solo in ‘Star Wars’.

Oh yes, really?

He didn't have a clue. Maybe he'd lived in the swamps of Florida.

Nice decals. Now, let's have a look here...any GI Joes?

GI what? Oh, the movie. It's okay, but I prefer proper sci-fi.

Movie?

Didn't go to the cinema, either. Definitely the swamps.

Mum called us down and we sat with the others for the usual breakfast gathering, now with our two new guests. My little sister was already halfway through her Cheerios. This loser uncle looked down at his plate.

Honey, what's this?

It's toast, we usually eat toast for breakfast.

He picked them up and studied them, slowly putting them back on the plate.

Do you have any waffles?

Waffles? You'd like waffles? Sorry, we once had a waffle iron but it didn't last long and no one really liked them, anyway.

No waffles? Not even shop-bought?

No, sorry. Would you like me to make you some pancakes? Normally, I only make them on Shrove Tuesday but seeing as...

No, no, 'toast' will suffice, thank you. Don't need to trouble yourself.

You already did, loser.

After a quiet breakfast, broken by the crunching of dry cold toast, he moved into the living room. Mum motioned me to keep him company while the wife followed her into the kitchen. Man of the house. When I sat down on the sofa he was already searching through my Dad's old vinyl collection, blowing dust off covers and chuckling to himself.

No Slim Whitman, I see.

Slim who?

"Slim