Life’s Lessons for the Marriage

By Bart Mcmillan

This is a honest and transparent book about marriage. You
will read true stories about the failures and successes of
marriage in which you can learn. Life’s Lessons for the
Marriage is a real account of some painful and joyful
experiences that will definitely hit home, and hopefully give
some insight to how God can provide peace and direction in
your marriage

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Mar 1, 2015
• ISBN: 9780972200431

Book preview

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HOW WE GOT THIS WHOLE THING STARTED GO FLY A KITE!

HOW WE GOT THIS WHOLE THING STARTED GO FLY A KITE!

Ocie and I began dating in our freshman year of college. We had been dating about a month when I knew I wanted to do something very special with her. Of course, the problem when I was in college was that I had no money. However, I did manage to scrape up some change in the dorm room that amounted to the impressive sum of about two dollars.

Undeterred, I headed off to the local store in town and began to search for that one particular item that could provide an afternoon of entertainment on this very special date with my girlfriend. All I could find for two dollars was a kite. Ah, but it was a red Gala kite just like the one I flew when I was little. The kite provoked fond memories of when my mom and dad would take my sister and me out to the local park, Forsythe Park, in Monroe, Louisiana, to send those beauties soaring into the sky. I love to fly kites!

Remembering how much fun I had, I bought the red kite and took it back to my dorm. With a black marker I put a big B on one side of the kite and a big O on the other side. Then I folded it back up nice and neat, put it back in its container, and went to pick Ocie up at her dorm.

It was a cold November day. We went out to the intramural field of the college to fly this kite. When we got to the field, the wind was blowing very hard – picture perfect weather for this particular activity. When Ocie opened the package containing the kite, she noticed the large B and O letters and asked, How ever did you find a kite with a B and an O? Did I mention that she was very blonde back then?

I put the kite together and it took off almost immediately. Several times, it became entangled in a tree but somehow each time it managed to work its way out. In later years, we would compare that to our relationship. Yep, for just a $1.77 I was able to enjoy one of the greatest dates of my life.

In the summer between my high school junior and senior years, I worked out-of-town installing Cablevision in dorm rooms. During those years, an industrious person could make a ton of money with anything having to do with cable TV. I would make nearly twelve-hundred dollars a week. I was dating a young lady at the time and I would come home and spend nearly all my paycheck on her in one single weekend. When I compared the twelve-hundred dollars I spent on her to the $1.77 I spent on Ocie – well, there was no comparison. The time I spent with Ocie was much more rewarding and fun. Yes, I had more fun flying the B and O kite with Ocie than I did getting all spiffed up and dining in fine restaurants with the other woman. Can you imagine that?

I learned a lot from that comparison. It’s not what you do or how much you spend; it’s about who you are with. It doesn’t require a huge amount of money to have a good time. Can you imagine – one of the greatest dates of my life cost only $1.77! Realizing that launched our relationship to a new level. It helped solidify the fact that one day this woman would become my wife.

After we were married, Ocie and I began to counsel both married and pre-marital couples. I would often look back over experiences in my own life in an attempt to find that perfect teaching tool that would help bring about a connection. It became that kite. Each pre-marital couple I counseled was given a homework assignment. Go fly a kite. When they came back for their next counseling session, I would have them tell me about their experience. They would be racking their brain to figure out why I had told them to purchase and fly a kite. So, have you figured it out?

The conversation in the counseling session would go something like this:

So where did you get your kite and how much did you spend? Which of you selected the kite? Who put it together? Who held the string the first time? What are the three essential elements in flying a kite?

Let’s take a step back and look at each question individually. You might just learn something about your own relationship with your spouse.

So where did you get your kite and how much did you spend on it? It’s very interesting over the years to have seen how many couples purchased extremely nice kites while some made their own. I do not think there’s anything unique about buying one or making one, other than the fact that it does offer a few hints regarding the personality of the couple. Some obviously put a tremendous amount of time and effort into their kites. One couple worked together and made a six-foot kite. Some couples spent a tremendous amount of money on really nice kites from very nice outdoor recreational stores. You can already see the difference in couples. Some preferred to work hard and make the kite to their own personal specifications. Others were not as particular, preferring to focus on each other rather than things in their relationship.

Who selected the kite? This is important because it is interesting to see who is going to lead out in selecting the style. Would it be a frilly Barbie kite or a macho super hero kite? Would it be a beautiful kite or a manly kite? This is going to tell you a little about who operates or runs the check book. Who spends money in a practical fashion and who buys on a whim? Who is most determined to have their own way?

Who put the kite together? This question lets me know who is going to take a leadership role in the relationship. It also tells me whether or not they are able or willing to follow directions. Sadly, many times couples never established a good system in which they can work things out together.

Who held the string the first time? Again, this question helps probe into the couple’s ability to delegate and share responsibility. If the woman holds the string first, does that mean she will assume leadership in the marriage? Not so fast. What if the man insisted she go first? You can see where a wily counselor could have a field trip getting a couple to look at the way they responded to this simple question.

However, the real reason we have couples fly a kite can be found in the answer to this question: What are the three essential elements in flying a kite? Most couples eventually figure it out. The three basic needs for any kite flying are, of course, the wind, a properly constructed kite and the string.

Let’s began with the wind. You can’t see, taste, touch or smell the wind. Yet it is the power by which the kite flies. Of course, in my analogy the wind is going to represent God. It just makes sense that you would start with God. We know God is the One who created marriage in the first place. With that being said, it is important for each couple to understand that if God created marriage, then He has a plan and a purpose for the marriage. Without God, the real purpose of marriage will cease to exist. You remember me telling you about the couple who made the big, six-foot kite? They road on a four-wheeler to try to make it fly. They soon learned you need a lot of wind to make a six-foot kite fly. They obviously became over-focused on building their kite and over-looked the need for wind.

Many couples today try to build the perfect marriage. They turn everywhere from secular books, to magazines, different types of media, TV shows, movies and yet none of those things work. The author of marriage is God. We must turn to Him to answer the questions for our marriages. There is no getting around it. The basis of everything that I teach and everything I have experienced in marriage counseling is God, and the marriage manual is His Word. He created marriage in the first place. It doesn’t match up with our modern day idea but it is the truth by which I counsel.

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