Hanging by a Moment

By Eva Walker

Twenty-one year old Emma Horton is starting the year on a fresh note. Tired of being abandoned - first by her globetrotting parents and then by her boyfriend, Ethan Lockwood. Now in her final year of college, she comes up with a plan to avoid rejection - stay away from commitment by remaining single and concentrate on the only thing that deserves her attention, her studies.
Determined to stick to her rules, she has no idea what hits her when fate intervenes in the form of devastatingly handsome but troubled Luke Greyson, who enrols at Midland Falls University and turns her world upside down.
Unable to deny her attraction, she finds herself falling for him but unable to commit. Unlike her, Luke does not seem to have commitment issues. However, he does seem to have secrets that slowly start to unravel.
Will Emma be able to let go of her fears and give herself completely to Luke or will she let her past dictate her future?
Or will his secrets come between them and destroy their relationship?
And Luke will do anything for her to never find out...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Eva Walker
• Release date: Aug 2, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310351686

Eva Walker

As a young girl, I loved telling stories to keep my friends entertained. After earning my degree in Business and having worked for a few years in corporate, I decided to follow my real passion and start writing - romantic fiction. I firmly believe all stories should have a happy ending. I am a self-proclaimed coffee addict with a passion for good old-fashioned Southern food. When I am not locked away writing, I can be found reading, shopping and cooking up delicious treats to spoil my family with.

Book preview

My gray eyes are swollen and I can feel them stinging. My head hurts and I will for the pain to go away. I try to concentrate on watching the heavy rain hitting hard against the glass pane of the cottage window. Wrapping my arms tight around myself, I am reminded how the rain looks like little streams, as it rolls down the cold glass – just like the tears rolling down my hot burning cheeks.

Why does everyone I love leave me? I ask out loud, even though there is no one here to answer me.

I am all by myself.

Alone.

Once again.

Rejected by the people I love.

I clench my eyes shut. And try to mentally block out the sad story of my life. If only the last two years can be erased.

A sob escapes my lips, then another and another. This dreadful ache in my chest, this devastation – like a hundred knives twisting into my heart - I have never experienced before. The pain pounding through every organ of mine as I weep uncontrollably for the love I have lost. I can’t control the tremors rocking my body as I lose myself as the past comes flooding back.

Ethan was not supposed to leave me. We were together for two years... undoubtedly the best two years of my life. We planned on graduating Midland Falls University the following year together. And then we were going to move back to Manhattan... together. Everything was perfect and for the first time in my life I was happy and in love.

I loved Ethan with every cell in my body. He was my world, he was everything. But then fate intervened... again... and made sure he too was taken away from me. Forever.

And now here I am at MFU alone. With just my memories to remind me of what I once had.

I remember that day, that horrible devastating afternoon a few weeks ago - the events that left me crushed as my life changed and there was not a damn thing I could do. I was powerless to the forces of nature.

It all comes flooding back to me as if it were yesterday. I still remember every word we spoke and every painful ache. A day I would like to permanently erase from my memory. I never knew it was humanly possible to experience so much heart ache like I did on that one fateful day.

****

Having just finished our usual relaxing Sunday picnic at a park near our college, Ethan turns to look at me with a very troubled expression in his chocolate brown eyes. He is wearing the black Metallica T-shirt I got for him last Christmas. It always looked so good on him, fitting him snug around his broad chest and showing off his biceps perfectly.

Sitting across me on the bright yellow picnic blanket, he stretches his long muscular denim clad legs in front of him and crosses his ankles as he runs his hand through his ruffled dark blonde hair. I watch him as he shakes his head and chews on his bottom lip. He clenches his eyes shut as he sighs.

Opening his eyes, he looks disturbed. I know this look, I have seen it before... when something is bothering him. We have been together for two years and I have enjoyed every minute of being with him. Having always felt like I was missing something - apart from a real family - Ethan was like a gift from God. Always there for me, he made me feel like I belonged.

His voice is low when he speaks to me with the words that are to dismantle my life in a totally unexpected way. My dad’s got a transfer to Switzerland.

I am stunned into complete silence. All I can do is look at him with my eyes wide open, unable to say anything. I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.

Ethan’s relationship with his parents have been somewhat strained during his teen years, mostly due to him messing up in high school. The ultimate bad boy - alcohol, drugs and too much partying sent his life into a downward spiral for most of his teenage years. But that all changed when he lost his brother in a dreadful motor vehicle accident just before his senior year in high school. The painful shock of losing his best friend resulted in him taking stock of his life and he immediately grew up and matured. He finally agreed to see a therapist his family doctor recommended. And thanks to this therapist who assisted him to get his life sorted out and back on track.

And now to have his parents move off half way across the globe, I know it is not going to be easy for him. His relationship with his parents had improved significantly and they were pretty tight as a family over the last few years. And I was happy for him. But right now, I feel sorry for him.

I can only hope that their departure is not going to set him back. God I hope not.

Looking at his handsome face, I can see the turmoil in his brown eyes and it is plain to see how unhappy the situation has made him. His small family have been through enough heartache... having one son taken away from them unexpectedly and to leave another to move to a different continent. He continues to speak as I watch him. The next few words that come out of his mouth are all a blur as I am unable to process what he says.

And we are leaving at the end of next week.

What? My mind freezes on the word ‘we’ – surely he can’t mean himself. Oh God no! I want to scream but my voice seems to be stuck in my throat. I feel like a deflating hot air balloon as everything inside of me shrinks and all the air is being sucked out of me as I try to speak. Has my mind has just played an awful trick on me? I heard him incorrectly, I tell myself. That must be it.

I must have been quiet for way too long because I hear Ethan trying to coax a response out of me.

Say something. Em?

I lick my dry lips. This just cannot be happening. But one look at Ethan’s wounded expression and I know my worst fears are coming true.

I barely recognise the sound of my voice, it sounds so alien. Y-you’re leaving with them? I stutter.

Ethan rubs his face with his hands. Hey, we will still be in contact... we’ll talk every day, maybe twice a day. And we can Skype plus I can fly down during holidays. You won’t even realise how far away I am. He tries to play down the situation as best he can, making it sound like he’s just moving to another state and not another continent.

My mind is screaming at me... Switzerland is not a state in North America. I know this can’t be good. Everyone knows long distance relationships don’t last. And I know I’m going to lose him. The thought itself makes me feel like someone has ripped out my heart and chopped it up into a million pieces before soaking it with gasoline and setting it alight. Right here on the green grass as I watch it burn.

I feel my body trembling as I fix my gaze on him, the tears pricking the back of my eyes. That familiar feeling is back... as if I am being rejected again.

No! There has to be a way. I will not let this happen. I will fight. No, we will fight this together. And then a light goes off in my head.

But we are living in a dorm here, surely you can stay back. You can fly to Switzerland to visit your parents whenever. You don’t have to leave. I plead with him looking at every possible reason to keep him here with me. This sounds like a good plan and I am sure we can make this arrangement work.

He slowly uncrosses his ankles and stands up. He takes the three steps needed to stand in front of me. He holds out his hands in front of me to help me up.

I place my fingers in his large warm hands and grip them tightly, allowing him to pull me up, to stand in front of him with our faces inches apart. I know deep down in my broken heart that this is a battle I am going to lose. Hell I lost it even before I tried to win. Ethan will not do anything to jeopardise the relationship he worked so hard to build with his parents. Their approval means the world to him. And there is no way in hell they will leave him behind and move away.

But I have to at least try to reason with him. I don’t know how to survive without him. How do I go on?

During the two years I have known Ethan, I knew how much he wanted to reconcile his troubled relationship with his parents. He worked so hard over the last few years to rehabilitate himself and gain their acceptance. And now it was obvious, they have forgiven him for all his earlier bad behaviour. And most of all, his parents want him with them. Unlike mine.

Standing in front of me, cupping my face in his gentle warm hands, he looks at me with sad eyes. Em, you know how much I love you?

I nod. I can sense the ‘but’ hanging around here, even before he says it. I pray he doesn’t say it.

But I am ready to go home. I have been here for two years and yes... I do want to leave. His thumb gently strokes my face catching my falling tears. But I am not leaving you. He lowers his head to mine, touching our foreheads and looks into my eyes.

I can’t stop the tears that spill down my cheeks like little streams of rivers and his hands pull me closer into him until my head is resting against his hard muscled chest. He cradles me tightly and I hear the loud beat of his heart mirroring my own.

Em, I’ll always love you. He says gruffly. And I’ll be back for you. This is only temporary. His words meant to soothe me only make me cry harder, my body shaking violently against his. His arms tighten their hold almost possessively as he presses me into him.

Unable to change his mind, I give up trying.

We had just one week together before he had to leave. And I knew the right thing to do was to set him free... no matter how badly that was going to crush me, I had to do it. I had to find the strength to do it. He is bound to meet someone else and I do not want to stand in his way to finding true lasting happiness.

The least I could do was set him free now, instead of suffering more heart ache later. Just the thought of Ethan with someone else brings fresh hot tears to my hurt eyes. He holds me until I cannot cry anymore.

****

For the remainder of the following week we spent all our time with each other. On our second last day together and unable to bear it anymore, I suggest we go our separate ways. I lie to him telling him that it will be easier for me if we break up now so I will not miss him too much.

But Ethan refuses to hear me out. He insists that his going away is a temporary setback and that he will return to me.

I know better.

****

Finally, the day arrives and we say our last goodbyes. I watch as everything plays out like a slow motion movie – one that I’m starring in. Ethan’s parents arrive to pick him up and I watch their little family looking so happy together. Ethan however looks torn as his parents smile sadly at me.

I know deep down I have made the right decision even though every part of my body hurts and I feel totally devastated. I pray that Ethan made the right decision and that he will be happy. I pray that I will have the will power to survive this.

I remember when the limo left the yard. I remember running to my room crying hysterically. I remember my best friend slipping into bed beside me and cradling me the entire night. I remember crying myself to sleep that night.

As the days dragged on, so did I.

Chapter One

Present Day

Oh crap! This is so not the way to start a new semester. After Britney and I are awaken by Travis – more like dragged out of our beds - I had just enough time to shower and change into the first few clean items of clothing I could get my hands on this morning. My favourite baby pink sweater paired with my faded blue skinny jeans and Converse. In five minutes flat I coated my lips with a touch of pink lip gloss, applied mascara to my still sleepy eyes and tied my long brown straight hair into a ponytail -thank heavens I washed it last night. I was able to make myself look remotely presentable before rushing off to my next class.

And now I’m starving, my tummy not failing to remind me every few minutes with loud growls. For sure Mr Nichols, my Marketing professor, can hear the sounds from my tummy. He keeps shooting irritated looks in my direction as he goes on and on. Blah, blah, blah!

I must remember to stock up on Snickers, I think to myself as I glance at my watch again. I smile to myself and gently pat my tummy... another five minutes.

Brit and I rush out of class running straight into the empty cafeteria. We need to beat the rush of ever hungry students that are sure to follow within minutes. Having missed breakfast, we are both starving. Monday morning blues.

I mean what are the chances of both of us forgetting to set our alarm clocks, only to be rudely awaken by Travis, as he banged down on our dormitory door, as soon as he realised we were missing at breakfast.

The time it took us to shower, dress and pack our books into our bags, breakfast had long since passed and so did our first class of the day. Not that I mind. But my next class definitely requires a fully satisfied stomach. Starting Business Leadership on an empty tummy is not recommended.

Holding on dearly to our bright blue plastic trays carefully balancing our plates of macaroni and cheese and bottles of water, Brit and I make our way to our usual table, nestled in the corner alongside one of the white cafeteria walls. Brit takes her usual seat with her back to the wall and I occupy my usual seat, to her right.

The boys have their usual soccer meeting so the girls and I will be able to eat in peace, without one of them trying to steal the food from our plates... which happens like every day. I prefer to smack their fingers than share my food with them. Especially today... I could eat a horse!

Sitting back, I relax into the hard plastic coloured chair. I’m looking forward to devour the entire plate of creamy macaroni with an overdose of cheese. Yummy!

Jane soon joins us, her little frame occupying the seat at the head of the table and to the left of Brit. Her stunning heart shaped face is lit up like the Christmas tree at Times Square New York making it obvious to us that she has some interesting piece of news to share.

Jane is one of the most popular girls here at college and the one responsible for bringing Brit and I up to speed with all the local and not so local gossip. She is our very own grown up version of Gossip Girl.

Beaming at us, and winking her mischievous green eyes at me, she wastes no time revealing her latest news. Her slim fingers fan her face as if she is feeling hot. Did you see the new guy? Fucking g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s! She gushes, continuing to wave her hand in front of her super excited face, her green eyes dancing wild with excitement as she licks her pouty red lips at us.

Oh God! I groan inwardly. Not now Jane.

Rolling my gray eyes at her, I look down at my plate of creamy yummy deliciousness and I continue to eat, ignoring her as best I can. Food is all I care about now. Happy tummy means happy me.

As I chew my macaroni, I feel like I’m in foodie heaven. Nan never disappoints. She piled my plate with macaroni and cheese - enough to feed at least two people - that is the usual Monday lunch menu. Shoving a forkful of the rich dish into my mouth... hmm... lunch never tasted this good. Bless Nan and her amazing cooking talent.

But Jane ignores my disinterest in her news and continues blabbing away about her latest discovery. Brit, seated next to me on my left, sighs loudly and we both blank Jane out, concentrating on our first meal of the day and satisfying our hunger.

Brit and I have been best friends since kindergarten and remained close ever since. She begged her parents to send her to Midland Falls Boarding School when she heard I was being shipped off.

That was the best news I heard since my parents insisted on sending me there.

Their reason?

So they could continue travelling the world and not have to worry about leaving a child at home in the care of the nanny. Dad is a producer with the Discovery Channel which means constant globetrotting to amazing destinations and mom is his assistant which was how they met.

When I was younger I used to think they regretted having a child. Like it was the biggest mistake they made as it meant mom was not able to travel as much as she wanted to.

So instead of giving up her fabulous job, they came up with the brilliant idea of boarding school. Knowing I would be safe with a roof over my head and constant adult supervision. Meaning they could ride off into the sunset at the drop off a hat. How wise of my clever, self absorbing, globetrotting ‘parents’.

I hardly ever see them, which is something I’m used to these days. I am twenty one years old - I had enough time to get used to and enjoy the situation I find myself in.

However, when I was younger, it was much more difficult. Ask any ten- year old what it feels like to be abandoned by their parents because that was how I felt... like they abandoned me. And it was no fucking joke!

But as I grew up, I realised it was the best thing they ever did for me. I found it rather pleasant not having them interfere in my life, especially after hearing the constant complaints from friends whose parents bugged the shit out of them.

I eventually became the envy of my close group of buddies because I never had a curfew or got yelled at for stupid things like not tidying my room.

During weekends when we would go out clubbing, they had to return home by ten or be grounded. I could stay out as long as I wanted to and I did. Nobody dictated to me.

And every time my so called folks visited me - like twice a year - they would shower me with loads of presents thinking it would just make up for the time they spent away. Now don’t get me wrong I love the presents. What female would not love a closet packed with clothing, shoes and handbags by Louis Vuitton, Manolo Blahnik, Ralph Lauren, Tom Ford and every other designer under the sun? Not forgetting the overly generous bank balance to cater for all my needs.

But I would have preferred having parents around like Brit’s. Bless the Coopers. They cared for me and showered me with their love during holidays and special occasions... like I was their own child. Because that was how Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays and school holidays were spent - with my substitute family. The only family I know.

Being an only child like myself, Brit and I both craved for a sibling. I remember during one such holiday, when Brit and I were eight years old, she begged her parents to adopt me so we could be real sisters. And when that failed we snuck off to her bathroom that night and made a pin prick in both our small thumbs before pressing it together, bonding us for life. Blood sisters. Forever.

When Ethan left, Brit was at my side twenty four seven and was my rock every time I cried... which was everyday for about a month. After settling down and getting back to my so called life it was finals and then winter break.

Brit’s parents sent us for a week to the Hamptons where they own a palatial beach house.

It was the first time that it was just the two of us in the Hamptons without being chaperoned by her parents. Their gift to us for our straight A’s we received in our finals. We spent our time surrounded by sun, sea and lots of hot shirtless guys.

We managed to get part time jobs at one of the hotels that a family friend owns. And because Brit is so well connected we were invited to every major party in town. And yes we partied, totally non-stop.

And of course I did meet a few great guys. The Hamptons have them in rather large supply... tall, muscular and extremely good looking! But I was not looking for a serious relationship back then or now, not just yet anyway. I decided after Ethan left that I was going to concentrate on finishing school first.

I prefer the casual flings not that I indulge in too many of those. Just a single one night stand since Ethan left - happened when I was vacationing in the Hamptons. These days I prefer my BOB as my regular boyfriend. He will not leave me. Guaranteed.

I spent Christmas and New Years in Manhattan with Brit and her loving family. Thereafter the two of us left for our next stop which saw us flying off to Las Vegas. My parents bought us tickets to sin city and paid for a week stay at the Bellagio. This was their gift to us for our excellent results. We drank, ate, gambled and dressed to kill for a complete week and returned to Midland Falls at the beginning of this semester a couple thousand dollars richer and nicely tanned.

And now we are blood sisters in our last year of college at Midland Falls University. Both of us fell in love with this beautiful city - just an hour outside of New York City - the minute we arrived here to attend boarding school. MFU has one of the best business management programs in the country but getting in is not so easy.

Brit and both straight A students, managed to get in after we impressed the socks off the dean while still in high school. We were the only two out of hundreds of applicants that sent in a video recording detailing our motivation for attending the university. With a little help from my dad of course, we managed to provide an Oscar worthy performance describing why MFU was the best college for us and how we hoped to benefit from our education here. And as they say the rest is history.

So here we are, eating our lunch totally content with ourselves. At the same time Jane continues to babble away about some new hottie attending MFU.

Blah, blah, blah! She goes on.

There he is. She whispers, jerking her head of long red silky hair to her left, letting us know the new guy’s location in the now very crowded noisy cafeteria. She turns her silky mane in his direction. Fuck! He’s looking at us. Jane’s super excited voice brings me back to the here and now.

I frown as I look at her.

Turning towards us, she gives off her best Southern accent. Smile sweetly, ladies. And she winks at me again, earning an eye roll from me.

Whatever! I stuff another huge forkful of macaroni into my mouth.

Holy mother fucker! I think I just had an orgasm! Brit’s ecstatic declaration nearly chokes me and I splatter the last few bits of chewed pasta all over my plate.

What the fuck, Brit? I nearly choked to death. I cough out as Jane tosses me the paper napkins lying on the white table. I quickly wipe the last bits of food from my lips before picking up my water to take a sip.

Holy shit! I think he just impregnated me with one look! Brit mumbles, excitement clearly evident in her voice.

Before I can close my mouth, I spray my water all over my plate, flooding my pasta. Fucking hell! For fucks sake what’s dropped your panties? I snap at her grabbing more napkins and wiping the water that is dripping down my chin.

Didn’t you fucking see him? she blurts out.

I turn to look at her and find my normally composed best friend since kindergarten, with her large blue eyes so wide that I’m sure her eyeballs are going to pop out any second and her mouth hanging open. Her tongue is licking the floor. She is positively drooling.

Who? What? Where? I ask her, not bothered to hide the disinterest in my tone.

Brit does not waste a second, jabbing me in my arm. Ignoring my curse she continues. The new guy? Did you not see him already? Her soft hand cups my chin lightly, turning my face away from hers, to confront the object of their interest.

I stare head of me, searching for a new face. Finally I find him... actually I find part of him. All I can see is a bit of jet black ruffled hair. He is sitting with the soccer team at the far end of the cafeteria, their table directly opposite us. This is the area the boys occupy when they have their usual team meeting. Otherwise they sit with us. A player I guess.

His face is hidden behind Brad’s big broad back. I can stand up to get a better view but then how stupid I will look if someone catches me trying to check out the new guy. And that just screams D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E. And I’m not desperate and definitely have no interest in checking him out. Turning my attention back to my girls, they seem a bit more composed now as they wait for my response.

Jane’s lips are twitching with amusement. Is he fucking hot or what? She asks, raising one perfectly groomed eyebrow at me.

I shake my head at her. Nope, can’t see past Brad’s back. But you still got your panties on so he’s probably not that hot.

And before I know it, Jane is screaming across the cafeteria at Brad to get his attention. Brad, be a honey and bring me some hot sauce please. To strangers that would have sounded odd - like she is in a roadhouse calling out to a waiter - but Jane and Brad have been together since high school and are still going strong years later.

Big muscular Brad moves swiftly to answer the request from the love of his life. I turn to look in his direction as he approaches us. He grabs the bottle of hot sauce