How to be LOVED: from Dating to Mating

By Roy Sheppard

Personal development for single woman and men.
Develop your emotional literacy, self-awareness, self-esteem and confidence while breaking free from emotional slavery.
It achieves this by assisting you in recognising and breaking free from old habits and behaviors that may make you less appealing, while encouraging the adoption of new habits and behaviors that enhance your agreeability in social, professional, and intimate settings.
It’s for men and women of all sexual preferences, persuasions and religions who are looking for a long-term ‘serious’ relationship with another person, perhaps after years of ‘fun’ dating.
In the context of dating (which the author describes as “auditions for intimacy”), it starts with the simple question:
Why would anyone choose to stop their search for a long-term partner, once they’ve met YOU?
Especially in today’s online world where almost everyone is now only a click away from being the “ex” in “n-ex-t”.
Married, single or in a relationship, learn how to improve your Emotional Fitness by strengthening your Emotional Core: the four qualities that provide you with the emotional stability, flexibility and strength to make you as irresistible to a partner as they are to you.
Adopt and absorb life-changing wisdom, insights and practical ideas to improve your current relationship or prepare yourself for The One you have yet to meet. Includes a hundred plus Daily Stop & Start Reminders to help you to be The One. Starting today.
“I’ve read a lot of relationship books over the years. This one is different. I learned LOADS, especially about my emotional fitness. Thank you.” Nita
“I have been in a relationship for three years. He’s a lovely guy but I found myself feeling more and more irritated by him. I read this book and got a shock. I realised it was me not him. He’s The One. I now want to make sure I’m The One for him.” Emma
“I LOVE the Daily Stop and Start Reminders. What a great idea.” Becky
“...made me think about what I want from a long-term partner and how I can be a more considerate person to her too. All I have to do now is meet her!” Paul
“...very impressed by the amount of research. It’s a fabulous read and well thought out and structured... it certainly takes the reader on a voyage of self-discovery... for me it is your personal stories I particularly enjoyed.” Trish
"Whether you're single, married, coming out of a relationship, or just want to get on with people better, this will help...an inspiring new book" Bella Magazine
"This new book will teach you a whole new attitude - you'll be fighting the men off!" More! Magazine
"The self-help path to true love" Mail on Sunday YOU magazine.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Centre Publishing
• Release date: May 14, 2024
• ISBN: 9781783017997

Book preview

Table of Contents

EN-How to Be LOVED: From Dating to Mating

Reader Reviews

Preface

Chapter 1 - First-Class Choice

Chapter 2 - Project You

Chapter 3 - From ‘Me’ to ‘We’

Chapter 4 - Your ‘Emotional Core’

Chapter 5 - Full Esteem Ahead

Daily Stop and Start Reminders - Self-Esteem

Chapter 6 - Attitude

Daily Stop and Start Reminders - Attitude

Chapter 7 - Unhappiness Uncovered

Daily Stop and Start Reminders - Unhappiness

Chapter 8 - Happiness

Daily Stop and Start Reminders - Happiness

Chapter 9 - Kindness & Compassion

Daily Stop and Start Reminders - Kindness & Compassion

Chapter 10 - Intimacy

Stop and Start Reminders - Intimacy

Chapter 11 - TLC (Trust, Love & Commitment)

Stop and Start Reminders – Trust Love and Commitment

Chapter 12 - And Finally...

Thank you

About Roy Sheppard

How to Be LOVED: From Dating to Mating

by

Roy Sheppard

The paperback version of this eBook is entitled

How to Be The One

Published by Centre Publishing

Copyright © 2023 Roy Sheppard

This edition updated August 2023

ISBN: Paperback 978-1901534139

ISBN: Mobi 978-1901534324

Cover designed by Jeanine Henning www.jeaninehenning.com

Roy Sheppard has asserted his rights under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, to be identified as the author of this work.

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. It may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this eBook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this eBook and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Although every precaution has been taken in its preparation, the publisher and author assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein. Neither the author nor the publisher are qualified to give advice on legal or financial matters. Readers are reminded always to consult with appropriate professional advisers on all such matters. This eBook is provided as information only.

All trademarks and copyrights acknowledged.

Reader Reviews

This eBook How to be LOVED: from Dating to Mating and the original paperback How to be The One are exactly the same books. Below are unsolicited reviews by readers of both titles.

SandieM

5 stars – Great Advice

Initially from the title of the book I wasn't sure about reading it but was really glad I did!

The book is full of lots of sensible advice on how to live your life, and not just about attracting a mate (or being the one!), and how to be the best (and most content) person you can be, for your own benefit and that of others too. And when you are that person then you will attract the best partner for you, or strengthen the relationship you already have.

This book looks at how relationships have changed with practical advice on how to be self -confident, happy and emotionally strong and create wonderful, trusting and long lasting partnerships.

Easy to understand and straight forward to implement, it is well worth a read.

Sagar House

5 stars Helping to explain past relationships as well as prepare for the future

The book helped me improve relationships in general, not just romantic ones. It helped clarify why things hadn’t worked out in the past and foresee whether or not new relationships have a chance or not. It was recommended to me by a past lover and we are now good friends that enjoy particular activities together but recognise we are not suitable intimate partners and can’t be The One for each other.

JulieS

4 stars Love it – no pun intended

This book gives a really good and straightforward perspective on being and looking for 'the one'. The emphasis on 'How to be' is a good reminder to us all to take a good look at ourselves - being an expert on everyone else is probably very familiar to many of us. The book is also scattered with stories that bring to life the perspectives and thoughts offered. I read the book on holiday and wasn't embarrassed to be seen with it on the plane or by the pool! With internet dating - and the many other ways of meeting and communicating with others these days - this book is especially relevant for today.

Akil Muhangi

5 stars Very good premise

This book takes a good stance. If you want someone of quality, you have to make sure you are of quality too, so that when you meet you will be on the same level, and can continue growing together. When two people meet and aren't on the same level, it is easy to say that one can help bring the other up, but it can be difficult (I'm speaking from experience) and taxing if you are the one trying to better the other person. You can want it so much for them, but if they are not ready to improve (or don't want to), it's not going to happen. Then you have to decide if you can take them as they are, or search for someone closer to you.

This book is good for anyone who wants a caring, mutually beneficial relationship. Those who want to improve will find copious amounts of information and suggestions. And someone who is looking for a better partner for themselves will be able to better recognize the good qualities in themselves and how to recognize them in another person.

JF

5 stars

A book that everybody should read- insightful and supportive written in a genuinely sympathetic manner.

Preface

This ebook aims to improve your dating success to find (and keep) a high-calibre partner for a long-term relationship: but it’s not about ‘dating’. 

This is personal development for singles. It’s about YOU; helping you develop your emotional literacy, self-awareness, self-esteem and confidence while breaking free from emotional slavery.

It guides you in identifying, and changing old habits and behaviours that make you less appealing and adopt new habits and behaviours that make you more agreeable to others; socially, professionally and intimately.

It’s for men and women of all sexual preferences, persuasions and religions who are looking for a long-term ‘serious’ relationship with another person, perhaps after years of ‘fun’  dating.

In the context of dating (which I describe later as auditions for intimacy), it starts with the simple question:

Why would anyone choose to stop their search for a long-term partner, once they’ve met YOU?

A key message throughout is a simple one, although it’s easier to say than do. If you really want a long-term, meaningful relationship with the best, you have to be prepared to put at least some effort into being the best for them too; whether you’ve yet to meet them or not.

Every athlete is aware of their ‘Core’. Core muscles reside deep inside the pelvis, lower back and abdomen. Athletes know how critically important these muscles are to their physical stability, flexibility and strength. All top-level training programmes include a regime to develop an athlete’s ‘Core’.

For the first time, this book introduces the concept of your Emotional Core. This consists of four core emotional qualities that help develop your emotional stability, flexibility and inner-strength. A strong and robust Emotional Core effectively protects your heart, and even your soul. The best relationships can be truly transformational, but we all know that a bad one can also be so devastating. For many, the pain of previous relationships exacts a high price. They feel unable or unwilling to surrender to the sheer joy of a relationship – just in case it doesn’t work out and they end up ‘falling apart’. So they enter all relationships (especially those they think could be significant ones) in a highly defensive manner. However, a strong Emotional Core that has been developed over time, gives you the inner strength to know that even if you get injured emotionally, you are more likely to be able to cope effectively and also recover far more quickly. (This is precisely how athletes benefit following injury when they have a strong physical core.)

As you will discover, a stronger ‘Emotional Core’ has the potential to provide you with a deeper level of inner wisdom, a quiet self-confidence and a realisation that you do not need to be a slave to your emotions. This self-awareness will make you more appealing to yourself as well as to others – and being more emotionally literate, you’ll be better equipped to make decisions about who you choose as a future partner.

2023 research by Bumble, the dating app people found that 74% of single men are now seeking a deeper understanding of their own emotions, with 38% talking more openly about their emotions with male friends and 49% agreeing that breaking gender roles in dating and relationships is beneficial for them too. Such men should find later chapters on strengthening their ‘emotional core’ of particular relevance and help. So if you know any men (single or otherwise) who would be open to learning more about their emotions and emotional health and wellbeing, don’t keep this book a secret – tell them about this book.

The original paperback version of this book was called "How to be The One". It sold out. When it was originally published, the book received international media coverage in many magazines including YOU, the UK’s largest circulation women’s supplement in the Mail on Sunday newspaper as well as CNN in the US because it took this new approach to understanding yourself better and how that impacts your dating success and why, in the past you may have been attracted to people who were not good for your long-term happiness.

All too often, whenever there is any discussion about relationships the focus is invariably on the differences between the sexes. There are so many books, magazine articles, and radio and TV programmes on the subject. Some are downright divisive, driving an even deeper wedge between the sexes. Only last night while waiting for a train I saw a beautiful young woman. She was reading a particular book which promised to ‘help’ female readers become a ‘bitch’ (because that, apparently, is what men want!) I’m guessing she simply wanted someone to want her. We all do. But being nasty to other human beings is hardly likely to bring lasting happiness to anyone.

Bookshelves groan under the weight of books that explain how to get more dates or offer under-handed, dirty tricks and manipulative techniques readers can use to get their ‘prey’ to want them more, whether for casual sex or for marriage. Some of these books boast sales in the millions and countless marriages as a result of their rules and deceitful techniques. The authors are less forthcoming about how many of those marriages actually ended in painful divorces for everyone, including countless innocent children.

Techniques to manipulate another individual may indeed work in the short term – but any relationship based on this type of behaviour cannot and will not last. How to Be LOVED is not like those books. In these pages you will find hundreds of ways to become, without any manipulation or trickery, the sort of person another genuine man or woman would choose, and want to keep as a lifelong partner.

As we’re explore in more detail later, looking ‘hot’ or ‘cool’ is certainly exciting. However, being ‘warm’ can appear boring by comparison. Yet, its shared warmth in a relationship that gives it longevity.

Invariably, when relationships break down, it’s the warmth that is lost; replaced by an intensely cold shield that’s designed to offer ‘protection’ from emotional pain. Cold determination not to get hurt is often the priority. Sadly, it doesn’t always work.

So, in a gender-neutral way, let’s concentrate on the similarities and shared relationship aspirations of men and women of all ages and backgrounds. It has therefore been created following extensive collaboration with a team of men and women, both single and married. Rather than taking a group of women into a room and men into another and then talking to them separately about what the other sex doesn’t understand or consistently fails to get right, please think of this book as the equivalent of bringing men and women together into the same room, and discussing together how each gender can better understand the needs, fears and dreams of the other.

Doing this, it is hoped that everyone can gain more clarity about what men and women look for in a long-term partner, and what YOU can do to become that person, whether for your existing partner, or for that special someone you have yet to meet. You may also become a far more appealing person to yourself. How to Be LOVED is therefore very definitely for men AND women.

If you’re currently single, use this time to get yourself ready for the time when you meet that special person.

If you’re in a relationship, please read it together and use it as the basis for discussions about how you can become emotionally closer.

Either way, think of it as part of your relationship personal development programme. Make notes if your eBook device allows you to do so. Or use a separate notepad. Answer the questions. Do the exercises. Do whatever it takes to absorb the most relevant ideas. A tiny improvement today can have massive and positive effects in the longer term. And when you add together a lot of small improvements, the benefits are even greater. A ship that alters its course by only one degree will, over time, end up in a totally different place. So can you. And it will be a better place.

We all seem to know what we need to do, but we don’t do even the basics? In many cases the reason is simple – we simply forget.

At the end of each Emotional Core section, you will find a series of daily Stop and Start Reminders to help you integrate new thoughts and behaviours into your life. You don’t have to do any of them. Really. Because if you agree with any of what you read, and then think and feel it’s a chore to make adjustments in your behaviour and attitude, you won’t do it. You might start with good intentions but it probably won’t last. However, if you choose to make the Reminders a part of your future life, you will benefit more from the rest of what’s in this book.

Many of the ideas are so simple. When taken on their own, they may appear fairly small and insignificant. But add them all together, and apply them over time and they become a powerful and potent way to be far more appealing to others. The more you remind yourself to make even small improvements on a daily basis, the more likely it will be that these actions will become new and beneficial habits. Repeated often enough, in time your brain learns to do them unconsciously. They become permanent improvements.

So just play with any of the ideas that get triggered. Play around with what you learn and what you choose to do. Carry it around with you. Dip into it on a regular basis. Then once you’ve read it, you might want to make appointments in your diary to skim-read the book again weekly, or in a month’s time, then a month or two after that. One more thing - please don’t ever beat yourself up about anything you read.

On that basis, you are invited to be The One for that special person you have either yet to meet, or perhaps you’ve already met – and you’d like them to choose to stay in your life forever. If you find what you read particularly thought-provoking and helpful, please discuss it with family, friends and partners. Be free to disagree. Use it as a springboard towards a better future for you. And for them.

I believe that everyone has all the answers. Seriously. But in many cases they aren’t asking the most helpful questions.

Most people get ‘stuck’ sometimes. Often this is because they keep asking themselves the same unhelpful questions. An unhelpful relationship question could be Will I EVER find ‘The One’? A more helpful alternative could be I wonder what I could do right now, to increase the chances that I do meet ‘The One’ – and they feel the same way about me?

That’s what you’ll find here – lots of new, empowering questions to stimulate new thoughts and better options. Sometimes it can take just one breakthrough question that really hits home to have a miraculous and magical impact. Imagine how valuable it would be to you if you found a lot of really great questions here. With an open mind, you just might. And you might even find yourself being able to answer them.

Conflict is a natural part of most relationships. However, knowing how to resolve differences is rarely taught. You’ll find a lot of practical ideas in Chapter 10 about the different elements of ‘intimacy’.

You might be asking Who are you to be writing this book? Well, for the past 30 years I have earned a