The Nether Mind: 33 Flash Fiction Stories

By E.A. Wicklund

The nether reaches of E.A. Wicklund's mind play host to 33 hilarious and bizarre flash fiction stories. Fans of Humor, Science Fiction, and Urban Fantasy will enjoy these short but fun tales. In this volume you will find things like

- When magic returns to the world, a do-it-yourself spell caster finds a spell on the internet. Things go wrong from there in "The Wonderful Wolfen."
- A pair of rednecks go hunting and become the hunted in "Survival of the Scaredest."
- A little bird flies into a fireplace and discovers the disadvantages of self-starting charcoal in, "Lousy Charcoal."
- A rapper learns a painful lesson from sweet Jenny in "One Thing Better."

Many more stories, and two limericks, may be found in the strange and wonderful tales of: The Nether Mind.

• Language: English
• Publisher: E.A. Wicklund
• Release date: Oct 6, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310089299

E.A. Wicklund

Raised in Illinois for half my life, I lived the second half in the San Francisco Bay area. I've been writing off and on for most of it. I've been a fan of Science Fiction, Techno-Thrillers, and Urban Fantasy as soon as I could read. My greatest influences in writing are Ray Bradbury, Arthur C. Clarke, Gordon R. Dickson, Robert Sheckley, Charles DeLint, Terry Pratchett, and Neil Gaiman.My passion is Scifi but I love a good laugh too. In my stories I like to bring both into play. I love the strange, fascinating, and funny all rolled into one. I want to be known as the Gary Larson of Flash Fiction.

Book preview

Introduction

Within this book are 33 flash fiction stories to thrill and delight. These tales of Science Fiction and Speculative Fiction are suitable for that pause between commercials, that distraction during a break at work, or that little something just before bed time.

I hope you enjoy this collection. In my opinion, flash fiction should always finish with a bang, a pop, an aha, or an ooh. After each story I hope you laugh or smile or at least nod your head in satisfaction. For me, this is the charm of the literary form of flash fiction.

People often ask me where I get all my crazy ideas. My only answer is that they come from the nether reaches of the mind. Thus, the title of this book. The Nether Mind is that poorly defined place that rests between the conscious and the sub-conscious, that time at dusk where it is neither day nor night. It is the fuzzy border where anything can happen, and all is possible. Lean back with your tablet or Kindle and imagine yourself beneath a tree. Prepare to meet the unusual, the fantastic, and the outright silly. Steel yourself for an encounter with The Nether Mind.

The Junior Member

On a wide field in an undisclosed location, four members of SCREAM (Scientists Club for Resurgent Evil Against Mankind) stood before the club’s leader, Dr. Sin. His cybernetic leg whirred and his laser eye tracked across the contestants. Welcome to the annual weapons trials, gentlemen, announced Dr. Sin. This year, the goal is to create the biggest bang from the smallest weapon. The two contestants shall…

Three, sir,

What, Lackey?

It’s Langley, sir, said the mousy Langley, adjusting his misaligned, thick glasses.

Whatever.

I am competing this year too.

Dr. Sin waved dismissively, Yes, of course. First up, Professor Malignant. Proceed.

Malignant sat in his powered chair and grinned evilly. Observe, he said, and withdrew a silver pistol, aiming it at a battle tank down field. A flash of light, and the tank was cleanly cut in half.

Heroditus Cain stepped forward. Tubes emerged from his backpack and fed exotic nutrients into his limbs, making them bulge enormously. He hoisted a complex cylinder to his shoulder and fired it at the next tank, cutting a wide swath of destruction through the armored behemoth.

Excellent! exclaimed Dr. Sin. This competition is now over. We shall…"

Not yet, sir, squeaked Langley. He beamed and held up a vial of pearlescent fluid. It’s my turn.

Dr. Sin snatched the vial away and held it in his cybernetic right arm. This, Lackey?

Langley, Sir.

Whatever. This is no evil weapon. This… He crushed the vial and ooze flowed out, …is useless! What was it supposed to be?

Nanites, sir, quaked Langley. Designed to consume metal.

Dr. Sin gulped as a gray cloud enveloped him. The cloud blew downrange and dissolved the four remaining battle-tanks, missile launcher, and a flamingo lawn decoration. When the cloud of nanites cleared, Sin’s metal leg, arm, and laser eye had been eaten away. He sprawled on the ground in a pile of white dust. You idiot! He screamed.

It was meant for the targets, sir, stammered Langley.

Impressive, said Cain. Clearly, he wins this round.

Dr. Sin glared at Cain.

Cain shrugged. He did destroy four tanks with impressive stealth and a very small weapon.

Grudgingly, Dr. Sin acquiesced. Fine! Now help me up, Lackey.

It’s Langley, Sir.

Whatever.

Crimefighter

It’s now day 357 since I got stuck. Not stuck on an island or in a crashed plane in the arctic or anything BORING like that. I’m stuck in the shape, of a werewolf.

It was fun, just being a dog for a while, and chewing the occasional tennis ball. But I was a freak. Without the ability to revert to human form, my human side could only express itself through my mind. Over time I ceased craving the hunt, and started craving a Big Mac with fries. I missed listening to Audioslave and just rocking out. Six months into being stuck, my human thought pattern had returned almost completely, although fire hydrants still make me want to pee.

I started living in an abandoned building near the edge of town. It was a convenient location. Pizza guys drove past all the time. Whenever I got hungry I just stepped into the road and terrified a delivery guy out of his pizza. You gotta love a