Paranoia in the Launderette
3.5/5
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About this ebook
From the Oscar-nominated screenplay writer of the British cult classic Withnail & I
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The basis for the film A Fantastic Fear of Everything, this black comedy novella tells the story of a writer who has become gripped by paranoia as a result of researching serial killers, and who has a phobia of launderettes. A call from his literary agent, a possible plot on his life and a disastrous trip to the launderette ensue.
This satirical, darkly comic journey into the mind of an eccentric psychotic etches at the heart of fear itself.
Bruce Robinson
Bruce Robinson is the director and screenwriter of Withnail & I, How to Get Ahead in Advertising, Jennifer 8, and The Rum Diary. He has also written the screenplays for The Killing Fields, Shadow Makers (released in the US as Fat Man and Little Boy), Return to Paradise, and In Dreams. He is the author of The Peculiar Memories of Thomas Penman, Paranoia in the Launderette, and two books for children, The Obvious Elephant and Harold and the Duck, both illustrated by Sophie Windham. He lives in London.
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13 ratings1 review
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Well written and very funny.
Book preview
Paranoia in the Launderette - Bruce Robinson
Paranoia in the Laundrette
I had been carrying a carving knife around with me for three weeks due to an irrational fear of being murdered. I couldn’t sleep at night. As soon as I got into bed I started seeing killers − usually a nose or a toecap of a killer’s boot disappearing round the bed-room door. These killers were always on the move. One night I said, ‘Oy,’ as I caught sight of a killer’s top-hat coming in at knee-height at the end of the bed. I started to sleep in an upright position with the light on. But my vigilance made them crafty and since then they kept low-profile in the hall, crawling around on their hands and knees or coming in at a stoop to avoid being seen . . .
I became particularly frightened of a man I called the Beetle. He wore a black cloak, a top-hat, and appeared the instant I shut my eyes to sleep. The Beetle was a poisoner and knife man. His smile was dreadful, and coupled with his cloak and toecaps he kept me awake for a week. Three or four times a night I’d spot him moseying around behind the crack in the door and I’d have to get up and creep along the corridor between the kitchen and the living room looking for him behind the sofa and in the airing cupboard. I also looked for him under the bed in case he’d slipped in while I was looking in the refrigerator. I was so convinced of his presence I even looked for him in the oven, expecting to find him crouched and ready to spring out as I opened the door . . .
Because of the Beetle I started carrying the carving knife. This fear that I would be murdered began with my decision to write a series of plays for the television set called Decades of Death. The nature of the project necessitated research into heinous Victorian criminals and I had unwittingly familiarised myself with all the famous hackers, dosers and severers of the nineteenth century. My bedroom was piled with volumes about brutes. I had photographs of mass-murderers