Are You Really Happy? Understanding Ourselves.

By Ramise

Inside this book, you will find easy to grasp ideas and stepping stones to consciousness, including examples of how the author, Ramise, healed dysfunctional patterns in her own life. Guided journal work is also encouraged to assist awareness development. Written in a concise, gentle and profoundly honest manner, ‘Are You Really Happy? Understanding Ourselves,’ is the journey home.
Ramise was severely bullied as a child and at age seventeen, struggling with depression, had a nervous breakdown. While in a psychiatric ward, she began to observe how easily she absorbed and expressed other people’s emotions. This lead to an ever increasing passion with self enquiry. She began to realise a much larger picture of what was possible, if only she could remain conscious...
In her early thirties suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, she left mainstream society. Determined to heal, her self awareness training became her primary focus. Ramise came to understand why we as humans, become trapped by our emotions and how we can heal ourselves.
Learning to listen to her intuition and inner dialogue, she studied her personal traumas and developed processes to bring her awareness into present moment consciousness. This connected Ramise with the journey everyone longs to take - the journey home. ‘Home is not out there, it lies within, it is our birthright and it is within each individual’s grasp.’
Ramise say’s, ‘I was a neurotic basket-case, constantly living in a high level of stress. The mental, emotional and physical pain in my body forced me to take the inward journey. Living in the now is a wonderful release into a place of peace I never imagined existed.’
This is the journey you sign up for once you realise that you are not happy with the way you are living your life. When nothing you do, buy or consume fills that empty place inside you.
... ‘These things I write about come from my own experiences and from listening to other people. I now realise if I’ve felt love, fear, anger, comfort and happiness, then most likely my fellow humans have also felt these feelings and, if I’ve had problems trying to work things out, maybe I’m not the only one.
If I was in love, I was drugged out on the intense feelings. Joy, depression, sadness, paranoia, anger, you name it, I got lost in that emotion. We can learn to stand back from our feelings and reactions, and ask ourselves the questions that enable us to learn and grow. Every emotional reaction I’ve ever felt has a cord linked back to its own source. Part of my journey has been to find and heal the origin of emotional drama and work on improving my relationship with myself, hence improving my relationships with others.’
Let the information in this book wash over you. You may only be able to read a very small amount at a time. Small doses are okay. This book is about the journey of life. One step at a time, one day at a time, one thought at a time. You may read one idea and want to cogitate on it, that’s fine.
Living a spiritual life is not separate from the everyday life we live. We can bring spirit into every moment of our lives if we choose to make the one hundred per cent commitment to our spiritual pathway. If you read this book having made that intention, your life will change.
Throughout the text, I have explained how I resolved my own problems. I’ve often sought the assistance of a professional therapist when life has felt too difficult to navigate on my own. You may come to realisations where you need assistance to process the information and emotions that arise for you, your doctor may have a list of counsellors or therapists they can recommend.
Self discovery, is the journey home.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ramise
• Release date: Nov 28, 2015
• ISBN: 9780987402813

Ramise

Ramise has been writing for over twenty years, using it as a way to survive CFS and heal. She’s had poems, an article and a short story published in various Australian publications and also performed her standup poetry and comedy in front of audiences in the Northern Rivers Region and the Mid North Coast of N.S.W. Australia.Ramise self published the first edition of ‘Are You Really Happy? Understanding Ourselves’ in 2004.

Book preview

After hearing me on my soapbox over the years, various friends suggested I write a book. Here it is, my thoughts and feelings to share with you. You may not like them all. Some may make you laugh. If this book prods you, then I’ve done my bit. Take what you like and leave the rest. Blessings.

* * *

This is the journey you sign up for once you realise that you are not happy with the way you are living your life. When nothing you do, buy or consume fills that empty place inside you.

These things I write about come from my own experiences and from listening to other people. I now realise if I’ve felt love, fear, anger, comfort and happiness, then most likely my fellow humans have also felt these feelings and, if I’ve had problems trying to work things out, maybe I’m not the only one.

I consider myself to be a student of life and therefore all my experiences are lessons to be learnt. If the same lesson keeps appearing in my life, I stop and ask myself: what it is that I need to learn? I didn’t always think so simply and clearly. There was a time when every emotion, every drama swallowed me up completely, no matter how big or small.

If I was in love, I was drugged out on the intense feelings. Joy, depression, sadness, paranoia, anger, you name it, I got lost in that emotion.

As I grew older I found these constant ups and downs exasperating. Why was every feeling so overwhelming? Maybe everybody does not feel emotions to the extent that I do, but I certainly see evidence that people get overwhelmed by their emotions. Somehow, feelings tend to put us right up there, or get us down. I’ve learnt that life doesn’t have to be like that.

We can learn to choose what we experience on an emotional level and still know that our emotions are not us and we are not our emotions. Emotions are there to tell us something but they are not the totality of life.

Life is a journey back to The Source of all there is -God or Universal Love or however you decide to relate to your own sense of the spiritual. The invitation is open to all of us. We can make a choice to fill ourselves and our daily life with material things but, if we are prepared to be honest with ourselves, there is still a feeling that something is missing.

Alternatively, we can learn to stand back from our feelings and reactions, and ask ourselves the questions that enable us to learn and grow.

For example, there is no need to keep choosing relationships that make us unhappy and assume that’s what love is all about. That’s what I did. I couldn’t see past the role models I had on the screen and in books - where lovers are either in seventh heaven or they are going through hell. I thought that’s what love was all about so that’s what I manifested. It was not fun.

After a few unhappy relationships, I really had to question what I was looking for in love. My motives were all wrong. I was looking for the mother I felt I never had. My mother was not physically affectionate towards me and I grew up believing that she was only tolerating me. Therefore I looked for women who appeared to demonstrate motherly qualities.

I was looking for the father who would never abandon me as I thought my father had. I was looking for the relationship that was happy, one hundred percent of the time. I wanted to feel the love drug happiness all the time, and when I didn’t, I thought there was something terribly wrong.

Every emotional reaction I’ve ever felt seems to have a cord linked back to its own source. Part of my journey has been to find and heal the origin of emotional drama and work on improving my relationship with myself, hence improving my relationships with others.

In my search for answers, I found Al-Anon (a Twelve Step program for daily living with a spiritual basis, set up to support family and friends of substance abusers). I used the program as a foundation on which to build an understanding of myself.

Many of us will relate to the man who said: ‘I want to be enlightened, I just don’t want to do the work.’ Consider the word ‘work’ as conscious play with your unconscious. In your journey with this book you will find questions that prompt you to think and feel. Take time to reflect on these questions. I would also encourage you to buy a notebook in which to do the journal work included in this book. Although thinking about the questions can assist you, the process of writing down your thoughts, feelings and reactions can give you more clues to your inner landscape.

Let the information in this book wash over you. You may only be able to read a very small amount at a time. Small doses are okay. This book is about the journey of life. One step at a time, one day at a time, one thought at a time. You may read one idea and want to cogitate on it, that’s fine.

You will be clearing toxins out of your system as you gain realisations about your life and clear the trauma. Please remember to drink enough water to flush out your system (at least 2 litres). If you take chlorophyll and a little juice in the water it will assist to hydrate your body and clean it.

Living a spiritual life is not separate from the everyday life we live. We can bring spirit into everything if we choose to make the one hundred per cent commitment to our spiritual pathway. If you read this book having made that intention, your life will change.

Throughout the text, I have explained how I resolved my own problems. I’ve often sought the assistance of a professional therapist when life has felt too difficult to navigate on my own. You may come to realisations where you need assistance to process the information and emotions that arise for you, your doctor may have a list of counsellors or therapists they can recommend.

My intention is to live in my highest truth at every moment of the twenty-four hours I have in this day, and you can bet I’m not perfect but I know that whatever is happening, it’s for a reason that is perfect for me.

The Perfect Is.

Self discovery, is the journey home.

READ FURTHER ONLY

IF YOU ARE WILLING

TO TAKE FULL

RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF,

TO GROW AND RELEASE ALL

PATTERNS THAT NO

LONGER SERVE YOU

FOR YOUR HIGHEST GOOD.

ABOUT THE JOURNAL WORK

Allow yourself the opportunity to work with this book as it works with you. Take the time to do the journal work thoroughly. By writing down your answers to these questions you will activate a greater awareness of yourself. This will in turn simplify and illuminate your passageway.

There are no wrong answers. To compare your work with another is to fail yourself. Only you know if you’re being honest with yourself, only you know your way through your process. The questions are meant to work as stepping stones, to provide you with your hidden tools to self realisation.

Regard your journal as confidential, it’s not open for criticism or discussion unless you choose to share it. Keep it to look back on or burn it when you’ve finished. The fruits of your exploration will be within.

If you are censoring what you write you are blocking your gems. Write down what your censor wants to say and then write down the real story.

The realisations you have from your journal work will assist you in making changes and taking the steps you need to take to find your authentic self.

You might need to read the questions, then put the book down or read on through the chapters letting the awareness of your answers, rise of their own accord.

Give yourself time to reflect after each step you take.

Enjoy your journey!

* * *

CHAPTER 1

NEW CONCEPTS

Beyond your present reality

In order for us to explore beyond what you presently know and understand about yourself, I will explain a few concepts that may be unfamiliar to you. Please don’t let it put you off, as you will be learning new techniques to go beyond your present limitations.

CONSCIOUSNESS

We can learn to live consciously, which means we are free to make choices in our lives about how we live, or we can continue to live unconsciously, never feeling like we are in control of our lives or the experiences we have.

There will be lessons in our lives no matter which we choose but the difference is that when we live consciously we can step out of victimhood. Our thoughts are the ones we choose to think. This means we can live in accordance with attitudes that uplift our experiences of life no matter what happens.

Living unconsciously we will always remain in a place where, at certain times, we feel completely powerless. We still have our happy moments but the heaviness of a life lived unconsciously far out weighs the happy moments.

If you make the choice to live consciously it means you will live in the here and now. The past is past; the future is still to be. Only by living in the present moment can we live the effective and happy lives we all long for.

Living unconsciously means we are living either in the past or the future but never here and now. This is because we have learnt from childhood that the here and now is ‘too painful’.

SCRIPTS

A script is generally an unconscious dysfunctional belief about ourselves set in place from experiences we had as children, such as, ‘I am never heard’. We come to believe these scripts about ourselves in our relationships to other people or in certain situations. Examples: ‘I am never good enough’, ‘I am lazy’, ‘I’m a bad mother’, ‘I will never be successful’, ‘The people I love always leave me’. You will probably find as you work through this book that you’ll have one or two major life scripts from which subscripts filter off. From not feeling heard, I also concluded: no one ever listens to me, therefore, I’m not good enough. A script is a negative belief about ourselves that keeps us in a place of dysfunction.

CHARGE

Often related to anger, a charge is the built up emotional energy you have inside your body pertaining to a particular script. It is the energy that comes out in the way you react to certain events in your life. For example: If people didn’t appear to be listening to me, I felt angry and agitated. A charge can also be related to things that upset you in other ways, to cause you to cry or experience anxiety. A charge can often be detected in the tone of someone’s voice or their body language.

BUTTONS

When you have your buttons pressed it simply means you are having your scripts activated.

You may hear people using the phrase: ‘He presses my buttons’. When a button gets pushed, your script is triggered and you have a reaction, you feel the emotional charge. For example: In high school my button was pressed when a friend kept interrupting me and not listening to me. I got upset, I wasn’t being heard. I felt so angry with this person that I picked her up and pushed her against the wall with her legs dangling in the air. I threatened her with a sound bashing and then dropped her and walked off. It was the charge in my body that enabled me to pick up someone who was heavier than me. The button she pushed was that she was not listening to me which triggered my frustration and that led to my script of ‘I am never heard’.

STUFF

‘Stuff’ is the word used to define everything that is our responsibility. Our emotional reactions, our personal liabilities, our responsibilities as adults in society. ‘I realise it is my stuff and I can’t blame it on her’. If we are having a reaction, it is our reaction, it is our stuff.

CAUSAL EVENTS

A causal event is a significant experience in your life that influenced you to create a belief about yourself. When we are unconscious in our lives, causal events are associated with experiencing pain whether it be emotional, mental or physical. The memory of these events may fade from our minds but the pain associated with these events is locked into our cells until we consciously release the pain by remembering the causal event and expressing the associated emotions. Our minds automatically protect us from these painful memories until we are strong enough to deal with them.

From my healing process I’ve learnt that if these painful memories are not addressed and healed, they eventually cause disease.

BLAH

Going ‘blah’ I define as unedited verbal expression of your feelings. Usually done with a trusted friend who can remain impartial and listen to you respectfully or as a journal process. I have found it essential to my journey to find blah partners where we have an agreement that we can unload our stuff without the other person picking it up. In this way we can hear what’s going on for us and we receive validation of our experiences by someone else just listening. Your blah partner can listen and give you feedback if you ask for it.

PROJECTION

When we choose to attribute our characteristics or disabilities to others we are projecting onto them. We don’t see our own ‘failures’ or successes. We can see this when we blame others for our miseries. We unconsciously choose to remain powerless and shift blame for our lives onto others. This projection also happens when we view other people’s talents or success. We may find ourselves thinking, ‘I wish I could do that’. We can look longingly at others’ creative talents and never even begin the search to find our own creative genius.

Below are some journal questions to find out your present relationship to experiencing happiness. If you can’t connect with any sense of happiness just write down whatever you are feeling without editing it.

Journal Work 1

1. Describe what the word happiness means for you.

2. How does happiness feel inside you?

3. What are you doing when you are feeling happy?

4. In order for you to be experiencing happiness right now what is it that you would like to be doing in your life?

CHAPTER 2

THE FEELING BODY

Our whole body is an instrument of perception

It is not until we allow ourselves to feel our true feelings, that we can do something about them. So that we can feel our feelings, we must become aware of how our bodies feel from the inside out.

BACK INTO THE FEELING BODY

1. Breathe

Become aware of your breathing. Where do you breathe to in your body? Your chest? Your ribcage? Your abdomen? Early in my healing journey, breathing was painful if I let air into my body any lower than the top part of my chest.

You can practise the yogic technique of Complete Breath to start using your lungs properly:

1. Lie down and exhale. Place your hands on your abdomen over your navel with your fingertips touching. Breathe through your nose. Gently inhaling, expand only your abdomen, your fingertips will part. Now exhale completely, your fingertips will meet again. Practice abdominal breath five times.

2. Place your hands on your rib cage and exhale so that your fingertips meet. Inhale, expanding only your diaphragm and rib cage so that your fingertips part. Exhale until your fingertips meet again. Repeat this five times.

3. Place your fingertips on your collarbones and inhale only in the upper chest. Your fingers will rise, indicating a shallow breath. This is how most of us usually breath. Exhale and practice this breath five times.

4. Place your hands palms up, beside your body and put these three breaths together. Inhale, expanding the abdomen, the diaphragm and the chest, in a slow, wavelike movement. Hold for a count of five. Exhale in the same order, contracting the abdomen, the diaphragm and the chest. Repeat step 4 as you adjust the complete breath to your own rhythm.

Be aware of what is happening in your body; you are increasing your levels of oxygen. Observe how slow, deep breathing makes you feel. Be aware of your energy levels before and after the process. You can take the awareness of breath into your everyday life and witness what happens to your breathing when you are under stress. Improve your breathing and you improve your ability to handle stress.

2. Grounding work

If you have a difficult time getting in touch with your feeling body in a non-threatening way, try standing barefoot on some grass, carpet, concrete or sand, any surface that doesn’t threaten you. Feel the sensations in your feet. Feel the temperature of the surface you are standing on. Feel the texture. Is it smooth or rough?

Remember to keep breathing. Allow your awareness to float between the sensations in your feet and the place in your body you are breathing into. Try breathing further down into your body. Use your imagination to take your breath right through to your feet and beyond.

Do this exercise every day. Try using different surfaces. I found that standing in soil was especially good. Every afternoon I’d come home from work and walk straight to the garden. Taking off my heavy boots and socks, I would step into a clear patch of soil, cover my feet and stand there bringing my thoughts to my purpose of feeling the soil between my toes, under and over my feet, breathing the air, taking in the beauty of the garden; the plants, flowers, birds, lizards, ants and bees that visited. It became a daily ritual. The intention was to ground myself within my body and become aware.

3. Nurturing your inner child

Make a commitment to honour your inner child daily with one request from her or him to be fulfilled by your adult self. Ride a bike, play with your children as a child, make a mud pie, fly a kite, build a house with blocks, colour-in, paint, draw, sing a nursery rhyme, play in the garden, go to the beach, sit and watch the ants, go for a walk and look at your environment with a child’s perspective.

4. Bringing yourself to the present

Our senses can bring us to the present moment. Touch something - a table - feel its grain or texture; smell a flower - note if you are taken into memories. Bring yourself back to the present. Look at the colour of something, study it. You are in the present. Listen to the sounds around you; the birds, the traffic noises, the computer hum, the fridge, the wind rustling the leaves on the tree. Watch the butterflies.

CHAPTER 3

THE INTERNAL WITNESS

I witness everything and judge nothing

WHAT IS THE INTERNAL WITNESS?

An Internal Witness is a part of our awareness that we develop consciously. An Internal Witness does one thing; it observes. It is not affected by our emotional body and, therefore, can be an independent witness to oneself. The Internal Witness is Here, Now. It is aware of not only what is going on inside you but is also aware of what is going on around you in your environment.

An Internal Witness is not something you can gain overnight. It is a matter of training yourself to become aware. Once you have this sense of ever present awareness, it gives you the ability to make healthy choices for yourself. It also helps you hear your internal dialogue as if you are listening to someone else talking. Remember, the Internal Witness does not judge.

The witness will notice when you are repeating dysfunctional behaviour. Once you have become aware, you can recall what you did last time in a similar situation, and look at changing that behaviour for a better outcome. Nobody has to remain a victim of their emotions. All it takes is a willingness to look at creative alternatives.

THE INTERNAL WITNESS OBSERVES ALL THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF OURSELVES

Connection to Spirit

Our unique relationship with Divine Energy, however we perceive that, and our ability to remain connected to that energy at all times. Spirit never disconnects from us but we often disconnect ourselves from it.

Mind

The mind is the tool of the Internal Witness. It is usually so stressed and noisy that there is no room for peace. During your journey with this book you will discover how to maintain a peaceful mind.

Heart/Mind Connection

The Heart/Mind connection, once established, gives us the ability to make conscious healthy choices.

The Internal Witness

The Internal Witness is able to observe all the different parts of ourselves.

Heart

The heart represents the Divine love of our Being. When the heart and mind are united in peace we create our unique tools of Christ Consciousness.

Shadow self

The parts of ourselves we are not aware of that we tend to project onto other people. Further on in this book you will discover how to connect with your shadow self.

Light self

The parts of ourselves that we recognise and own. Our light selves grow as we do healing work on ourselves -we begin to see and appreciate our unique inner beauty and attributes.

Connection to Earth

Our conscious awareness of the energy of spirit flowing through our physical bodies and into Mother Earth assists us to keep grounded. We become conduits of spiritual energy, sharing unconditional love with Mother Earth as she shares love support and assists us to anchor and ground our physical body. This connection provides us with the beginnings of abilities to co-create with all living beings on the planet, including Mother Earth herself.

DEVELOPING THE INTERNAL WITNESS

To have a functioning Internal Witness it is important to live in the here and now. In the moment. This is a gradual process of bringing yourself back to the present moment when you have realised you are either in the past or the future.

To train myself to be in the here and now and develop my Internal Witness I used a set of ‘gateways’. These gateways were places in my everyday environment that I repeatedly moved through such as: walking out my front door of a morning; when I opened the fridge door; going to the bathroom; when I walked up the driveway to my letter-box; walking around the supermarket; getting in my car to drive; at traffic lights or intersections. At these gateways I brought myself back to the