College Daze: The Most Brutally Honest Guide to College You Will Ever Read

By Zack Wellington

Think about it: College students don't drop out because their classes are too difficult. They drop out because their new life away from home—a life free from parental authority and rife with addictive distractions—is suddenly too much for them to handle.

What college students need is a guide that will tell them exactly what problems to expect and the best ways to deal with them; a guide that will help keep them on track, prevent them from making common yet serious mistakes, and see them through right up to graduation day. This is that guide.

College Daze was written solely for the purpose of helping students avoid the most common perils and pitfalls of college life, a brutally pragmatic guide that will teach you everything that every other college student, myself included, had to learn the hard way, from avoiding venereal diseases to dealing with asshole landlords, evil sorority sisters, student loan counselors, and campus cops.

And if you’re a parent of teenagers who are headed to college, hope for the best while preparing for the worst by reading this book. Yes, College Daze is going to upset a lot of helicopter parents out there who think their teenagers are, and always will be, little angels, even when they enter college.

And they might actually be little angels, but at college they’re going to be exposed to a lot of young adults who aren’t, and they need to be ready for it.

So if you know anyone who could benefit from reading this book, both parents and teenagers, consider sending it to them as a gift, because College Daze will probably be the most important—and most referenced—book a college student will ever own.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Zack Wellington
• Release date: Dec 22, 2015
• ISBN: 9781516386871

Book preview

FUDGING THE BUDGET

Keeping a balanced budget really isn't too difficult. First, figure out how much money is coming in regularly, then figure out how much is going out regularly. When you subtract the latter from the former, what's left over, if any, is called spending money. It's that simple.

The problems usually occur when the unforeseen bills arrive (car repair, textbooks, veterinary, etc.), and if you don't have a savings to draw from, mom and dad (if you're lucky) usually end up reluctantly footing the bill. So it's always a good idea to keep at least $3000 extra in the bank at all times (sure you will). In an emergency, use your Visa. That's what it's for and that's why you haven't reached anywhere near the spending limit yet (sure you haven't).

SCORING STUDENT LOANS

Unless you have some sort of trust fund or wealthy, generous parents, you'll probably need a get a loan, which is perfectly normal and expected of you. The best loans are from relatives: they're interest-free and often payment-free.

The second-best loans are from the college. They usually have the lowest available interest payments, but are more difficult to obtain than bank loans because of Republicans and social program cutbacks. The good thing about school loans is they're easy to defer as long as you're in school anywhere on the planet.

Your last attempt should be the big banks. They will lend to just about anybody with a pulse and proof of enrollment, but at higher interest rates and with little mercy once they decide it's time for you to start payments. They also have the power to completely ruin your credit rating—as well as your parents'—if mom and dad co-signed the loan.

How much you decide to borrow should be based on how much you'll probably need to pay for school and living expenses, and then tack on $200 extra for yourself (you know, for new underwear and stuff like that). Do not use the reasoning that, when you graduate and make $70,000 starting salary, this $5000 loan will be peanuts. I can guarantee you that, soon after you graduate, you'll be even more broke than when you were in school. When the $100-a-month payments start, you'll be sorry you took that trip to Europe with the extra $2000 from your student loan.

At most colleges it's possible to get an emergency loan. It costs about $25 and you can borrow up to $400 receivable the next working day. These are lifesavers in times of financial turmoil, but you can only get one a semester (two if you have a good excuse) and they have to be paid in full at the end of the semester.

The last item concerns financial aid. Hopefully you already applied for it along with your enrollment package, but if you haven't and think you might have a chance to get it, make an appointment immediately with a financial aid counselor. He or she will let you know if you qualify (depending on how much your parents make), and if not, will tell you the best route to finding cash. (If you do get financial aid, see your counselor once a semester anyway and let them know they're appreciated. My roommate used to bring his financial aid counselor roses every visit and he never once had a problem getting grants five years straight).

There is a lot of free money around for the student who knows where to get it and how to ask for it. Don't rely on any one source of income unless it's a sure thing and don't be afraid to ask advice from people who know how the system works. It may not seem like it sometimes, but they're on your side.

THE BEST JOBS FOR STUDENTS

Hands down, the best job for the college student is in the restaurant business or any job where decent tips are included and students prevail (i.e. hotels, nightclubs, bars). The turn-over is high (increasing your chances of getting hired), the pay is great, and managers tend to work your schedule around classes. These types of public service jobs are usually very social oriented, and it's entirely possible to have your social life revolve around your workplace, especially if you work full-time.

The next-best jobs are on campus. While the pay isn't great, you meet new people daily and it's close to home. Depending on your status (indigent), you may not have to pay taxes if it's a financial-aid related job, and it's also possible to split your shifts between classes, which makes life much more convenient.

If neither of these pan out, take whatever you can get until something better comes along.

When going to an interview, dress conservatively (no jeans or T-shirts), always bring a pen, and be prepared to...exaggerate. I think I've stretched the truth (were talkin' The Rack) on every application I've filled out, and even when it was obvious I didn't have any related skills, I made up for it with feigned enthusiasm. My all-time favorite line in an interview is, I can tell this is the kind of job where, the more you put into it, the more you'll get out of it. Bosses love to hear that type of bull.

Also, remember to always keep eye contact, appear over-enthusiastic, shake hands before and after, and make an impression! You want that person to remember your name long after you've left.

If you don't get hired immediately, keep trying each week. Sometimes managers get so tired of dealing with you that they hire you out of defeat. 

THE BILLS THAT KILL

Once you've found the right place to live, plunked down the ridiculous starter fee, and self-assigned rooms, it's time to hook up the dreaded utilities: cable TV, gas & electricity. Water and garbage should be pro bono (if it isn't,