A Million Miles Amok

By Walter Hopgood and Lisa D. Witte

Air travel and hotel stays are important components of many jobs today. This book guides new business travelers through the maze that is flying in modern-day America, as well as the hoops of hotel living. It also has tips and tricks to reduce stress, maintain health and sanity on the road, and maximize the return on your time and money.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Walter Hopgood
• Release date: Jan 10, 2016
• ISBN: 9780997214727

Walter Hopgood

Walter Hopgood is a geek by trade, working in healthcare information technology by day and trying his hand at writing by night. He has been writing for years, and so far has both a non-fiction as well as a fiction book under his belt. While work is always crazy, writing is a pleasure that Walter undertakes whenever he can. He lives out in rural Oregon with his husband, Patrick, and a four-pound cat that demands as much attention as possible, usually around 3am.For as vast as this world is, the experiences are there to be treasured while you explore as much as you can.

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Copyright © 2016 by Walter Hopgood and Lisa D. Witte

All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior written permission of the author.

Cover art by: Adam Janus

http://AirSnark.com

The authors dedicate this book to road warriors everywhere,

and the loved ones they leave behind.

Special dedication from Walter:

For Patrick, with whom I share my life and crazy travel stories.

Thank you for teaching me about traveling when I was a newbie.

Forward

Walter has been a medical software consultant for over 13 years, and vents online to help cope with the stresses of modern air travel. TSA agent screaming in your face? Make a joke. Scan the receipt for antacids and a pack of tissues only to realize that you paid less for your first car? Make a joke. The lady next to you is using her enormous laptop monitor to video chat with her extremely naked boyfriend? Shudder and make a joke as you hand your credit card to the flight attendant. Drink heavily. Blog it all when you're back on safe ground.

To do so, Walter created AirSnark.com after a five-hour trip on one of the earliest Wi-Fi enabled flights. The technology wasn't new on the ground but was extremely novel in flight, which he spent posting Facebook and Twitter updates from Atlanta to Portland.

Walter and Lisa started writing short stories together in 2010. Layovers and evenings in the hotel led to marathon phone calls, often punctuated with hysterical - or maniacal - laughter. A book seemed like a natural progression, and air travel an obvious topic.

Thanks to thousands of hours spent commuting millions of miles, we can give you tips to make your journey as smooth and stress-free as possible in this era of corporate penny pinching and airport security theater.

To assist multi-traveler families, there are special tips to help deal with life on the road in a high-flying family.

We'll also point you to websites and applications that can make your trips easier and more enjoyable while maximizing points.

Please enjoy our business travel primer, which we've studded with anecdotes to illustrate possible consequences. We think of it as therapy - just a lot cheaper.

Good luck!

The Travel Of Yesteryear

Have you ever noticed older people in airports? Not business travelers in their 40s and 50s - those are road warriors in their prime. No, we mean the sweet, doddering couples in their 80s who get to 'pre-board' (usually in wheelchairs because massive delays would ensue if they had make the trek down the jetway). They often have blue Naugahyde suitcases older than the combined age of all passengers, including themselves. Ever wonder why they're dressed so nicely?

Because that's how it's done! At least, that's how it used to be done. Up until the late 1970s, air travel was an occasion. If you'd like a demonstration, watch an episode of the short-lived series Pan Am. Sadly, the show - like its namesake airline - has gone the way of short security lines and inflight meals as a rule, rather than an exception. While it was on the air, however, we got a glimpse of how glamorous airline travel used to be.

Restrictions on what you could bring were few, airport staff was uniformly helpful, and you got white-glove service even in coach. These days, TSA agents yell if you have too much change in your backpack, or an apple in your carry-on (That biological is confusing my monitor. It could be a bomb). You can find good service, though understaffing and other stresses can negatively impact workers' attitudes. That white-glove service in the sky, though? That's gone forever. (Unless you can sneak $24,000 for a first class ticket from Dubai to New York past the Accounting Department.)

The traveling public has also changed, and not for the better. Plenty of people don't care about other travelers - or anything else. They don't do research before traveling, and they don't join airline loyalty programs. They choose the cheapest possible flight and then complain about crappy service. Have they forgotten that You get what you pay for, or did they simply never know it?

We, the authors, realize that the glamour and sophistication surrounding the air travel of yesteryear is never coming back. However, we hope the tips and tricks we share will help you cope with all the challenges that business travel now entails.

Section 1: Your Best Trip Starts Before You Leave The House

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Lao-tzu, the Chinese philosopher credited with that adage, was the founder of Taoism, and could be thought of as an early business traveler. There's probably an ancient American Tourister bag equivalent somewhere in China with a set of dress clothes, Lao-tzu's maps, and a handful of spade and knife money for tollbooths. We'll bet there's even a hastily scrawled note, Pack extra underwear in case of more bad lo mein.

The adage is true, but nowadays your best trip starts long before you take that fateful step. Perhaps you've taken a job as a consultant, which means gallivanting around the country by air. It may only be a few trips a year, or perhaps you'll get to travel weekly.

There's a whole slew of things to start working on as soon as you discover you're going to be renting beds around the country (or the globe). First, you'll need to come to grips with that thorn in every modern airline traveler's side - the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). The second task is shopping for a good wallet and a quality suitcase. Then you'll need to research airlines to determine which best suits your needs. You'll have to repeat that task with car rental agencies as well as hotels. The final bit of research will cover rewards options and trip tracking apps, all before buying that first ticket.

Here in the United States, airline travel has become a game of hurry up and wait, mostly due to security concerns. Going through security before the terrorist attacks of 2001 couldn't be considered more than a minor inconvenience. Since then, the TSA has incorporated hidden cameras and naked body scanners into their routine, making it a lot more invasive, not to mention time consuming.

Luckily, the government started a program called TSA Pre ✓ (TSA PreCheck to the rest of us). While you have to provide your personal information to join, it's worth it to avoid starting your trip with grumpy TSA agents.

Section 1a: TSA PreCheck

Over 150 airports currently support TSA PreCheck, or a modified version we'll call TSA PreCheck Limited. Also, even when your air carrier doesn't participate in PreCheck, if their ticket purchasing page has a space for a Known Traveler ID, you can still reap advantages by plugging in your ID number. All it takes is time, about $100, and a meeting with a TSA officer.

We know. Why are we suggesting you voluntarily spend time with a TSA officer? Trust us, though - it's practically painless. It only takes fifteen minutes or so to verify your identity. And now we hear you protest, "Do I really have to give this giant bureaucracy access to my personal information?"

Yes, you do. Ignore the naysaying voices in your head (or drink enough to drown them). TSA PreCheck can be the difference between starting a trip on the right foot or spending time in security hell, where the line never, ever moves. Plus, with TSA PreCheck you'll almost never end up like these poor folks:

image copyright Reuters, 2013

image copyright Craig F. Walker, The Denver Post, 2010

Now that we've convinced you, here's how to get TSA PreCheck. Approval can take up to 4 weeks, so it's vital that you start the process immediately.

1. Run an online search for TSA PreCheck. The first result should be the TSA.gov website. Or go to: http://www.tsa.gov/tsa-precheck

2. Once on the website, click the Participation link.

3. Click on View a comparison chart of the four DHS Trusted Traveler programs to decide which one best suits your needs.

(We like the Global Online Enrollment System [GOES]. If it suits your situation, apply at: https://goes-app.cbp.dhs.gov/main/goes. You'll need your address and employment information for the previous five years, along with your passport [even if you don't plan to travel internationally]. It can take up to thirty minutes to complete the application and pay the fee, so schedule accordingly.)

4. Now you wait. Remember, it's going to take a while for your application to wend its way through the system.

Section 1b: Use your waiting time wisely. Go shopping.

If you're like most business travelers, trips will last several days. You'll need the right suitcase, a superior backpack or briefcase, and a really good wallet.

Why talk about wallets in a travel book? It's going to see a lot of use. Take a cab? Wallet. Need to flash ID to stop the TSA agent muttering about cavity searches? Wallet. Stuck in a foreign Customs area wondering what 'the special insurance policy' is? You get the idea.

Since sitting on a wallet is uncomfortable – as well as bad for your back – look for one that will fit in your front pocket. That also makes it easier to access sixteen times on your way to the gate.

Suitcases. When he started traveling weekly, Walter didn't know what to