Deceptive Desserts: A Lady's Guide to Baking Bad!
4.5/5
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About this ebook
Photographer and stylist Christine McConnell transforms the ordinary into the extraordinary—from everyday dinners, to desserts for all occasions, to the walls of your kitchen, and even some over-the-top creations just for fun.
Taking inspiration from the likes of Tim Burton, Alfred Hitchcock, and Vincent Price and mixing in a dash of Stepford Wife, McConnell’s baking and home DIY projects are a league above and beyond anything you've seen before.
In Deceptive Desserts, each dessert is a work of art—some a little twisted, others magical—but every recipe inspires readers to create their own rules without spending a fortune. Why can’t crab cakes be a delicious pink-frosted dessert? And if you’re stuck hosting a bridal shower, why not create an actual Bridezilla cake to match the bride’s ego? Nothing is sacrosanct in the wonderfully weird world of Christine McConnell and nothing is what it appears to be—even a classic dinner can be transformed into something decadent, with doughnuts that look like chicken drumsticks, green beans made of candy, and ice cream mashed potatoes. A master of illusions in baking, McConnell shows readers how to create their own secret hidden gems in the kitchen.
In her follow-up book, McConnell will go outside the kitchen to show readers how to incorporate magic and fantasy into their home decor and personal style without breaking the bank. Using the renovations of her own house as a guide, McConnell walks readers through easy DIY projects such as hand-painted wallpaper, refinishing wood and tile floors, and adding storage space, along with inexpensive decorating tips.
A dazzling collection of photographs, stories revealing her one-of-a-kind character, and helpful tricks for doing it all yourself, McConnell’s book will inspire readers to be more playful, and just a little bit wicked, with the food they create and the space they inhabit.
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Reviews for Deceptive Desserts
9 ratings2 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5More than sweet, it's SCARY!!!This book is a comprehensive guide to cooking just like Christine McConnell using her recipes to recreate her most beautiful and wicked conceptions.Each section goes through with the seasons of the year, helping you to find the perfect crazy creation for all your holiday and event needs.Within the sections you will find a picture of the finished product, a recipe and instructions for making said product, as well as step by step instructions on assembly and presentation. The photos are all in beautiful bright color and each page is refreshed with a glossy finish. This cookbook is gorgeous! Not only is it gorgeous to look at but it also has practical instructions for any layman (like myself) to be able to follow. Although some pieces are definitely more challenging than the others, for the most part I think that most cooks in the kitchen with limited amount of experience would be able to put together MOST of these recipes in this book. Most of the pieces in this book just take time and a lot of patience to complete.And the recipes are not just limited to cakes and cookies. She also puts together lovely fruit salads, perfect pies, and poison punches. But BEWARE... things are not always what they seem in this book! ???Deception is the name of the game in this, Christine McConnell's Deceptive Desserts! Five stars across the board, highly recommend!!!???????
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5More than sweet, it's SCARY!!!This book is a comprehensive guide to cooking just like Christine McConnell using her recipes to recreate her most beautiful and wicked conceptions.Each section goes through with the seasons of the year, helping you to find the perfect crazy creation for all your holiday and event needs.Within the sections you will find a picture of the finished product, a recipe and instructions for making said product, as well as step by step instructions on assembly and presentation. The photos are all in beautiful bright color and each page is refreshed with a glossy finish. This cookbook is gorgeous! Not only is it gorgeous to look at but it also has practical instructions for any layman (like myself) to be able to follow. Although some pieces are definitely more challenging than the others, for the most part I think that most cooks in the kitchen with limited amount of experience would be able to put together MOST of these recipes in this book. Most of the pieces in this book just take time and a lot of patience to complete.And the recipes are not just limited to cakes and cookies. She also puts together lovely fruit salads, perfect pies, and poison punches. But BEWARE... things are not always what they seem in this book! ???Deception is the name of the game in this, Christine McConnell's Deceptive Desserts! Five stars across the board, highly recommend!!!???????
Book preview
Deceptive Desserts - Christine McConnell
Contents
INTRODUCTION
The Basics
WHITE CAKE
CHOCOLATE CAKE
VANILLA BUTTERCREAM FROSTING
CHOCOLATE BUTTERCREAM FROSTING
HOMEMADE CARAMEL
ROYAL ICING
MODELING CHOCOLATE
FONDANT
DECORATING 101
Spring
FRUIT BASKET DESSERTS
Caramel Apple Pies
Blueberry-Lemon Pies
Orange Cream Cakes
Banana Bread
Pear Tarts
Lime Meringues
Chocolate Yogurt Grapes
Chocolate-Covered Strawberries
BRIDEZILLA CAKE
Bridezilla Cake
CAT LADY GELATIN
Cat Lady Gelatin
RED VELVET REPTILIAN CAKE
Red Velvet Reptilian Cake
TEXAS TWISTER FUNNEL CAKE
Texas Twister Funnel Cake
ALMOND BUTTERMILK COBWEB CAKE
Almond Buttermilk Cobweb Cake
KITTEN CANNOLI
Kitten Cannoli
SOCIAL BUTTERFLIES
White Chocolate China
Edible Butterflies
HUMMINGBIRD CAKE
Hummingbird Cake
FLYING SAUCER COOKIES
Flying Saucer Cookies
FABERGÉ EASTER EGG CAKE
Fabergé Easter Egg Cake
VINTAGE SPRING WEDDING CAKE
Nut Allergy–Sensitive Hummingbird Cake
Strawberry Cream Cake
Lemon Curd Cake
Cherry Cream Cheesecake
Dutch Chocolate Cake
Basic White Wedding Cake
EARTH CAKE
Earth Cake
Summer
CRAB CAKES
Crab Cakes
APPALACHIAN BREAD PUDDING
Appalachian Bread Pudding
DOUGHNUT DINNER
Doughnuts
Candy Green Beans & Corn
Caramel Carrots
THE FACEHUGGER
The Facehugger
CHOCOLATE SQUID GELATIN
Chocolate Squid Gelatin
RICE KRISPIES BEARS
Rice Krispies Bears
PEPPERMINT BROWNIE BUGS
Peppermint Brownie Bugs
ANGEL FOOD COCONUT CAT CAKE
Angel Food Coconut Cat Cake
SCREAM BERRIES
Scream Berries
MACKINAC ISLAND FUDGE
Chocolate Fudge
White Chocolate Fudge
Cream Cheese Fudge
DRAGON BEE LEMON BARS
Dragon Bee Lemon Bars
Fall
SALTED CARAMEL APPLE PIE
Salted Caramel Apple Pie
HARVEST WEDDING CAKE
Pumpkin-Vanilla
Peanut Butter–Chocolate
Maple Bacon
PUMPKIN ICE CREAM
Pumpkin Ice Cream
MINT CHIP MEDUSA CAKE
Mint Chip Medusa Cake
POISON APPLE PUNCH
Poison Apple Punch
SUGAR COOKIE GRAVEYARD
Sugar Cookie Graveyard
NEAPOLITAN MONSTER CAKE
Neapolitan Monster Cake
CARAMEL POPCORN CAT
Caramel Popcorn Cat
THE BIG BAD BUTTERSCOTCH CAKE
The Big Bad Butterscotch Cake
TERROR-MISU
Terror-Misu
VAMPIRE MILKSHAKE
Vampire Milkshake
DEVIL’S FOOD CAKE
Devil’s Food Cake
TARANTULA COOKIES
Tarantula Cookies
Winter
SERPENTINE CINNAMON ROLLS
Serpentine Cinnamon Rolls
BLACK AND WHITE CAKE
Black and White Cake
HANSEL AND GRETEL GINGERBREAD CASTLE
Hansel and Gretel Gingerbread Castle
REDDIT CAKE
Reddit Cake
WHITE VOODOO CAKE
White Voodoo Cake
SANTA CLAWS COOKIES
Santa Claws Cookies
SUGAR COOKIE COTTAGE
Sugar Cookie Cottage
PEPPERMINT BARK BONSAI
Peppermint Bark Bonsai
PREDATOR VALENTINE COOKIE
Predator Valentine Cookies
SERPENTINE SPICE CAKE
Serpentine Spice Cake
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT CHRISTINE MCCONNELL
INDEX
For my Grandma Millie
Thank you for making me feel special.
I’m just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It’s just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.
—MORTICIA ADAMS
As children, we’re taught that dishonesty is unacceptable. It’s usually around the same time we’re fed fantastical stories about fairies who snatch teeth from under our pillows, or a robust man who annually breaks and enters to drop off toys.
I believe deception in general gets a bad rap. When we are young, our parents present the world as a magical place filled with possibilities and hope. As we get older, stress and responsibility are slowly incorporated; the truth comes out, and it’s easy to become disillusioned. But just because Santa Claus isn’t real and it turns out Prince Charming has an online gambling problem, that shouldn’t prevent you from appreciating the real magic in life: your ability to create your own fantasy—or bake it in the kitchen! This book is my opportunity to show you how to create sweet works of art that you can eat. Nearly every recipe is mixed with a little trickery and then sprinkled with some treachery.
I should start by telling one truth: four years ago, I had never baked a cake. I mean, I had made brownies and some cookies, but otherwise nothing really mind-blowing. I can clearly remember looking at pictures of cakes online and thinking, You know what? I should take a class or something on how to do that!
Without much free time or expendable income, I started watching YouTube tutorials and reading bits here and there online and in old cookbooks. Most of my kitchen equipment I borrowed from family or bought at estate sales. I began posting anything I made online and found people to be really encouraging and supportive, motivating me to work harder.
Society makes many of us feel that there is nobility in silence and that not making a fuss over yourself is a virtue, but I’ve found that if you don’t do it, no one else will either! I had spent most of my life quietly waiting for something magical to happen to me. That was a mistake. Life can be every bit as wonderful as you’ve dreamed it to be; it just takes work on your part, and quite a bit more than is advertised. So this year, if you want an incredible birthday cake, learn how to make it yourself! Or if it’s deep and meaningful love you’re after and you have high expectations—get a cat!
My point is that the treasures of life really are within your grasp if you’re willing to negotiate and never stop improving. Everyone has something amazing to contribute, and no matter how big or small it may be, it’s valuable to us all.
This book represents how I view the world. My goal is to show you that there is beauty and there is horror. . . and if you can embrace the former and poke fun at the latter, you will live a wonderful life!
The Basics
Before you get to baking, I should make one thing very clear up front: When it comes to dessert, my opinion is that diet,
light,
and low-calorie
are four-letter words. Moderation is the key to everything, and the flavor of your dessert needn’t suffer. So when using this book, utilize your best judgment.
Before I began any of these projects, I had a few things to master. If you can get the swing of this first batch, any of the recipes following should be a piece of cake!
White
CAKE
I once followed a 150-year-old recipe for white cake and it tasted like dry, dense cornbread. So while I’m usually a fan of the old, sometimes the new is just better. There are several white cake recipes in this book, but this is my go-to for a simple, moist, and delicious cake!
Makes one 8-inch 3-layer cake
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened, plus more for pans
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
2 1/2 cups granulated sugar
5 large eggs, room temperature
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 cup buttermilk, room temperature
1/2 cup whole milk, room temperature
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• Preheat oven to 375°F and place a rack in center of oven. Lightly butter three 8-inch square or round cake pans. In a stand mixer, cream together butter, shortening, and sugar at medium speed until fully combined. Add eggs one at a time, beating between each addition until mixture is very fluffy.
• In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In a third bowl, whisk together the buttermilk and milk. Add flour and milk mixtures to batter, alternating in small portions. Add vanilla and beat until completely combined.
• Divide batter evenly among prepared baking pans. Bake on middle rack for 25 to 35 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into centers comes out clean and tops are just browned. Allow to cool on a rack for 10 minutes before removing from pans. Immediately wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate until chilled and ready to assemble.
Chocolate
CAKE
If you’re looking to tie down a man but are too lazy to feign a pregnancy, this next recipe is an easy and delicious alternative. It’s pretty hard to mess up a chocolate cake, but there are some that are better than others. In my opinion, this is the best!
Makes one 8-inch 3-layer cake
Softened unsalted butter for pans
2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pans
2 cups granulated sugar
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
2 large eggs, room temperature
1 cup whole milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 cup boiling water
• Preheat oven to 350°F and place a rack in center of oven. Butter and flour three 8-inch square or round cake pans. Combine all dry ingredients in a stand mixer and blend.
• In a separate bowl, combine eggs, milk, oil, and vanilla. Whisk with a fork until just combined and then add to flour mixture. Beat at medium speed until smooth. Pour in boiling water and immediately beat at low speed until fully combined.
• Divide batter evenly among prepared baking pans. Bake on middle rack for 25 to 35 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into centers comes out clean. Allow to cool on a rack for 10 minutes before removing from pans. Immediately wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate until chilled and ready to assemble.
Vanilla Buttercream
FROSTING
There is a time and a place for fondant, but you should never smother your beautiful cake in it. It can be used for artistic purposes here and there, but if you care at all about the overall flavor of your cake, I strongly urge you to master the art of buttercream. It’s smooth and creamy, and is more flexible to work with than you think!
Makes about 3 cups
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
4 cups confectioners’ sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon heavy whipping cream
• Cream butter in a stand mixer until smooth. Add confectioners’ sugar, 1 cup at a time, until fully incorporated. Beat on medium speed until fluffy. Add vanilla, salt, and cream and whip on high speed until fully combined and fluffy.
• Frosting should be stored in an airtight container and refrigerated until ready for use.
Chocolate Buttercream
FROSTING
This is a seriously delicious and incredibly easy recipe. I use it every time I need a smooth, rich frosting with a deep color. It complements most cakes and is easy to tint with food coloring to make darker shades.
Makes about 3 cups
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
3 1/2 cups confectioners’ sugar
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
• Cream butter in a stand mixer until smooth. Add confectioners’ sugar, 1 cup at a time, until fully incorporated. Add cocoa and beat on medium speed until fluffy. Add vanilla, almond extract, salt, and cream and whip on high speed until fully combined and fluffy.
• Frosting should be stored in an airtight container and refrigerated until ready for use.
Homemade
CARAMEL
This is a recipe with a million uses! Undercook it just a bit and you’ll have an incredible caramel sauce; overcook it a hair and you’ll end up with a rigid glue that will hold together some of the strangest structures. My only warning is to use extreme caution when working with caramel, as it’s incredibly hot and sticky. I would avoid involving children or anyone else lacking in common sense when executing this recipe.
Makes one 13 x 18-inch sheet
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened, plus more for pan
2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1 cup whole milk
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 cup light corn syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon coarse salt (optional)
• Generously butter a 13 x 18–inch baking pan. Combine sugars, butter, milk, cream, and corn syrup in a heavy saucepan over medium-low heat and stir until sugars are dissolved. Heat slowly until mixture comes to a boil, stirring frequently. Clip a candy thermometer to inside of pot and heat and continue to stir until it registers 245°F (see Note). Immediately remove pot from heat, add vanilla, and stir vigorously.
• Quickly pour caramel into prepared baking pan and allow to cool. Sprinkle with coarse salt, if you like.
NOTE: For a caramel sauce, heat just to 230°F before removing from heat and adding vanilla.
Royal
ICING
Royal icing: A fancy name for an incredibly simple product. There are so many things you can do with this one, from piping and frosting cookies to using it to glue together a gingerbread house. The great thing about this icing is how forgiving it can be.
Makes about 3 cups
3 large egg whites
4 cups confectioners’ sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon salt
• In a stand mixer, beat egg whites until foamy. Add confectioners’ sugar 1 cup at a time until fully incorporated. Add vanilla and salt and beat until creamy. For a thicker frosting, add more confectioners’ sugar. For a looser frosting, simply add water 1 tablespoon at a time until desired consistency is reached. If you go too far, you can always add more confectioners’ sugar.
Modeling
CHOCOLATE
I would say this is my greatest secret weapon. If you’re