Resolve Jealousy Workbook
By Kosjenka Muk
3/5
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About this ebook
If you are jealous, you might have an exaggerated, idealized mental image of your partner. You might expect your partner to be “pure”, devoted, unconditionally loving and accepting ... in other words, to behave as a perfect parent. This is an indication of bonds created in childhood.
If you idolize your partner as a parent replacement, every deviation from your expectations might trigger fear, confusion and defensive anger. You might feel that your partner owes you undivided attention. You might feel dependent of your partner's love, focus and devotion, just like you felt dependent of your parents as a child. You might believe that you deeply love your partner and that a breakup would mean losing your sense of meaning of life.
The truth, however, may be that you do not love your partner as who they are. You are in love with the idealized image in your mind. Unintentionally, you are willing to sacrifice the personality, independence and self-esteem of your partner to that infantile image. The strength of your emotions might make you believe that you have the right to do so.
This program can help you understand the real causes of your jealousy, change your perspective and learn how to dissolve jealous urges. You can review your behavior and its consequences for your relationships and the quality of your life. Finally, these exercises will can guide you towards emotional independence and healthy self-esteem.
Kosjenka Muk
Kosjenka (pronounced Kos-yen-ka) Muk is a special education teacher and Integrative Systemic Coaching trainer from Croatia, EU. Her curiosity for and exploration of human psychology and potential started at age 15, and ever since she used every opportunity to expand her knowledge. Since 2003, she coaches individuals and couples, as well as teaching her workshops on topics of self-esteem, happy partnership, verbal self-defense and others. She also has wide experience working online with clients from over 20 countries worldwide. As a trainer of Integrative Systemic Coaching method, her teaching experience includes 8 European countries, as well as Canada, USA (Hawaii), and Mexico. While she loves to travel, she also enjoys living in nature and tries, with variable success, to grow all kinds of unusual plants in her garden and crack more or less spontaneous jokes. You can read many of her articles on http://iscmentoring.eu/km/articles/, or, if you enjoy thoughtful conversation, join Integrative Systemic Coaching Facebook group.
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Resolve Jealousy Workbook - Kosjenka Muk
Introduction
In my first book, "Emotional Maturity In Everyday Life, I have written about jealousy as the most childish emotion of all. In this context,
childish" is not meant to be offensive. It is simply a factual statement, used to indicate emotions that originate in one's childhood and persist throughout adult life. This might not sound encouraging. However, childish emotions can be changed.
This program can help you understand the real causes of your jealousy, change your perspective and learn how to dissolve jealous urges. You can review your behavior and its consequences for your relationships and the quality of your life. Finally, these exercises will guide you towards emotional independence and healthy self-esteem.
To achieve an optimal success with this program, it is crucial to repeat the exercises regularly. Our subconscious minds contain emotional and mental habits that were enforced for decades, and are often based on early childhood experiences and interpretations. Such deeply ingrained habits are not likely to change if you only exercise occasionally. Therefore I recommend that you apply this program regularly through a longer period of time.
Biological background of jealousy
When we were babies and toddlers, our brains had to work in full speed, learning how to survive in a very complex world. Our world is now less dangerous to our day-to-day survival than ever in history – but our biological heritage is not aware of this. Therefore, small children's brains observe the world around them intensely and carefully, learning how to survive, creating strong impressions and conclusions which can color their perspectives for the rest of their lives. Instinctively, they scan the surroundings for any sign of threat to their lives.
If a potential threat is perceived, a child's brain stops everything else and focuses on survival. Emotions become intense and urgent, driving the child to struggle to survive in any way possible.
Most other animal cubs are born on a higher level of physical maturity and are able to walk and take care of themselves much sooner than a human baby. A human baby must be born early, otherwise the size of its growing brain might kill both mother and child during birth. Therefore, human babies are much more dependent of their parents than most other animal cubs are of theirs. Our instincts reflect this.
Parents' love and attention enable a child's survival. Therefore, any sign of their lack might push a baby into a state of panic. If you have been around small babies, you have probably seen some of them cry desperately as soon as left alone. Anything