Preparing for Mr./Mrs. Right

By Philip Ellingberg

For decades, men and women have wondered, what's wrong with me? Why can't I find a mate?

For decades, you've wondered, why are my relationships constantly failing?
Why do I attract the wrong people?
Is it something I'm doing?
What did I say?




Discover exactly how we should approach dating as Christians--so you can better position yourself for success in dating.


~Discover what it means to set boundaries

~Learn how to close unhealthy doors

~Discover the different types of love

~Learn how to create rules for dating

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 14, 2016
• ISBN: 9781483562582

Book preview

prayer.

INTRODUCTION

Relationships have suffered some serious setbacks when considered in the context of today’s modern world. Our global society prides itself on the rapid pace of what we consider to be development. Yet, when looked at more closely, many modern developments have actually left us worse off than we were fifty years ago. While removing some of the difficulties experienced by older generations, technology has brought with it new difficulties, very often hidden from us. Fast food is a classic example! A convenient stopover at a local hamburger joint on your way home from work saves a lot of time – you save time shopping for the ingredients you would have had to buy and then cook, time is saved actually preparing the meal, and finally, you save time by not having to wash the dirty dishes. But at what cost does this fast-food culture we have developed actually come? Way too often, it comes at the expense of our health! A poor diet leads to bad health, reflected through various chronic illnesses, such as heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and obesity. Our support of this fast-food industry also damages our planet.

When it comes to relationships, we have adopted a similar attitude to that of our fast-food culture. The mindset behind the convenience of fast food seems to have spilled over into the way we relate to other people, and this has brought with it a wide range of social problems. These include an increase in the divorce rate, children being raised in single-parent homes, a marked increase in casual sex, which in turn leads to an increase in unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. These two modern social problems are by no means related, but both problems stem from a mindset based on a self-centered approach to life. With the introduction of online dating, we can literally arrange to have three separate dates lined up in a single evening. Please don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with online dating if God leads a person through this process. However, problems begin to be revealed when the desire for instant gratification of our sensual needs leads us through the dating process.

It is not only through the process of online dating that relationship problems have increased. The problem stems from the way in which we go about trying to fulfill the inbuilt need we have to love and be loved. When God first created human beings, He placed within them a deep-seated need to be involved in a committed relationship. It was for this reason that Eve was created to share Eden with Adam. Over time, mainly due to the fall of humanity through sin, people have eroded the bonds that attract men and women to one another. By taking God out of our relationships, we have replaced certain aspects of this bond, such as safety, protectiveness, and love, with less meaningful and even dangerous elements, such as recklessness, exposure to harm, and lust. How then do we counter these harmful elements that have become so common in our modern world?

By establishing a healthy relationship firstly with God, and secondly, with ourselves. Only when these two criteria have been satisfactorily established can we begin to consider the option of choosing a partner. While most people will recognize the wisdom in establishing a relationship with God, the second part of this equation might seem strange. How do we go about establishing a relationship with ourselves? This question is perhaps the most difficult to answer, and I will explain why I think so shortly. But first I would like to explain why it is easier for us to establish a relationship with God than it is to do so with ourselves. I believe God created human beings with a natural desire to worship Him.¹ Just like human children admire and revere their parents, so do our spirit-beings recognize the goodness of God, and therefore naturally want to please Him.

It is the the traditions of men and the cares of this world that slowly chip away at this natural desire we feel to worship God as the ultimate source of love, truth, and beauty. Those who are raised not knowing God still have this inborn desire to develop a meaningful connection to something (or Someone) they feel outside of themselves, to which they feel drawn. Some may feel a powerful attraction to nature. They feel awe at witnessing the splendor of the stars on a clear night, or feel soothed by the peaceful rhythms of waves breaking on a beach. Because God is being reflected to them through His creation, they are drawn to His beauty and power. But, because they have never been properly introduced to God in person, they simply do not recognize the call of God in these experiences. We will learn more about how to develop a healthy relationship with God as we progress. It is vitally important to recognize that the first step toward establishing any healthy human relationship is completely dependent on first establishing a healthy relationship with God.

In a sense, the second step in this process of establishing healthy relationships relies heavily on the first step. Only once we have established a loving relationship with God are we then able to recognize our own worth and value through God’s eyes. We learn to love ourselves because we are children of God. Knowing that the Being who created the heavens and the earth loves you unconditionally, you start to recognize your own value. This is what I mean when I say that you need to establish a healthy relationship with yourself. The bible tells us that all ten of the commandments given to Israel are summed up in one simple saying: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.² Think about that for a moment…As much as you enjoy a good meal, warm clothes on a cold day, a good night’s rest, or a glass of cold water on a hot day, so does every other person on earth enjoy these simple blessings! What this scripture is saying to us is that as much as you desire these good things in life – all your required creature comforts – so should you also desire these good things for every other person on the planet. Yet this process begins with the recognition of your own self-worth, for without recognizing your own value, what will you have to offer any other person? If you consider yourself to be stupid and useless how can you possibly help anyone else? So, by first establishing a healthy relationship with God, you will learn to build your own self confidence. This in turn creates a pathway through your very own being, allowing you to reach out to others so the love of God can flow through you to them.

Of course, we can also take self-love to the opposite extreme. The bible warns us against developing an unhealthy love of self.³ Recognizing our value as children of God is healthy but as soon as we begin to think we are superior to other people, we fall into unhealthy patterns of pride and arrogance. This mindset is perhaps even more destructive than that of feeling stupid and useless, because feelings of inferiority damage you personally, while pride and arrogance are often very harmful to those around you, as well as to yourself. The Book of Ezekiel tells us that Lucifer⁴ was created blameless in his ways from the day he was created, until unrighteousness was found in him.⁵ His heart was lifted up because of his beauty, and he corrupted his wisdom by reason of his splendor.⁶ In short, what this passage reveals to us is that it was Lucifer’s pride and arrogance that caused his downfall. Having been created a guardian cherub,⁷ his pride led him into becoming God’s chief