Buddy's Universe - A Beagle's Life Book I

By BuzzzzOff and Buddy

Hi! My name is Buddy. I am a Beagle. Since I can read and write, I am no ordinary Beagle. I also am very fond of Mental Masturbation.

Mental Masturbation, Dear Reader, is a form of anxiety relief. It affects my ever-wandering, always-worrying, exceedingly-addictive mind that works 24 hours per day, 365 days per year. I even can confirm that Mental Masturbation manages to continue spinning an extra day during leap year.

This collection of missives, which I hope you will read (albeit I do not know why you would care so to do) and for which I beg you to pay, is my banal attempt to understand the "why" of life. Whether I am discussing my adventures or thinking about meaningless things, I hope you find my words interesting, fun, thought-provoking or, well, you bought the book so at that point my hopes alredy have been achieved, i.e. I made money to buy more treats!

Oh yes, if anyone has a cure for Mental Masturbation, I would be most grateful with any elixir that would speed me towards enlightenment.

Hugs and Kisses,

Buddy
[e-mail]

• Language: English
• Publisher: eBookIt.com
• Release date: Apr 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781456625726

Book preview

Contents

About BuzzzzOff

The mental masturbation disgorgement (zero dosage) of less than professional, albeit experienced, fun-loving, albeit profound, opinionated, albeit rational, missives dedicated to those GastroNaughties and VineNaughties of exceedingly discerning, albeit not too snobby, palates.

And all the other people who just happen to think a lot (too much?) about the world in which we live, perhaps from a slightly different, possibly crazy, perspective.

About Buddy’s Universe

Hi! My name is Buddy. I am a Beagle. Since I can read and write, I am no ordinary Beagle. I also am very fond of Mental Masturbation.

Mental Masturbation, Dear Reader, is a form of anxiety relief not unlike the more pedestrian efforts of stroking either the male or female private parts, albeit devoid of any relief as it is the process, not the conclusion, that is important.

Simply stated, Mental Masturbation afflicts my ever-wandering, always-worrying, exceedingly-addictive mind that works 24 hours per day, 365 days per year. I even can confirm that Mental Masturbation manages to continue spinning an extra day during leap year.

The existence of my condition is as unforgettable as my schoolboy day-dreams of having relations with my twenty-something year young, smoking-hot French teacher, who bounced about the classroom surely aware of her impact on teenage boys…and possibly girls.

Therefore, Dear Reader, I do not seek to discuss whether or not Mental Masturbation exists.

I do, however, wish to discover the why about all sorts of topics swirling around my brain.

This collection of missives, which I hope you will read (albeit I do not know why you would care so to do) and for which I beg you to pay, is my banal attempt to understand the why of life. Whether I am discussing my adventures or thinking about meaningless things, I hope you find my words interesting, fun, thought-provoking or, well, you bought the book so at that point my hopes already have been achieved, i.e. I made money to buy more treats!

Oh yes, if anyone has a cure for Mental Masturbation, I would be most grateful with any elixir that would speed me towards enlightenment.

Hugs and Kisses,

Buddy

[e-mail]

Buddy’s Blog - The Present

Hi, my name is Buddy.

I am a dog. Human Beings - funny creatures that walk on two, rather than four, legs and cannot clean their own private parts without the assistance of soap and water - say I am a Beagle. OK, I guess I am a Beagle. After all, Human Beings, at least in my experience, provide food, water, wine and shelter so a Beagle I am.

Buddy the Beagle. I can live with that.

My parents - at least the ones I have now - are Human Beings. Human Beings are either girls or ladies or boys or men.

The lady, who smells the best ever, is called Violet. She is my Mummy. The man, who shares some sweet water with me (he calls it wine), is called Chuck. He is my Daddy.

They told me I was probably born in August. I do not know when that is. It is not the month I celebrate my birthday though.