Writing Tips #42

By EM Bosso

Living the life of a self-published Author is not always easy, but if we can't laugh at ourselves (and our relative insanity) what's the point of getting out of bed in the morning? \n
This is an in-depth, humorous look at the twitter post that went viral when I began my Writing Tips #42 series of posts. After all, 140 characters is hardly enough to truly explain what it's like to have 1000 "friends" living in your head when you wake up in the morning... :-)

Within these electronic pages you will find the meaning of life... at least if you consider the meaning of life to be laughter and trivia. Aside from being a fanciful look at the trials and tribulations of a self-published author, you will find helpful tips from famous authors and true stories for their lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: EM Bosso
• Release date: Oct 6, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370069989

EM Bosso

For the last 30 thirty years I have walked through life learning from others, loving my neighbors, and counseling my clients both financially and emotionally as they experienced divorce, stress of changing careers, and the loss of loved ones. As a young man, I was driven to succeed, to create, to achieve the next promotion. As I’ve grown older, the realization that the true path to success in life, lies in helping others. It is my hope that some of the lessons I’ve learned over the years, may help someone in the world save a marriage, make life a little better, or just give some peace to a frustrated soul. Most of my writing follows a belief in "do no harm" and write something that has value and meaning. I like to think that the fact I combine humor, tragedy, and real life scenarios adds to the overall effect and avoids the preachiness that might otherwise come across when dealing with sensitive subject matter.

Book preview

CHAPTER ONE

Welcome One And All

Welcome to the first edition of Writing Tips #42! Before we begin, let’s jump into the WayBack machine and review how this book came to be… (Que the funky music and nauseating stripy spinning circle thingy…)

In a flashing moment of general smart assery, I posted my first writing tip entitled Writing Tip #42 on twitter. It really was demanded that I do so after reading a tweet, from a gentleman that I followed, who routinely posted grammar advice. Now I understand the need for the grammar police to be on the lookout for verbal criminals, but let’s face it… If you are an author with poor grammar, you aren’t going to improve by reading 140-character tweets. It is, however, a grand opportunity for a grammar Nazi to make another person feel bad while elevating himself/herself to a superior level in their own mind.

Instead of correcting grammar and syntax, I took the approach of giving humorous tips regarding living the writer’s life. Which is where the #42 derives its significance. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of reading Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Spoiler Alert coming…) you might remember that the Enormous-Super-Computer-Deep-Thought was asked to answer the ultimate question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. After 7.5 million years of calculations and thought, the computer came to the conclusion that the answer was… wait for it… 42. That, my friends, is why every single writing tip is numbered 42.

Before long, these small, sometimes funny, blurbs that I had been posting became slightly viral. What I had managed to do, with a series of one-liners, was strike a chord with the independent writers of the world. They understood and could identify with the messages and wisdom that was being offered. They weren’t without meaning, they were… in fact… the Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything.

CHAPTER TWO

Don't Put Your Pants On

Writing Tip #42

If You’ve Already Put Pants on for the Day; the idea is gone.

This is a basic tenant of writing. A person who has the imagination to create worlds; characters that come to life, or stories to entertain the populace, frequently finds inspiration from the world of dreams. Those ideas, that are crystal clear while you are rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, tend to evaporate as one slides into one’s pants. I tend to think it has something to do with the constricting nature of denim, but I could be wrong. I’ve been told that it actually has something to do with the lack of the hormone norepinephrine. If you truly care, you can read about it. It’s fascinating… right up there with the proper usage of a toilet plunger, complete with video. (Actually that might not be too bad, I’ll put that on my list to YouTube later.)

The point is, if you don’t get those ideas down on paper, or a voice recorder, right out of bed, you’re going to lose it before you get around to writing. We all know it. We all have that complete bestselling novel we dreamed one night and completely forgot in the shower.

Problem number two with pants… If you want to be a professional writer, it’s a job. A real, heartbreaking, ball-busting job that doesn’t pay very well. It requires focus and dedication if you really want to succeed. Once you put on your pants and start your day, guess what happens? Yup… the kids need something, the spouse wants to chat, your bestie wants to grab a coffee, or laundry has to get done.

If writing is a hobby, then God bless you. Put on your pants and write for personal satisfaction. Writing is an amazing source of pleasure and enjoyment, and fun to share with the people you love. Go for it. But if writing is what you want to do for your career, then treat it like a work at home job. Pour your coffee, sit in front of your computer in your comfy Pj's or sweats and play that keyboard like a virtuoso pianist. Or do a cheap Bryan Adams impersonation and Type until your fingers bleed (sang to the tune of Summer of ‘69.)

Fun Facts:

It took J.R.R. Tolkien 11 years to write Lord of the Rings at an average of 245 words per working day, which ranks him as one of the slowest novelists ever.

Stephen King Averages 2000 words per day.

Charles Hamilton/Frank Richards had 25 pseudonyms.

Ancient Greek Scholar Didymus Chalkenteros wrote over 3500 books in his life.

Graham Greene wrote EXACTLY 500 words a day even if it meant stopping in the middle of a sentence.

Agatha Christie’s day job was as a pharmaceutical assistant until the end of World War I.

Jack Kerouac may have had the largest collection of odd jobs. Before becoming famous he worked as a dishwasher, cotton picker, night guard, gas station attendant, fire lookout, deck hand, and railroad brakeman. Wow! He really was on the road… (sorry couldn’t resist)

Jack London spent his young manhood as an Oyster Pirate. Which is nowhere near as romantic and sexy as it sounds.

Kurt Vonnegut was fired from Sports Illustrated for writing The horse jumped over the fucking fence. In response to his bosses request for an article about a horse that had tried to escape from a racetrack.

Harriet Beecher Stowe, author of Uncle Tom’s Cabin, lived next door to Mark Twain.

In 1951, William Burroughs accidentally shot his common-law wife Joan Vollmer dead at a party during a drunken game of ‘William Tell’. (Sure it was an accident….)

Playwright Tennessee Williams choked to death on a bottle cap.

When he worked for Faber, T. S. Eliot liked to seat visiting authors in chairs with whoopee cushions and offer them exploding cigars.

The first recorded reference to anyone in England having a cup of tea is