Tell Me Lies; Love Me Still

By Arline Miller

SHATTERED PIECES OF THE HEART AND SOUL

As Destaina, a bright and talented young woman, strolls away from listening to an incredible love story; why does she feel the urge to run into the arms of her married lover? With her future in question does she desperately need to be held and cuddled in an unattainable but tightly woven web of lies and deceit?

She questions the motives of Rachelle who shared her tale of love and loss only to confuse Destaina. Why did Rachelle, who Destaina recently met, care so much about who Destaina loves? There was something mysterious in her tone as Rachelle swept her into her own love triangle. Rachelle was too insistent Destaina listen to her story and advised Destaina to run from the love she had found in Harry? Why would she care?

Questioning every inch of herself, Destaina finds herself searching for the answers she had asked during her life. Why hadn’t her mother told her about her father? Who and where is her father and why is he avoiding her? She has so many questions and in her quest to find out, Destaina embarks on a dangerous journey of past lies and deceit.

During the stormy trek to her past; Destaina might lose the future she wants. Which is more important to her, her lover or her past? Can she live without knowing or will this knowledge destroy all she holds close to her heart?

Destaina will see Rachelle again only to find she is more of a friend than she ever thought possible. How did she not see the truth before when she had it in front of her in the guise of a mistress? Lies are abundant in this tale in Tell Me Lies; Love Me Still by Arline Miller.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Arline Miller
• Release date: Jan 18, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370818518

Arline Miller

Being from the small town of Douglas, Georgia and living in many locations both big and small, I found out how to learn flexibility and adaptability in all states of living and working. My writing has been my escape from everyday stress. Since 2012, I found solace in writing my inspirational blog. This adventure has taught me the power of words as a single word can encourage the weakest and destroy the strongest. We, who write, must know the difference. I am proud to have my first novel published so you can share my love.

Book preview

As she strolled from the small café, Destaina spun to see if she could catch a glance from Rachelle. She sensed a slight chill as if she had walked on someone’s grave. If the woman, a self-confessed mistress, told Destaina the truth Rachelle’s life had moved from a nightmare to a fairy tale. After Rachelle’s story, Destaina was curious about her own life. Why was she so curious about who she, Destaina Macklin, was? Why did she suspect Rachelle had fulfilled a deathbed request? Destaina was moved by the emotional story but it seemed more than a chance encounter. Who or what had decided to dissect her fragmented world into tinier pieces? She felt she had to digest what she had learned.

This information made her wonder how her life would be from now on. She felt a shift inside, as though her life was transitioning in a new direction. To look at Destaina and the way she held herself, one might think she was of royal heritage. She looked like an aristocrat from a family with long names as Fairchild, Rockefeller, or some of the other dynasty clan. If people supposed she was from a royal lineage, they would be wrong, almost dead wrong. She was middle class with a mother who never seemed to get her act together. Destaina was enmeshed in an affair with a married man. She heard Rachelle’s words ringing in her ears.

Her life was a mystery about her origin and her unknown father. Destaina had no clue to his identity and her mother ensured she didn’t find any fragment of identification. She couldn’t find an old card, an unacquainted name written down, or any other particles of her heritage or cursed family ties. At first, she didn’t have any real curiosity. As a child, she just forged through her life in a lackadaisical way. Destaina floated through, her identity as a daughter made meaningless by the lack of affection shown to her by Angelica, or Angel as her friends called her. Destaina felt it ironic; Angel lacked any resemblance to an angel. She had seen pictures of angels with the pastel hues and golden locks of beautiful silken hair with loving, crystal blue or green eyes. In contrast, Angel was dark and sultry with black curly hair and eyes so dark it was difficult to tell if they were brown or black. She possessed voluptuous, inviting lips with a full pout and she was endowed with a mouth full of white, almost porcelain, natural evenly spaced teeth. Her smile was the only feature which allayed the brash sexual appeal of her face. Angel’s facial structure was similar to a Roman goddess with high cheekbones and great eyebrows. Even though Destaina’s mother was very beautiful, she exuded a powerful appearance, which created a conflict when someone looked at her for more than a few seconds. Angel’s body was curvaceous with a tall silhouette and it was evident she knew how to work her magic by evocative stances when necessary.

As she grew older Destaina felt nothing but disbelief that she could be a significant part of her mother’s mind and persona. It had been terrifying to her to realize she was from her womb. From the moment she was old enough to speculate if she had her mother’s genes she wondered about her father. Hopefully, she inherited his genes and maybe they would override Angel’s. This might give her a fighting chance to be a worthwhile addition to the world. If not, she felt she was doomed.

How did two women who shared one body become so distant and cold hearted to each other? Destaina shook her head and thought, We were never one in any facet of existence. I wonder if I even came from her. I think she stole me from my real mother at birth and has pretended to be my mother. I have seen those stories when people have discovered a horrible family secret and found their true parents and lived happily ever after. I wonder?

CHAPTER 2

When Destaina found her car in the parking garage, she stopped before opening her door and held the handle as if grabbing on to a life preserver to avoid drowning. She felt the undertow grabbing her body and pulling her down to an abyss, and she didn’t want to go. She closed her eyes and thought of Harry. He was resilient and he would assure her none of her worries were worth worrying about. He would erase any immediate uncertainties with his kisses and he had the power to transport them into their secret world of ecstasy. At this moment, she was ignorant to the reality that her safe harbor was not safe as it felt.

As she backed from her parking spot Destaina looked in the mirror. She had light, wispy hair highlighted with blond streaks. Her long locks were not thick as her mother’s and had a fine texture. Her beautiful long lashes surrounded crystal blue eyes, a far contrast from Angel’s dark, brooding eyes.

The drive to her apartment took longer than normal because traffic was heavy. She moved through the lanes trying to make better time but to no avail. The freeway would save her some time but Destaina had always been drawn to the city streets with the frequent burst of music from the sidewalk and street people. She recognized a lot of people shied from the streets for concerns of safety, especially in the last few years. She invited the spasmodic chaotic interruptions from a runner or an occasional spat from the boys on the street and once she had seen a young girl slap a boy for grabbing her derriere. Destaina thought, That’s it girl, stand up for yourself!

Other than routine traffic stops demanding some patience Destaina was soon at her apartment. She had to go around the block to drive into the parking entrance where the back of the building served as a parking lot for tenants. She had parked in the same spot for the past three years and the car seemed to float into position from the routine turns and braking. As Destaina stepped out of the car, she hesitated and the day’s meeting flooded her mind. It had been interesting to hear the story behind Rachelle. Rachelle expressed a huge concern as if she had a vested interest in Destaina’s personal life. She had only met Rachelle a few weeks ago and it was one of those meetings which on the surface seemed impromptu. Destaina was having doubts now, after hearing Rachelle’s story. Since their paths had never crossed before, Destaina was curious about Rachelle’s insistence for the young lady to think about the path her life was taking. Destaina could tell Rachelle was optimistic she had convinced her to turn and run away from Harry.

Oh well, to each his or her own. Destaina closed the door and locked it.

She walked into her apartment and had a flashback to Rachelle describing her one room flat she lived in prior to meeting her Prince Charming, Dave. At least she had a two-bedroom apartment, which was furnished in a reasonable sense of fashion. She sighed a breath of relief and thought, No comparison, I don’t have a clue why she is so worried about me.

It wasn’t very long before the doorbell rang. Destaina, smiling at the thought of who was at the door, opened it to Harry. Harry was the best looking and fit guy Destaina had ever met. He was at least six foot four and every inch of his body was toned. She looked into his bright green eyes accompanied by a wide smile of perfectly aligned white teeth. She was mesmerized by the strength his face exhibited, even more than his physique. How could she resist him?

The truth was evident; she didn’t even try.

After a smoldering kiss from Destaina, Harry walked over to her sofa, sitting down as though he lived there. Destaina immediately sat down close to him with barely an inch separating them. She could hear him breathing and it seemed she could feel his heart beating.

Destaina reached her hand to his chest feeling it to see if the heartbeat matched the pulse she felt throbbing in her body. Maybe it was their hearts intertwined in a single pulse. As quickly as she touched his chest, he reacted by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his body. She realized she could feel two heartbeats and her heart was racing in reaction to his touch and hold.

Turning her face up to his, Destaina started to kiss Harry only to see him turn his head away from her. Destaina was unaccustomed to even a slight hesitation from her lover. It was unlike him and she withdrew quickly and stood up. She was about to ask what was wrong when Harry stood up beside her.

It’s over Destaina, he expressed firmly as he stood still with both of his hands and arms outstretched, holding her arms and her body to maintain distance.

What is? Have you left your wife? was all that she could whisper in reply.

No, we’re over. and with that statement, Harry started toward the door.

Destaina felt her body shake from the unanticipated statement and she screamed to Harry to stop before he made it to the door. She deserved an explanation and there was no way he was going to make such a grandiose, life altering statement and conveniently leave her.

Harry, what do you mean we’re over? Sit down and explain what you’re saying and why. I have been at your side any time you felt it opportune. I will not accept your decision without a discussion. What is going on with you? Destaina said as she put her hands on her hips in a defiant manner.

My darling Destaina, I could say the words you would like to hear. I could tell you I love you again. I could expect you to be here when I come over and continue to deceive you about my intentions. But I’m not. With this beginning of a confessional session, Harry regained his place on the sofa.

Whatever you feel you must say, I will listen but I can tell you I am not giving you up, and with this rebuttal, Destaina sat down next to Harry. This time there was more than an inch between them. Her arms were defensively crossed, while her eyes were fixed on the man she had thought was more like Rachelle’s Dave. She was having her doubts blazing in front of her and then she waited for Harry speak.

CHAPTER 3

Destaina’s cell phone rang, but she didn’t plan on answering it until she saw the number.

A freelance stylist, she had a flexible schedule on most days that allowed her to see Harry when he fit her in. She enjoyed her work and admitted to herself that she was talented. She made a reasonably comfortable income from the assignments and prided herself that she did not need Harry for money.

She looked at her ringing phone and saw a number she recognized, but why was Harry’s wife calling her? She turned the phone so Harry could see the number and on seeing it he told her not to answer.

Harry looked at Destaina, his face contorted by emotions. He had hoped to deliver his statement that he could no longer see her and get back home. His intention had been to prevent the confrontation that was now here.

Even though he knew it was selfishness on his part, his heart was hurting. He had gone into this relationship for all the reasons that drove a narcissist. When he first married Gina, she was his anchor in a storm. Gina gave substance to what had been a rebellious existence. He became a successful computer programmer with a large firm, specializing in computer games. His edginess was welcomed as much as his competitive nature. Harry gave his all and returned as much as he received. The result was new games with more intensity and challenges. He rose quickly in his field, which fed his ego. He became arrogant. With this change in his personality, Gina found herself in second place and it caused a withdrawal of her affection. Harry found himself neglected but instead of reaching out to Gina he found gratification seeking other attractive women’s affection. It built the existing ego into a self-induced addiction. Many women had succumbed to his good looks and charm and once he was satisfied they were dependent on him, he ended the relationship.

However, Destaina had been a unique experience for him. He felt he was playing with a small kitten, allowing her to think he was hers and that she could play with him. Touching and clinging, then pulling away. He would purposely avoid her for weeks with several excuses for missed dinners and even trips. She had her clothes packed for several trips only to receive a call thirty minutes prior to departure time to tell her it was off. In a warped way, he enjoyed hearing the disappointment in her voice. It gave him complete control over her and reinforced her dependence on him. It always meant that in their next encounter Destaina would shower him with more passion in her effort to prove she was worthy of him. He had to admit to himself that he enjoyed this cat and mouse game. Harry wasn’t sure how Destaina felt about the game but she played it willingly. He would have preferred to continue, as selfish as it was, but today the game had to end.

He almost had an impulse to say he was kidding her and take her to bed. He could enjoy her one more time and then tell her. Why hadn’t he thought of making love first and telling her later?

He looked at Destaina and decided the decision to proceed with the goodbye scene was the correct one.

Destaina whispered, What is going on Harry? Does your wife know about me? I thought we were careful and planned on telling her of our plans to be together when the time was right? Why is she calling me?

Last night my wife interrupted my work, asking me to sit down, and she told me she knew all about you as well as the other women in my life. I was shocked, but when I think about all she has been exposed to she had it pushed into her face, Harry replied, an irritated edge to his tone.

What do you mean, other women? Destaina asked, quivering.

Come on, Destaina, you didn’t think you were the only one, did you? Harry smirked slightly as if proud to admit he had numerous lovers. With this confession his chest expanded a little in a display of ego.

I hadn’t thought of you with anyone other than your wife, and you assured me you had not been intimate with her in ages. Why are you acting so cold to me? You said we were going to be together. I don’t understand, and Destaina started crying as she spoke the last sentence.

Look, Destaina, you had to have known it wouldn’t last even under the best circumstances, and now my wife is expecting a baby. What am I supposed to do? She has me by the family jewels, as she would ruin me if I tried to leave. She knows I have been a bad boy and with a child on the way I am going to lay low for a while. I can always pick up where I left off once she has calmed down and once the baby comes, if you know what I mean?

Destaina gave a shocked gasp and stared at Harry. She felt as though he had been invaded by a stranger who stole his loving spirit and aura and replaced his essence with a cocky, narcissistic, dark soul. This could not be her Harry expressing such total coldness she had never seen before. Was this the man she was telling Rachelle she would give her life to? Rachelle had tried to warn her of this possibility but she couldn’t even welcome that hideous thought. Not Harry, sweet, loving Harry, ran through her mind, yet there he was. His face had transformed into a harsh, manipulative set that made him unattractive, or was that her mind protecting her? Her heart was crushed and now being trampled on by the very one who had captured it.

You are my love, Harry, and now you seem like a stranger, and a cold, bitter stranger. Where are the feelings you have expressed, and the love? How can you do this to us? Was it all a lie? shouted Destaina.

C’mon, don’t be naïve, Destaina. You knew what you were getting when you agreed to see me, a married man. You didn’t believe the lines, ‘I love you and I want to be with you forever,’ did you? Harry spurted out and stood with his arms thrown out to his sides.

Call me the world’s biggest fool, but I did buy every word, kiss, and promise you made, and tears accompanied Destaina’s words.

Yes, then you are the biggest fool. Let me get real with you. I have been seeing two other women I am cutting off later today, and I have been hitting it with my wife as well, and now she is pregnant. The only good thing I see out of all this chaos is that none of you are pregnant. With those words, Harry started his retreat toward the door. You are gorgeous and a good lover and you have a lot going for you. You will not have any trouble finding someone else, and with those bitter compliments Harry shut the door behind him, leaving Destaina devastated.

CHAPTER 4

The darkness faded in, enveloping Destaina for days. Tears prevented her from seeing if it was night or day. She felt the void of his leaving but she felt a swelling anger at the deceit. The tears were an expression of both loss and fury. The hardest realization was Destaina knew Harry was right. She had walked into a self-made trap. Maybe she thought it was love but now it seemed more like a horrible and addictive lust. Harry was definitely not Prince Charming, but more like an ogre without Shrek’s personality. How wrong she had been in choosing this path? How come her story was not like Rachelle and Dave’s? Why did love not win out in the end?

Drowning in self-pity, Destaina had no clue that Harry had set into motion events that would throw her into the most thrilling mystery she could have imagined, turning her complacent life into a twisted pile of turmoil and disappointment. Destaina lay in her bed having no idea what the next few months would expose.

For now, she was content to be discontented and hate the world. She replayed Rachelle’s story and found herself feeling idiotic for rebelling against Rachelle’s advice, only to have the truth spit her in the face. It finally made sense not to become involved with someone she couldn’t have. It was the wise advice of someone who had the experience of loving someone she would never possess in the truest sense. She had been comforted by the love shared between Rachelle and Dave, but how had she felt she had the right to feel invincible and confident her life would turn out differently? How could she have been so wrong? She felt like the princess who had been locked in the tower without understanding why.

After being out for work for several days and watching her vacation time vanishing, Destaina decided she should regain some appearance of living life again. She had a great career and thought she should remove the focus off him, as she now called Harry. She never wanted to utter or hear his given name again. She called for her assignments, dressed quickly and left her apartment. For some reason when she stepped out of the car at her location the breeze felt different. Destaina felt the direction of the breeze shift and she caught some of it, breathing in a good amount of fresh air. She stopped in her tracks, looking around as if she felt a presence behind her. She slowly turned her head around.

There was no-one there, but her instincts told her differently. Destaina felt someone, or at least she thought she had felt a strange feeling of someone close. She turned again and looked. Still no-one there. Destaina began feeling completely stupid in imagining someone was behind her. Who did she think it was? Could it be Harry? Hardly, as his ego would never allow him to admit he needed her. She shook her head as if that would clear her mind, and walked into the studio.

In the studio, Destaina began to assemble the racks in accordance with the board layout. She grabbed accessories and prepared each cast member’s selections. She felt it had become second nature for the assembly but the thrill was when her work became a reality on set. Her assistants completed a lot of prep work, but her job was to give a final nod to the individual selections. She pulled a few outfits for the young man in the shoot. He had a slim but athletic body and she wanted to enhance his physique while not drawing too much attention. The clothes had to be the star attraction but his build was a perfect display prop. At this thought, Destaina