Paul: Mental Book 3

By Marcus Freestone

People think Paul is weird but is it him or his narcissistic mother who has the real problems? The third book in the series of novellas exploring themes around mental illness and psychology takes a comic look at family dynamics.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Marcus Freestone
• Release date: Feb 3, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370935390

Marcus Freestone

My main work is the T14 series of thrillers about a futuristic, high tech counter terrorism agency headed by a man with a computer implant in his brain. The first book "The Memory Man" is permanently free in e-book. I also have a series of novellas on the subject of mental health and psychology. My most popular book is "Positive Thinking And The Meaning Of Life" which has had 200,000 downloads. It deals with psychology, philosophy, depression, anxiety, mental health in general and the human condition.I have also released more than 50 albums, ranging from metal and rock to jazz and ambient/electronica. And last but not first I also produce the "Positive Thinking And The Meaning Of Life" podcast and "The Midnight Insomnia Podcast", a comedy show with ambient music and abstract visual images.

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PAUL

MENTAL BOOK THREE

A SERIES OF NOVELLAS

by

MARCUS FREESTONE

ALL MATERIAL © COPYRIGHT MARCUS FREESTONE 2017.

ISBN 9781370935390

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JANUARY 1ST 1989

Now that the forced jollity of my birthday, xmas and new year are thankfully behind me I will hopefully have some peace and quiet and be able to get on with some real work. I still find it deeply tedious that I have to endure another four years of pointless treading water before I can go to university but the idiots who run my school won't recommend me for early entry. I know that people my age have been accepted before but I can't be bothered arguing the issue any further. Still I suppose it gives me more time to read and prepare. Besides which, I have no wish to be patronised by even more people: You're only thirteen, Paul, what do you know?. Empirically a lot more than any of the people who ever pose that question, but they never listen to common sense. At eighteen I will doubtless still be patronised but at least I will be able to respond as an adult and I assume that I will be accorded at least a modicum of respect. And hopefully by then Tina will be old and strong-minded enough to defend herself from Maria. At least I don't receive the same patronising treatment that seems to be dished out to seven year old girls. Or maybe that is just a peculiarity of our situation? I only know one other seven year old girl and I've never been to her house or met her parents. Zoe certainly seems to have much of the self confidence that my poor sister is lacking. However, I believe that her parents, along with most of the civilised world, don't frequent a church, so it may just be that one factor. I thought a woman was fairly central to the nonsense our mother believes but clearly in her world the only purpose of females is to have children. I find it rather distasteful to put that kind of pressure on a small child but I long ago realised that there's no point trying to challenge Maria on her various brain dysfunctions. Even in this private space I find myself unable to refer to her as mother, or even as my parent. I can't recall her or Charles ever referring to me or Tina as their son or daughter or by any kind of affectionate nomenclature, so why should I behave any differently towards them? Neither of them have ever said that they love me or displayed any kind of affection whatsoever, nor shown any kind of interest in me as a person or encouraged me in my endeavours. Therefore it should come as no surprise to them that I have no interest in being in their company and can't wait to escape. But, of course, they persist in seeing me as peculiar and a disappointment.

It does concern me that I may lack some of the social skills required in adult life, especially at university. I don't understand emotions because they have been bred out of me (or, more accurately, I have never experienced an emotional life and therefore not developed the skills in the first place) and I only experience the fuzzy edges of emotional feelings. And the only emotions I see in my parents are negative and destructive so I suppress them now without even thinking about it. Then again, surely social skills are only a pre-requisite if you want to go out and socialise and I still don't. Admittedly that may just be due to my bad luck in happening to go to a school with people with whom I have nothing in common. If I pick the correct university then surely I'll meet people that I do share some common ground with, even if only on an intellectual level. I'm not adverse to personal relationships and I'm fairly sure I'm not really misanthropic. I would dearly love to have people to talk to about my interests. But how can I possibly pick the correct university? I have no idea what the experience of being there will be like or who I'll meet until I get there. I suppose it's pot luck, like which school and parents you end up with.

Anyway, at least I know beyond all doubt what I want to do: go to a university far away that Maria will never visit, get a degree and PhD in Philosophy and then find a good teaching post at another, far away university. Hopefully then I'll be allowed to publish books and be able to earn enough money to keep a small place of my own and have genuine and permanent peace and quiet.

People (at least the plebeian children who shout at me at the bus stop) keep calling me sad because I spend all my time reading books. How is that sad? I'm educating and entertaining myself. What is everyone else doing that's so brilliant? As far as I can see, the children at my school spend most of their time standing outside the shops, chewing gum, smoking and shouting inane, derogatory comments at people and, confusingly, each other. Now that's sad. What a criminal waste of an evolved brain.

Speaking of which, I'm beginning to wonder what the point of writing all this down is. Am I deluding myself and all this is a substitute for human interaction? Perhaps I should employ my time more profitably, though I am also reading three to five books a week and writing increasingly concise essays on my conclusions. However, can philosophy be an entirely academic and intellectual subject? Do I need to get out and experience life in order to become a good philosopher? What does it even mean to be a good philosopher? I definitely want to publish my original thoughts not just comment upon and regurgitate the established work of others. I suppose I won't know until I start my degree and meet other people of similar inclination in which direction one is expected to go i.e.