Storm of Hope

By Leila Tualla

Storm of Hope: God, Preeclampsia, Depression and me is a memoir told in journal entries and poetry from a mom who was diagnosed with preeclampsia. The diagnosis with her second pregnancy propelled the author into a "postpartum forest where the trees of doubt, sorrow, anger and rage loomed all around me." What becomes to the author and her second baby gives way to hope and a way out of the darkness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Leila Tualla
• Release date: Jul 21, 2017
• ISBN: 9781547113620

Book preview

Ellie, my little faith

and Ro, my brave cuddle 

To the women in my social media support group, whether you are in the Preeclampsia group or the postpartum care group, you ladies were my listening ear, and my comforting hand. Thank you for answering, and uplifting, and motivating, and encouraging, and adding this tired mama to your prayer list. Your words and online presence were my lifeline

........more than you’ll know.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1  Finding God

2  God and Storms

3  Postpartum Forest

4  Forest and Freedom

5  My Journey, My Truths, and My Story

6  A Question

7  Who am I?

8  Here We Go Again

9  Just a Moment

10  12 Weeks and Saying Hello to Preeclampsia

11  Trying

12  Give and Take

13  One Phone Call Later

14  Remembering What Changed Me

15  Finding Faith in the Uneventful

16  Dear God

17  The Calm Before the Storm

18  Madness

19  Entering the Forest

20  Lies

21  Satan

22  The Voices

23  Madness and Me

24  Darkness Hurts and Light Frightens

25  Torn

26  Thoughts

27  Scars

28  Faces

29  Labels

30  My Testimony

31  Pain is a Pity

32  Side of the Road

33  Forest

34  Baby Blues

35  Life

36  Praying and God

37  How Do I Help You When I’m Drowning?

38  Dear Mom in the NICU

39  34 Years

40  Ablaze

41  Seed

42  One Day

43  Brave

44  Pieces of Faith

45  My Faith

46  My Faith – Part II

47  My Faith – Part III

48  In the Before

49  Freedom

50  The Storm

1

Finding God

When you find God before I do,

tell Him I needed His help a while ago.

2

God and Storms

Why do we only know the reason for the storms

after the damage has been cleaned up?

We wail and beg to God for mercy,

only to realize He was in the center of it all.

3

Postpartum Forest

In my postpartum forest,

shadows of my past create

the canopies above.

Around me, trees thick with

Guilt and Shame.

Its branches extend outward, forming a perimeter.

I am surrounded.

I am both a

Creator of this jungle

and its Prisoner.

Escape is as simple as walking through the leaves,

but even touching the brambles below,

I feel its thorns will cut deep.

I take a step

and make a mad dash out to the clearing.

The clearing is my fail safe.

The exit.

My way out.

But my own laughter taunts me.

Deluding me into believing that escape is

even possible.

This is my reality.

These are my truths.

These are my lies.

Somewhere in this, my postpartum forest.

4

Forest and Freedom

Onward and upward I travel

towards freedom from this forest.

I hear silence but it sounds heavy

and laced with meaning.

Foreboding