From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between

By Martha Tara Lee

The book "From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between" is a bold yet vulnerable account of how Clinical Sexologist and relationship coach Dr. Martha Tara Lee views sex and sexuality. As the first sexologist with a doctorate in human sexuality in Singapore, Martha has gone where nobody has. She shares how she survived heartbreaks, attained heartgasms and everything in between this journey. This book documents her professional journey as a pioneer sexologist, as well as personal one of reclaiming her femininity, and truly stepping into her power as a woman. More than coming of age book, each chapter has a theme, followed by practical suggestions for readers on how you too can navigate your own lives.

Dr. Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and relationship coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. She is the author of the books Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, and Orgasmic Yoga. She is also the host of the weekly radio show Eros Evolution on OMTimes Radio.

What Others are Saying...
“In this unique and creative self-help memoir, Dr. Martha Tara Lee proves that experience is always the best teacher. Dr. Martha gives us the benefit of both her personal and professional experience with life, love and sex, followed by sound advice, step-by-step instructions, and links to valuable resources. This is a touching, smart, and inspiring guide to a complete sex/life makeover. Brava!” - Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century and Ecstasy is Necessary

“How to describe Dr. Martha Tara Lee... not easy... as she doesn't fit into any box. She's a unique and brilliant woman with the courage to practice and live in a culture that denies there is such a thing as sex. Time and again Martha authentically puts herself out in front of people to enrich and expand their lives by sharing her life as an example of raw vulnerability and courage. Her personal spiritual sexual journey is what the book From Princess to Queen is about. By telling her story, she bravely inspires people to reclaim their sexuality; shift their sexual attitudes; and see their life force energy as powerful and vital to happiness.” - Laurie Handlers, MA, founder of Butterfly Workshops and author of Sex and Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy, ISTA Lead Facilitator

“Wonderfully personal, intimate, easy to read, and informative, From Princess to Queen is the book I wish I could have given my daughter as she was growing up. Great overview and introduction to all the important areas of sex for young and older women, including self esteem and body image, self-pleasuring, first time sex, sex and dating, married sex, sex and chronic illness, and much more. I especially appreciated the yin-yang of Dr. Lee's personal sharing and stories coupled with practical information and actionable suggestions which made this book very engaging and easy to understand. Highly recommended!” -- David Steele, MA, MFT, founder of Relationship Coaching Institute, author of Conscious Dating and Radical Marriage

• Language: English
• Publisher: Martha Tara Lee
• Release date: Oct 18, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370932504

Martha Tara Lee

Founder of Eros Coaching, Dr. Martha Tara Lee is a Clinical Sexologist who conducts sexuality and relationship coaching, and runs sexuality education events in Asia. She is compassionate, practical, honest, interactive and solution-focused. Dr. Lee incorporates a blend of conventional and alternative approaches and draws upon a variety of styles and techniques to support each client as they work to resolve both current problems and long-standing patterns. Based in Singapore, Dr. Lee utilizes her years of experience in professional communications and volunteer counseling to optimize her coaching work. A well-traveled Singaporean Chinese, Martha welcomes individuals as well as couples of all sexual orientations. Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She also contributes regularly towards YourTango and Elephant Journal. She is also the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution for OMTimes Radio. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the author of three books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between was published by Marshall Cavendish; Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between; and From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks,Heartgasms and Everything In-Between.

Book preview

Hello Seeker…

I thought it’d be a good idea to celebrate the 7th year of my being a sexologist with a book.

My first book titled Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, published by Marshall Cavendish in 2011, was the book everybody said I ought to have published., It is a comprehensive compilation of the different essays I wrote over the first 2-3 years of my practice.

I self-published my second book, Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between in 2015. It was a book I knew I had to write. Orgasmic Yoga is a subject I am passionate about, it is a practice which changed my life. Pioneered by Joseph Kramer, Orgasmic Yoga has little to do with traditional yoga, it is rather about returning to your sexuality by heightening your awareness with and of your body (Orgasmic) through an extended practice (hence the word Yoga).

In this book, I wanted to reveal more of myself – the person, the woman, the sexologist. I will interweave the insights relating to love, sex, and relationships which I have gained over my years of clinical practice working with clients. From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between aims to be more than a real, honest, and vulnerable account, it will also be a practical and invaluable guide for you, the reader.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hope you’d come to know and like me through this most daring and revealing book of mine. Yet my bigger hope that my book will illuminate a path, your path in becoming a sexually empowered person.

Much love,

Martha Tara Lee, D.H.S.

Clinical Sexologist

Eros Coaching

Psst… be sure to download your unique book freebies at www.eroscoaching.com/queens-gifts with the code Queenie.

Chapter One: Masturbation

Once Upon a Time…

There was a little Princess who learned how to masturbate to orgasm from a good friend. Over time, she mastered how to allow the waves of pleasure to fill her little body. She wondered if this was something she should be doing because she was still little, and her heart might not hold out one day. She decided to ask the only adult she truly trusted – her Queen Mother.

Little Princess did not know that what she was doing was masturbation. She had no term for it. She decided to demonstrate it. Little Princess waited until she was sure that Queen Mother was available, asked for her audience, and demonstrated the deed to her.

Queen Mother took one look at what little Princess was doing and said, That’s normal.

With those two words, little Princess felt relieved, and continued to masturbate in private through her adolescence onto adulthood. As little Princess grew, she fantasized about the day she would finally meet her Prince Charming. They would have wonderful, loving sex, and she would turn into the woman she has always been dreaming to be.

My Masturbation Story

As you probably guessed, I am the little Princess.

I first masturbated when I was four or five years old. It was definitely before I entered primary school, so I know that it happened sometime around this formative age.

My good friend was the one who taught me how to masturbate. She came to me, and said in Mandarin (paraphrasing from memory): "Hey, there is something I know that if you do, you’d feel good.

I asked: What?

She demonstrated: You take the bolster (a long pillow) and put it between your legs, and squeeze your thighs. Then you kind of snake your legs around the bolster, and lock them in your ankles. Next, you squeeze hard, and rub your privates (she really meant clitoris) against the bolster. You have to rub really hard. With that you will feel good at some point.

I was like… What are you talking about?

I tried it, and I didn’t feel anything besides the pain in my ankles; frustrated, I went back to her and said; You must be lying. Nothing happened. Show me!

My friend demonstrated the moves to me, again.

I admitted, That’s what I did, but I still didn’t feel anything!

My friend ordered: No, no, no. You don’t give up, don’t give up. You just keep trying. Even when you’re tired, you just keep going.

As a kid, the thought of even giving up was not an option because if my friend could figure out something, then surely, I could too. There was definitely a competitive element going on as a kid.

I went back to my room (and bolster) kept trying and trying until I did feel something good. I experienced my first orgasm.

I didn’t know it was called the orgasm. I didn’t know what we were doing was masturbation. I didn’t know we were rubbing on the clitoris. I did not know any of these terms. But I knew it felt good.

After some weeks, I became curious and even a tad worried about what we were doing. I was curious whether what we were doing is dangerous because, after all, I was still a kid. I didn’t know if this heart beating and this flushing of blood within my body was good for me. I decided to ask my mom.

I planned it so that I caught her at the right time. She was lying on the sofa watching TV, and then I lay on the floor next to her. She was just above me.

I asked her during a commercial break: Hey mom. I want to show you something my friend taught me. I don’t know how to explain it. I need to show it to you.

She nodded and I proceeded to demonstrate our unique masturbation technique to my mom. To her credit, she said, Oh that. It’s okay. It’s normal.

Because of that one sentence, I felt relieved that it’s okay to feel pleasure and to continue masturbating.

She didn’t smack me on the head. She didn’t tell me to stop because I think if she had, I probably would have not known any better.

I feel blessed for the sex-positive messages that my mother gave me. She taught me about self-acceptance, self-love and sexuality in a way that I will always cherish. I know that not all people have such a nurturing start to their sexuality but no matter where you are in your journey you can move forward.

You may have been working on yourself for a long time or this book might even be your first step on the road to loving yourself more, but in reading my book you are already in the process of learning to love yourself and others more effectively.

I’m sharing this story and many personal things about myself in this book because I want to help normalize sexuality through stories – not just facts. I don’t want you to think that because I’ve been masturbating since I was four or five, I’m over sexualized, and that’s why I became a sexologist. No, I have just as little or as much sex education as a lot of my clients. The saving grace was that I was caught up in the last seven years of my life, running my practice for the last five, and then having my clinical training, the last two.

Masturbation has helped me to be a more empowered person even when I had no names for the act, and no names for my body parts.

There are a few things to unpack from my story:

Learning about our bodies is a good thing, and it teaches us that our sexuality is ours. The more comfortable we are with our bodies and with our sexuality, the better it is for us to start learning how to express and then share it with our partners later.

My sexual awakening is drastically different from many people I know. They shared that when they were caught masturbating, their parents (whether it was their father or their mother) would scold, and even punish them. Told to stop, these good girls and boys who didn’t know any better stopped. In so doing, they shut down